Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins. - Chat Forum

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

thepurist — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:44:22 +0000

I've got a good un about a chap visiting a lady of the night, but it'd probably upset the mods and you need to do the actions for the punchline to work.

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

Cougar — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:15:53 +0000

How do you make a penguin cross?

Nail two together.

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

Cougar — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:14:48 +0000

Tip Of The Day.

Despite what the advert says, do not try to p-p-p-pick up a penguin.
They're surprisingly heavy and may bite you.

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

Cougar — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:14:11 +0000

This guy runs into a bar and shouts "Quick, how tall is a penguin??"

The bartender looks stunned.

"Well, an empire penguin can be about this tall" he says, gesturing.

"Bugger," says the guy, "I've just ran over a nun!"

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

Cougar — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:13:15 +0000

What's black and white and red all over?

Penguin in a blender.

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

druidh — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:24:02 +0000

http://www.penguinbiscuits.com/jokes

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

GrahamS — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:23:09 +0000

I'll adapt one originally about polar bears...

Baby Penguin asks his big sister: "Are you sure I'm a penguin?"
And his sister says: "Yeah. Look, you live on an iceberg and have a black and white coat just like mine"

So Baby Penguin goes to his mum and says "Mum, are you suuure I'm a penguin?"
Mum: "Of course you are silly. Look you have a beak and flippers, you can swim but you can't fly and you eat fish"

So he goes to his dad: "Dad, are you suuuuuuuure I'm a penguin??"
Dads says: "Of course, why do you ask?"
Baby says "Cos I'm blimmin' freezing!"

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

fotheringtonthomas — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:13:31 +0000

What is black and white and cannot turn around in lifts?

A pengiun with a spear through its head

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

brakes — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:12:11 +0000

A penguin walks into a bar. The barman says, "Nice tuxedo, what's the occasion?"
"I was supposed to get married," the penguin responds.
"Well then, what happened?" the barman asks.
"I got cold feet."

groooaaan.

A penguin walks into a bar. The barman says "why the long face".

that's not right

A penguin walks into a bar and says "have you seen my brother", the barman says "what does he look like?"

groaaaoaaaan

Re: Please provide every single joke ever told about penguins.

scud — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:10:38 +0000

Snow White and the 7 dwarves go the Vatican, they stand in the main square listening to the Pope give mass, when all of a sudden Dopey pipes up and shouts:

"Excuse me your holiness, can you answer me a question? Are there any midget nuns in the Vatican?"

To which the Pope, slightly surprised, says "no my son, there is not".

The Pope continues giving mass and blessing the thousands, and all of a sudden Dopey shouts again.

"Your Popeliness, are there any midget nuns in the whole of Europe?"

Again slightly taken aback, the Pope replies "no my son, as far as I am aware there are no midget nuns in Europe"

The Pope goes back to his sermon, and after another 10 minutes am agitated Dopey shouts again "Your Holiness, are there any midget nuns in the whole world"??

The Pope by this time is getting hacked off and shouts back at him "NO, I do not know of any midget nuns anywhere!"

To which the other dwarves turn to Dopey and say "We told you, you shagged a penguin!"