She had a face like a cold scrotum…
And a fanny like a bucket of slugs.
But guess what… 😉

She’s your mum so you still love her?

😆

Hell she is fiiine. By the time I’d finished with her she’d look like a pasterers radio.

Yep, finished up with a face like a bill-poster’s bucket.

Thanks mum 😉

Ive just been out for a ride ‘bit parky innit’ it was hard work ‘im absolutely cattle trucked’. Got covered ‘in more shite than a pigs arse’.

I should know more of these but I’m having a memory blank. We did have a teacher at school who would say something along the lines of “Jesus Darcy, a dog with a mallet up its arse would do a better job than that”.

wetter than an otters pocket

If he fell in a bucket of tits, he’d come up sucking his thumb; for the less lucky among us.

Sweating like a paedophile outside gym class is my favourite…

As an exclamation, nothing beats ‘Jesus Christ in a Nissan Sunny!!’

As in ‘Jesus Christ in a Nissan Sunny!!’ would you look at the size of that footprint on my car…..

As much use as a chocolate teapot

Shaking like a dog sh177ing peach stones

F*cked as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis

Ugly as a blind cobbler’s thumb

About as useful as a cock flavored lollypop. (from Dodgeball).

Wrinklier than an elephant’s bawsack

a face like yoda’s scrotum

this beer is like sex in a canoe……**** close to water

She had a sausage wallet like a wizards sleeve.. it was like chucking a chipolata up the chunnel..

– Like throwing a frankfurter down Oxford Street
– As badly spelled as a STW post

a fanny baggier than a monks cowl

and

damper than an otters pocket

Always been a fan of Surly’s

Crawls through mud like a pig on crack

Face like a blind welders bench.

Uglier that a hatfull of monkeys arseholes.

Miserable? Wouldn’t give a door a bang.

Sweating like a fat girl in a cake shop.