No worries, xico 🙂 It seems like there are lots of survivors of their parents on here as well as those who have had more positive experiences.

Never thought this thread would be so polarised, i wonder how much silent middle ground there is amongst those who have read and not commented.

For me, always got on well with my late Dad. I took the path of less resistance than my older brother, got my degree etc and felt he accepted me as an equal as a young adult. I was deeply traumatised when i witnessed him collapse and die when he was 51 and I was 25. It was then that i realised that he probably knew far more about me than vice versa. Bizarely, i learn more about him as time goes on and I spot his influence in me as i try to be as good a Dad for my own young lads.

Thank you, Pilot. If this thread has done anything remotely worthwhile, it’s to let me know that I’m not alone here.

Jeesus it’s done plenty of worthwhile, a celebration of folk who like their dad if nowt else.

My dad’s an arse.

Always absent at work. Working away etc. Let our stepmother physically and emotionally abuse us when we were young.

Goes off like a bottle of pop if challenged. Still.

Has grandchildren but makes little effort. More bothered about fishing and what not. This bothers me the most.

Had the cheek to blow his top at me in my own house just before Christmas for touching his expensive bottle of whiskey (was drunk) haven’t spoke to him since, we talk 2-3 times a year. See each other once a year when he will try and buy love with money I don’t want.

Tend to forget he exists. Sadly.

My mums husband is awesome though in comparison.

There’s a chain of lousy fathers in my family – my mum’s parents wouldn’t allow her to marry the man she wanted to because he was a Catholic (this was Cheshire in the 1960’s, not Belfast!) and my dad was mistreated (probably physically abused) by his father – at least once he threw a fork at him so hard it stuck… 😯

There’s several people over the years have migrated, my dad’s brother, my brother, one of my cousins so I suspect there’s heritage in mistreating children that’s been going on for generations.

The only sympathy I have for my parents is they were certainly badly treated by their own parents, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them for the damage they’ve done – to me, my brother and the family unit – they had the choice to hold back but they didn’t. I think they recognise the damage they’ve done having seen all the difficulties me and my brother have had but they’re too cowardly to say sorry or even acknowledge it. I’m dreading their funerals, having to stand up and make positive comments about them because it wouldn’t be socially acceptable to talk about the stuff they did behind closed doors.

My brother’s my hero in this respect. He treats his boys with the utmost love and respect – he’s clearly decided that the chain of abuse will stop with him and he won’t use his own abusive childhood as an excuse to bully his own kids. It takes courage to do that.