Oh forgot to say I sleep walk when drunk.
Worst thing you've done when drunk?
15 years old hanging out with all the mates at the park (as you do). Lots of mixing drinks. Get carted off to a secluded grassy area by a girl who proceeds to get her mouth round the old chap (whoopee!). Just as things are getting good, I look up to be blinded by car headlights overlooking the scene and loads of youth scarpering. My partner in crime legs it and I stand to do the same, forgetting I've got my trousers round my ankles. Of course I fall on my face and as I stand up get confronted by two WPCs. 'Do your trousers up please you're embarrassing us ladies'.
At uni a few years later in halls, manage to get a girl I'd fancied for a while back to my room. I wake up to find that she's disappeared without a trace. 'Strange' I think and carry on with the day. I later go over to my desk by the window to make a cup of tea. All my papers and desk are soaking wet and my kettle stinks of p*ss. You can probably guess what I'd done in the night - all in front of the lovely lady. She must've been well impressed.
Once went on a coke/drink binge during a lads trip to Miami, anyway 2 days in everything escalated as it does and one of the group did a shit on the floor in my room, I lost it went to the airport and jumped on the next flight home (somehow I convinced them my mum had died so hence my distraught state, yes, very low). Came to with all 3 seats of the emergency aisle to myself and just as the plane was landing at Heathrow, biggest waste of money ever!
I have done worse....................
Too much wine. Fell down my stairs outside my flat. Cracked my skull twice, traumatic brain injury, bleeding brain. No memory of it happening. Woken up by the police two days later as I was in bed as no one could get a hold of me. Month in hospital fixing short term memory loss, learning how to remember and learn again, big ass headaches, seeing a psychologist, speech and language counselor, social counselor and physio each morning. Lost sense of smell and taste, still not 100% that one either.
So, yes, thats the worst thing I've done when drunk I'd say. But thankfully, all fixed! Well, I hope so...
Oh and another time I fell of a ladder while climbing up from a dingy when the tide was low and just before I hit the water tried to grab the ladder but managed to drag hand through barnacles shredding my hand.
I used to motorbike it to work and had some slip on boots kept in my bedroom
One night we had a party at our house. the next morning I got up all hazy and put the right boot on. A pint of piss spurted out.
A year later similar thing happened. My girlfriend was woken by me relieving myself in the bedside drawer. Fair play, she thought it was a dream and went back to sleep. It wasn't and our passports were in there.
Im still at Uni, first week of freshers we stole a cow,combine and got dropped off naked 40 miles away and still made it back without any problem...Dont worry I had my shoes.
More drunk stories than sober ones i'm afraid to say... Really wouldn't know where to begin, but the highlights of the last decade and a half in no particular order are :
Naked photos of me with two cops in Fort William High St, Heated exchange with a pimp in New York City, Sleeping in a JCB, Chasing a baby skunk in a forest, Losing three complete outfits in one night (but not my wallet or phone), Many many less than par women, Hospital combined with two-day memory loss, Acquiring a chain-mail suit from god-knows, Being thrown out of a taxi for doing Elton John from Bo-Selecta impressions, Waking up in Glasgow airport after apparently trying to fly to San Francisco (that would have made me very late for work that day in Glasgow), A kid asking me if I was his new dad, Having a Sheriff that looks like Wyatt Earp convince me that i'd be fine to drink/drive...
Fortunately I don't really drink any more (no hangovers in over two years now)... I like to think of these experiences as being character building!
I'm told it involved a Sinclair C5 and Blackpool Promenade
My Girlfriend then was giving me a BJ, Got that tingly feeling as you do.
next thing am pi$$ing in her mouth. she nearly drowned.
That girlfriend then is now my wife.
Been together 12 years now, married 6.
I did something right somewhere
Out on the pop in the middle of Cardiff, next thing I know I'm wading thru a stream in the countryside, worked out later that I'd walked past my digs and carried on completely out of the city.
Decided at closing time that a lampost climbing competition was a good idea with the winner being the person the fastest up and down, I got to the top and figured that letting go would be the quickest way of getting down, woke up in an ambulance wearing an oxygen mask.
On the same lampost theme won a bet on climbing the one of those big 60 foot ones in the middle of a dual carriageway.
...the boss' daughter.
The boss - well over twice my age...
johndoh - Member
Set fire to a disabled (quadriplegic) girl in a wheelchair in a nightclub.
I take my job very seriously but most of my drunken exploits seem to have happened after working at weddings as a photographer. The most memorable involved shooting a destination wedding (no need to drive home), being plied with drink from the free bar by the groom's father, getting chatted up by one of the bridesmaids, sleeping with her (and I do mean sleeping - I'd had at least 14 pints and fell asleep on the job), waking up in the morning and finding I'd pissed all over the bed.
Sadly, it turned out that this was the same bridesmaid I had to give a lift to the next morning - it was a loooooong, silent four hour car trip.
My least proud moment though, involved a whole bottle of JD, a few wraps of powdered mushrooms, several spliffs and a few wraps of speed. This was at a forest party in Aberdeenshire, complete with sound system and perhaps 200 folk, all off their faces. At about 2am, some bright spark suggested skinny dipping in the local loch. Grand!
A goodly number of us schlepped into the pitch black forest in the right general direction and immediately became hopelessly lost. I announced that I would climb a tree to find the loch and picked the highest conifer available. The inevitable happened and I fell about 80 feet, suffering fairly severe injuries, but still able to walk.
For years afterwards, random people would come up to me on the street, slap my back and say things like, "Awright - it's the f******* iron man!".
Getting leathered on carlsberg export & vodka at a car show, the gang of us went to the fair ground, I passed out in the middle of the dodgem track while in a car & promptly fell out, survived that to get dragged onto some big whirly up & down ride thing where I passed out again and smashed my nose up, get dragged / carried back to my tent where I promptly wake up and pee all over my mate.
Next show later that summer, leathered again, go to a local pub, mate gets accused of chatting up a local wench, wenches husband gives out a bit, mate come back with "why would I be doing that she's a **** munger mate" one bunch of (what turned out to be local travellers) chasing after us through the local lanes on foot, we survive that, get back to the camping ground, let a load of tents down, steal a gazebo, push a side screen into a lake and steal half a boundary rope. Ended up getting banned from those ones!!
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