I am 2 years older than my sister. When she was maybe 2 or 3 (definitely under 4 as we moved house then) I taught her how to lock the door of the downstairs loo.

I then encouraged her to try it alone. With the light off. She managed to lock it ok but the fire brigade were needed to get her out again…

I once tied my brother to a radiator with a dressing gown cord, smeared jam on his face and then locked the family west highland terroir in the room with him. His cries as the dog licked his face clean will forever stay with me.

I can’t decide whether the whole episode highlights my utter cruelty or utter genius.

Never topped and never will be. I win.

heh enjoying this.

Me and me bro were home alone. I’m older than him and was in charge. We were playing with lego on the floor and he asked me for a glass of water, so I gave him vodka from dad’s stash. He took a big gulp, wheezed, coughed and left the room. Then came back with a saucepan and whacked me a proper goodun upside the head. It really is possible to see stars.

My brother, who must have been 12 and me 9, was chasing me for some reason that I can’t remember. It must have been bad because I truly feared for my life. As I was smaller and nimbler I could always climb trees better, so to get away I ran to my favourite one.

Once I got to the top I realised I hadn’t quite thought my plan through as my brother was cruel enough to climb the tree and hang off my legs until I came crashing down.

I resorted to the only option left. I dropped my fly and pissed on him.

I still giggle about him running and crying back to mum which doesn’t quite make up for the slapped legs…..

Oh, another one. Me 15, brother 18.

We’re up the stairs in our room watching TV and I happily boast to him that I lost my virginity the previous night to my then girlfriend. Knowing he still hadn’t got his end away, I started taking the piss out of him.

He doesn’t believe me and asks me to prove it. I phone girlfriend, she confirms it (immature 15 yo I know!), I continue to take the piss out of him.

10 minutes later, a stony faced mother storms in the room and sends brother out. She’d heard the whole argument from the hall. Cue 30min long excruciatingly embarrassing birds, bees and condom chat.

Brother is meanwhile out with our mates telling them everything. I was single very shortly after.

Some of these stories make me glad I never had a brother. 😯

The closest I got was being fed a mouthful of sweetex by my sister on the promise they were ‘much nicer’ than sugarcubes.

My wife and her sister used to hit each other with pool cues, though, so it’s clearly my family that’s abnormal.

Cant think of the reason, but i teased, my twinbrother so badly at my aunts house that he went totally ballistic, he then bit in the chest pure animal style, until blood rushed, leaving me screaming. Luckyli my aunt came rescuing me, good thing she worked as an pschyciatric nurse, and took care of business.

Later on (many fights later) , me and my brother went to a bar (he an carpenter, not a gram of fat, 95 of kilo of wood-killing machine) we both got pretty drunk, me just talking to a girl in the bar, suddenly i hear brother starting yelling, like, you are all false to the guests at the bar, very drunk, very crazy. he then goes around starring each guest in the eye. Nobody wants to say something usefull to him. He then gets to me, and suddenly thinks i am the mastermind of hes misery, the girl i talked to takes of like a top-fuel car out of the door. He dragges me out of the door, like a paperbag, eyes with fire. I know i am in for some whooping. Suddenly the doorman appears (120 kilo of lean muscle) they have a little staredown, he sweet-talks my brother, he releases hes deathgrip on me. He sends me home, in one direction of the street, and my brother strictly the other way. Talked to brother a week later, he only had a vague memory, and told he went on a 36 hour drinking binge that night!

when i was about 9 my dad was doing some DIY in the house and had left the tool box out. my little sister who was about 6 decided to help herself to a few nails and the hammer and started to tap them into the dining chairs. my mum told me to get them off her so i put the hammer back in the toolbox and then went to get the nails…as i turned round my sister smashed me other the head with a the 16oz claw hammer…thankfully it was the hammer end and not the claw
still got rushed to hospital with a large gash on my head…had to have an x-ray and all sorts to make sure i was ok

one of my mates decided to give his little brother a ride on the back of his bike…his brother slipped off and his right foot got caught in the chain and his heel got pulled into the rear sprocket

When my brother was about 5 (I was 7) he was looking through the the patio doors and I ran up behind him and pushed… Cue head straight through one of the panes and lots of cuts around his neck. Still remember the pain of the slipper (my dad was a vicar!)

Followed a few years later by kicking the panels out of a door to get to him. Managed to patch that one up before dad noticed.

Good thing he lives in Australia… Otherwise we’d still be trying to take chunks out of each other! (we’re in our 40’s)

I kicked a siblings head through a car side window when we were scrapping about who would sit behind dad (tall bloke, seat all the way back) or mum (short, loads of rear leg room.)

We both got a telling off about that.

It was two days before we were due to go on holiday. In the car. Several thousand km.

Was compounded by a roof slate coming off the morning we were due to leave and putting a massive dent in the roof. So we drove round for 2 or three weeks with a massive dent in the roof and the roof lining hanging off.

Big bro smashed my front tooth in half with a stone on the beach. Just after mum had told him to stop, earning him the “Just-one-more-time” nickname. About 40 years later (last year) I had to go through the wonderful hell in the dentist’s chair of having an implant fitted (£3K later). He still feels guilty.

I remember another time where he’d wound me up so much I put on my Doc Martens and stood in the back garden screaming “COME ON THEN!!” He didn’t come out, I don’t think he could walk for laughing.

My Brothers 4 years older, so it was pretty much always one sided. The ones that stand out are;

– We went swimming and he was chasing me. He got close enough with his mouth open that he caught my foot with his braces. It was so sharp that it took a chuck straight out of my foot- next to the big toe. I could see the joint! My foot started burning so swam to the side and it was like something from jaws- blood trail behind me. Came out the pool and bled everywhere. Don’t remember much more- paramedics came. The hotel thought there was glass in the pool, so they emptied it. My family never told them what happened.

– My brother launched me through a double glazed front door ass first. Sliced me up through my jeans. Apparently that was equally my fault for enticing him.

– We had one of those huge 6 cell maglites. My brother decided to come up to me and use it to give me a deadleg. One of the single most painful things I’ve experienced. Left me with the biggest black bruise that was almost perfectly circular.

– He wedgied me so hard that it ripped my pants and made me bleed. This happened several times.

– Went fishing and I stood on a barbed fishing hook. It went all the way into my foot. He just laughed- zero effort to help. He left me to take it out whilst laughing.

We’re best mates now.

Had a bit of a scrap in the street on the way home from school with my brother, we got broken up and then I sucker punched him knocking him clean out. Whole street went silent and I just though “Well, I’m a dick and I’m also **** now”.

Brother shot me, so I shot him back. (He had the 303 and I had a .22) I was just skinned, he had a wee chunk out of his ear. He was just trying to give me a scare.

Luckily we were feral kids living in the bush in Africa at the time, so after first aid was applied we were blessed with with a good hiding. It wasn’t the last time we shot each other but we weren’t allowed anything more powerful than an air rifle after that. 🙂

Neither of us would have dobbed, but the neighbour’s wee boy saw it all and went screaming to his mother. Met him again about 40 years later and his memories of it would do credit to the OK Corrall whereas it was actually over in seconds.

Apparently, my brother in law has a beard, and has done since he was old enough to grow one, thanks to his sister breaking his jaw during a fight about 25 years ago. Needed messy surgery to fix.

Wouldn’t be so bad except he’s nearly 8 years older than her, and at the time, was 30 cm taller and had 40 or 50 kilos weight advantage.

Getting punched out and having your jaw broken by an 12 year girl must be incredibly embarrassing.