Chicks dig scars

You just need to hit it harder

Speed is your friend

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

If it doesn’t move and it should – hit it with a hammer
If it does move and shouldn’t – cover it with duct tape

Never trust aman a who lies and cheats incessantly

bones heal…….

Asps, very dangerous, you go first

Life isn’t like washing the car, you can’t leave it till next weekend.

Never trust a dog that doesn’t smell

It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Angry sex won’t make her forget the argument.

Just remembered on I shout in the car all the time, “Do it or don’t do it, just don’t dither”. Usually followed by “You tw4t”

Shit, or get off the pot

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you
-Joseph Heller

Some girls are bigger than others, some girls Mothers are bigger than other Girls Mothers.
-Morrissey

Measure twice, cut once
-Peter Legge, Bucks College

If it’s too hot to touch, it’s too hot
-Me, Warwickshire College Furniture Crafts

Don’t get too stressed about work stuff. It’s all just a game. *.

* applies more to corporate life than working for a SME.

Save time by only looking one way when crossing a one way street.
samuri – Rotherham

make sure you look both ways when crossing a one way street in case a removal van is reversing towards you.
samuri – Rotherham spinal injuries unit.

It is what it is, make of it what you will.

Passion turns to poison quick as larger turns to piss.

People make mistakes, that’s why cars have bumpers and pencils have rubbers.

If in doubt fetch a larger hammer, if it’s still stuck its time for the blow torch.

I am not as green as I am cabbage looking.

It’s next to impossible to hate a man, once you understand him…

The only person who cares if you tried hard is your mum

And from a matchbox… Keep dry and away from children.

You can’t stir a cup of coffee too much.

If you meet an aspiring politician in the street, kick them in the genitals as hard as you can while you still have the opportunity.

You’ll regret not doing it later.

When on vacation to somewhere with a reputation for stomach upsets carry some Imodium…. Imodium is no good to anyone if left in a hotel room on vacation.

**** off while you still can. 😆

It’s next to impossible to hate a man, once you understand him…

Proper wisdom, that…

Laziness is only good if it’s done well.

If it hangs, pull it.

“Don’t drive over narrow bridges when you are pissed out of your mind” – Senator Edward Kennedy

“Don’t try and admire the scenery whilst hurtling down very narrow singletrack” – Me

“If you are going to hit something with a hammer then hit it, fannying about with a toffee hammer like that is only going to piss it off! Skelp the bloody thing with a club hammer” – mech eng lecturer to student at uni

“You only have to carry a tool kit of 4 items in a landy, a tin of WD40, a roll of gaffa tape, a length of welding rod and a really big stilson…. If you can’t shift whatever’s stuck with the jaws of the stilson then flip it over and bash it a bit and is soon will” – my mate bob

Sealskinz for toasty feet 🙂

You can only piss with the dick you’ve got

Never cook bacon naked! 😆

If it won’t fit, hit it with a hammer. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

You can’t fix stupid, even with duct tape…

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Fragile speed does not succeed.

A man only has sufficient blood to run one head at a time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Something will turn up, it always does.

Feel the fear and do it anyway (usually when restricting chocolate access to SWMBO).

“90% of everything is crap.”

To borrow your words of wisdom from someone else doesn’t show much wisdom.

Always keep the roof in good order, everything else can wait.

Never do more work than you need to.

If it’s ok to do it tomorrow leave it.

Only a fool washes his car on a sunny day.

Dust is best left undisturbed.

To borrow your words of wisdom from someone else doesn’t show much wisdom.

Disagree. Knowledge is only part of the puzzle; you require understanding to make the most of it.

Oh forgot, 99% of all problems can be fixed with expanding foam or weetabix.

problems can be fixed with expanding foam

Talking of wisdom, (or lack thereof) I recently heard that some folk have been squirting that stuff in their mouth as you would a can of cream. I can only imagine the mess it makes once inside an doing its thing…

But yeah, definitely fixing the population problem.

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

? Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

A frog in a well knows nothing of the ocean.