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  • wife playing away…painful
  • NZCol
    Full Member

    xherbivorex – sounds like a bad position. Someone once posted something on here along the lines of “I need space means …..” and the expanations were all absolutely bang on.
    Basically you are now her security blanket until such a time as she wants to let go leaving you holding a thread. F u c k that my friend.
    Before you can even do anything you need to be comfortable with yourself over all others. I know, sounds a bit “7 habits for highly patronising **** on the internet” but its true and it took me a harsh lesson i nexactly what you are doing to get it through my brain. Years of it in fact. Anyhoo, i decided that as life is not a dress rehearsal for something ‘better’ I should get off my chuff and make sure I was happy in me as a person and what I do. I got some counselling and help to set me on the way (just a couple of sessions) and that was like an epiphany. Theres no stigma to any of this, why should there be ? Just cos we are blokes we feel and hurt and have all the same insecurities as ladies do. Just we bottle it up and pretend its not real because we are ‘men’. Once more f u c k that. Do yourself a big favour, seek some professional help to at least get your head in the right place, do not spend time with your ex. Why should you ? Yes i’m sure she is a lovely person and a great ‘friend’ at the moment. But that will change don;t kid yourself. In time you may be friends again. But right now she is playing you for all she can to mask her emotional distress and insecurity. Please, for yourself, go and find out what it is about you that you need to find because trust me I was scared/angry/depressed and now am pretty much 100% happy with the choices and decisions I have made. I got married a month ago and really quite honestly, its been the most awesome journey.

    nickc
    Full Member

    now thinking of divorce or separation but worried about the devastating effect on the kids.

    Yep, it’ll mess with their heads, it did with mine, but TBH, staying together “for the sake of the kids” is a shitter, my parents tried this, and from a child’s POV (mine) it was incredibly stressful, the day my Dad told me that Mum had finally gone…The relief was amazing. We went from a outwardly happy nuclear family of 4, to Mum walking out, brother going to Uni, Dad going to the pub, me (15) trying to keep every-one talking. Even now, at 41 I’m still doing that role. Yes Divorce is crap, but as long as every-one talks, and is included, it doesn’t necessarily have to be.

    Do I carry on regardless and ignore my needs or happiness for the kids sake or make the split and hope I survive and they are ok out the other side?

    Split. My parents went from stress-bunnies to almost normal human beings, and they both became better people for it. Now, it took my Dad a while to get this, but even he did eventually. Keep talking. Don’t let the kids take sides, even though my Dad was pretty bitter, he still drove me to see my Mum, and let her come over to see me. They even managed to be polite for most of the time.

    If it’s dead, leave it…

Viewing 2 posts - 81 through 82 (of 82 total)

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