OP one further thought and I am bit cautious to post this given how you are feeling. However, i think I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t flag it.

Why have you moved out ? Married with no kids so why have you moved out ? It’s good for you to be around your parents to have some support but I would think very carefully about this issue, as someone who has gotten divorced the general advice from solicitors is that leaving the house is not helpful to your negotiating position come any divorce. Also as another tough lesson when I was going to counselling the councillor recommended I keep the receipts as they can be required in a divorce to show you made an effort. In the end they where not but it’s sadly all part of the process.

When you’re ready O.P. set new goals and move on.

Time will help and heal.

Don’t sit around, get out, ride and get out socially.

^^^ rented house, nothing to be lost or gained by staying.

She’s so clinical and cold about everything- no emotion. I don’t want another woman, I just want her. It’s like she doesn’t care. Only messages I get from her are related to changing accounts and bills. Killing me.

Dude, your situation sounds very similar to mine. My divorce was just finalised this week.

At the time of the split last year my world caved in. A year later I’m with a fantastic girl and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. If you told me that a year ago I would’ve laughed in your face.

I don’t know the exact ins and outs of your situation but the best advice I can give is give her space and time. If she’s being cold and pragmatic then I would guess it’s a defense mechanism. If you don’t want to split then it’s logical you won’t want to give her space. You feel you need to “prove” yourself to her and convince her the relationship can work. I would say give her space. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. She needs to miss you, and constant contact doesn’t allow that. State your case, tell her you love her and want to be with her, then give her space. If it’s meant to be then things will progress naturally and it’ll sort itself out with effort from both of you. If it doesn’t, then it’s time to move on.

It’s not easy. In fact it’s an absolute horrific experience but regardless of what happens, you will be ok in time, either with her or without her.

Email in my profile if you need to talk.

Thanks. I think your right about space, it’s just so hard.

gavmac – Member

^^^ rented house, nothing to be lost or gained by staying.

She’s so clinical and cold about everything- no emotion. I don’t want another woman, I just want her. It’s like she doesn’t care. Only messages I get from her are related to changing accounts and bills. Killing me.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t or indeed didn’t ever care, it’s just a way of dealing with things, keep it calm, simple and business like on the outside while she’s probably hurting lots on the inside.

Hey, gavmac – how’s things today ?

I would like to be positive. She doesn’t want any contact and I need to be strong and stick to that- it won’t help at the moment.

I’ve cried more in three days than the rest of my life. Life can be hard eh.

I genuinely believe there is something to save. Maybe I’m delusional.

It’s really hard not having any contact but it is better for everyone including for you – even though it might not seem that way.

Denying her space will simply put more pressure on her and further antagonize her.

I know it sounds like forever but give her a couple of months after which both you and her will be considerably calmer.

If there is to be any useful dialogue she needs to see you as a calmer more rational person and less of a problem.

She will be more receptive in a couple of months than she is now, she might even contact you when things calm down.

But in the meantime try to get on with your life the best you can, don’t put it on hold, even though it seems like an incredibly huge task.

sadly once its gone, its gone.
Move on. It can only get better – from the point you accept it.

gavmac – Member
I would like to be positive. She doesn’t want any contact and I need to be strong and stick to that- it won’t help at the moment.

I’ve cried more in three days than the rest of my life. Life can be hard eh.

I genuinely believe there is something to save. Maybe I’m delusional.

Sorry to hear that your wife left you.

It’s very hard but you are still young so go out and get another one coz there are still plenty of women about.

This time choose one and choose wisely.

Gavmac in your heart there is something to save, we can feel that. However she’s not behaving in such a way to show she feels the same.

I hate to be insensitive (and its my divorce talking) so the house is only rented and therefore she’s paying all the rent and all the bills ? She is playing it tough with contact only about bank accounts etc so those are the rules of the game.

I hear you guys. I’m no victim, I’ve been hellish to live with as a result of very difficult situation at work. I can understand why she left, I’m not angry at her but myself. I think Ernie gives the advice I need to hear. Bloody hard.

The tension eases after a while,you have been together so long that it is going to be rough,but as many others have said,time does heal. It is doing that time that is so bloody hard,fill it with others things that do not involve drink. Doesn’t feel it just now,but at 31 you are still a pup.

How are you doing gavmac?

+1

[video]https://youtu.be/-5i1cJIwE7M[/video]
Too early?…

All that time together and she wants no contact at all?

I’ll hold my tongue.

Lastly… all women partners want to be appreciated and a little spoiled by their significant other. Tell her she’s beautiful, wash the dishes after she’s cooked you a meal, buy her some food just because you thought of her that day… little things count, they all add up.

The appreciation goes both ways, lose that and the other half will stop trying. Stop doing the ‘little things’ which make a relationship special.

Not all men are emotionless robots who just want to get fed, tinker with stuff and get laid.

Not all men are emotionless robots who just want to get fed, tinker with stuff and get laid.

Most are though yeah ? Only the weird ones that are not ?

One person’s weird is another person’s normal I’m sure. 😀

Trying really hard not to get pulled up by the sexist police/moderators.

Not all men are emotionless robots who just want to get fed, tinker with stuff and get laid.

Most are though yeah ? Only the weird ones that are not ?[/quote]

😆

Time for an update 🙂

So, said wife has still made no contact. Spent the first few weeks pretty devastated and then… i discovered a bit more information about the way she’s been slandering me and behaving over a number of years. Needless to say, it’s sped up the ‘grieving’ process!

It’s funny how, if your very aware of your own faults and generally quite self critical, you can take more of the blame than due. Anyway, i’m saying very little and holding my counsel. People have a way of hanging themselves, so i’ll let her continue.

Now a case of moving on. My over riding emotion at the moment is relief. Life is a funny old thing.

Good to hear. Now make the most of summer and enjoy yourself a bit!

Best wishes.

Glad to hear you’re doing well (as can be)

… and don’t start buying Phil Collins CD’s…

Try Coldplay instead 😀

Even at my lowest point I didn’t inflict Coldplay upon myself.

Time for an update

So, said wife has still made no contact. Spent the first few weeks pretty devastated and then… i discovered a bit more information about the way she’s been slandering me and behaving over a number of years. Needless to say, it’s sped up the ‘grieving’ process!

It’s funny how, if your very aware of your own faults and generally quite self critical, you can take more of the blame than due. Anyway, i’m saying very little and holding my counsel. People have a way of hanging themselves, so i’ll let her continue.

Now a case of moving on. My over riding emotion at the moment is relief. Life is a funny old thing.

Glad you’re feeling more positive.

One thing – try not to get into the minutae of the gossip and chit chat either now or historical. You can obsess over that sh1t and you’ll find things that will make you fume and churn over in your head late at night. Some of what’s been said/written might feel unjust to you, but none of it matters any more.

Standard internet bro advice for dealing with a marriage breakup:

1. Delete Facebook
2. Get lifting
3. Lawyer up

It’s a bit silly and macho when written like that, but it’s basically sound! So put another way:

1. Ignore gossip and don’t torture yourself by caring about what she’s doing or saying.
2. Concentrate on your own health and wellbeing.
3. Be ready to defend your interests in the divorce settlement.

Gavmac loved that statement made me laugh, good luck don’t hit the booze try and keep a routine life will improve there are people on here gone or going through the same. Hang on in there it does get better, all the best.

Thanks, good advice and you’re right about obsessing on gossip and chat. Trying to cut the supply.

1- I’ve not deleted Facebook (need for work and a few climbing contacts) but have unfriended her, along with her network. Not perfect but does stop constantly seeing updates.

2- Yep, really enjoying my running and climbing at the moment. I’m running better than ever, the lack of stress has helped.

3- Yep, no mug and thankful for no mortgage, kids etc. Joint accounts already sorted. So not feeling too stressed about that.

Well done. Nothing empties your head like climbing and riding, I find.

Thanks, good advice and you’re right about obsessing on gossip and chat. Trying to cut the supply.

1- I’ve not deleted Facebook (need for work and a few climbing contacts) but have unfriended her, along with her network. Not perfect but does stop constantly seeing updates.

2- Yep, really enjoying my running and climbing at the moment. I’m running better than ever, the lack of stress has helped.

3- Yep, no mug and thankful for no mortgage, kids etc. Joint accounts already sorted. So not feeling too stressed about that.

Well done that man.

Now go and get LAID 😀

I’ve nothing useful to add, but I’m glad to see your doing OK and have kept away from Coldplay. Here’s a bit of late 90’s American punk:

[video]https://youtu.be/uo8EuOu1ojk[/video]

That’ made my day 🙂

That all sounds good and positive.

Apart from the Coldplay. Nothing good ever came from listening to Coldplay.

🙂