WHY?!?!?! (Man bits horror content!!)

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WHY?!?!?! (Man bits horror content!!)

54 posts & 35 voices | Started 1 year ago by robdob | Latest reply from roper

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robdob - Member

Ok so I got to work after a long ride in, 20 miles. Chilly but I had all the gear so I was comfortable.
Undressed for a shower as usual......
WHERE ARE MY TESTICLES????????

They had shrunk back up into my body, like I was 8 again or something. Only now, after a hot shower and a calming cup of tea have they regain their former, errr, dangliness.

I will do anything, buy anything to stop this happening again.
They weren't cold really, and I wasn't either.

I'm sorry about this but as the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem, errr, doubled.

Posted 1 year ago #
IanMunro - Member

I normally crying too much from peeing through a frozen baby carrot, to notice where my balls have gone.

Posted 1 year ago #
pedalhead - Member

They weren't cold really

testicle migration working correctly then

Posted 1 year ago #
robdob - Member

I honestly didn't know whether to put my trousers on or ask one of the female staff if they could lend me a skirt.

Still ache slightly.

Posted 1 year ago #
IanMunro - Member

I'm surprised it's the first time it's happened though.
Do you normally wear fleece lined pants or something?

Posted 1 year ago #
downshep - Member

Try running a marathon, the whole lot shrinks like a crisp poke under a hot grill. Thought I'd grown a monkey nut.

A long bath does the trick.

Posted 1 year ago #
philconsequence - Member

never happened to me before :S but a lot of guys mention it like its normal?

i'd be freaking out if they disappeared!

seeing as STW is mainly older men, can we start a basic poll of if its happened to them/normal?

if i'm weird for it not having happened... then i'm glad i'm weird.

Posted 1 year ago #
TPTcruiser - Member

Ninja/samurai retractable function, most useful.
Were you listening to "Kung Fu fighting" on the iPod?

Posted 1 year ago #
epicyclo - Member

er, did you dip them in the "calming cup of tea" or did they regrow naturally?

Posted 1 year ago #
IanMunro - Member

It's normal.
If it's never happened before you've got a special needs scrotum or have never got cold

Posted 1 year ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

You just keep telling yourself that Ian

Posted 1 year ago #
Mostly Balanced - Member

It's the pain in the end of my 'frozen baby carrot' that stops me riding much road in the winter. Baggy shorts over lycra would probably work but look daft on a road bike and I have had limited success with wearing a 'third sock'.

Posted 1 year ago #
IanMunro - Member

Bit of deep heat on the end works wonders.

Posted 1 year ago #
Gee-Jay - Member

Its going for a pee that I find mad, esp if none comes out to start with and your nadger swells up then goes off like a fire hydrant... always try to warm it first

Posted 1 year ago #
matt_outandabout - Member

Last turkey in the shop?

Posted 1 year ago #
Surf-Mat - Member

Try surfing in February for the ultimate "I've turned into a girl!" experience.

Posted 1 year ago #
robdob - Member

Never happened before, I wear Lusso bib tights over Lycra cycling shorts AND it wasn't that cold today I reckon.

There was some therapeutic massaging needed to regain the family jewels.

Posted 1 year ago #
tomdebruin - ex-web monkey

What you need, sir, is a ThermaJock: http://thermajock.com/

ThermaJock: Cold Weather Protection For Men

Posted 1 year ago #
robdob - Member

That would NOT be AWESOME.

Posted 1 year ago #
MikeT-23 - Member

Could it be connected to the body's 'fight or flight' response?

I must admit that quite often after a gym session the results are similar to your scenario, so I'm wondering if there's a redirection of blood to the areas of the body which require it most during exercise, thereby leaving non-vital organs for the chosen exertion starved of sustenance.

It is embarrassing though, eh?

Posted 1 year ago #
Cougar - Member

Back when I used to ride a motorbike, I discovered the hard way that my leathers were only waterproof to a point.

The shape of my legs on the tank formed a natural lake of rain water over time, as it pooled up. Eventually, the waterproofness of my trousers would be exceeded and, with little other warning, a puddle of icey cold water would gently but suddenly kiss the underside of my scrotum. Really focuses the mind, that. If my plums had retracted in fear much further you'd think I had tonsilitis.

Posted 1 year ago #
philconsequence - Member

i've been cold, i've been very cold, cold enough for the family jewels to shrink but never have they disappeared up inside of me

genuinely sounds like the most horrific thing in the world... how do they fit? where's the hole they go into?!

perhaps i'm just lucky i'm a warm person with lots of blood or summin?

Posted 1 year ago #
Cougar - Member

Could it be connected to the body's 'fight or flight' response?

It's purely temperature. Their, ah, optimum operating temperature is a degree or so below body temperature, which is why they're kept in a handy carrying pouch.

Posted 1 year ago #
Luminous - Member

LoL.

Some excellent ones here:

special needs scrotum

Has got to be up there with:

Flap dribble

which emerged during a thread where the women on here were chatting about answering the call of nature while out on a ride.

The baby carrot thing has been known to occur, but the two veg are always where I think they should be...

Must be shocking if you were to get baby carrot and the retracting plums at the same time.

Posted 1 year ago #
vitalspark - Member

try bawstick

Posted 1 year ago #
DrRSwank - Member

Better they retract then fall off.

I guess the main worry would be if the left one re-emerged through the right ones hole and vice:versa.

You'd get yourself in a right old knot then.

Posted 1 year ago #
robdob - Member

I need to check them again as the ache is still there.

[saunters casually away from desk as to avoid suspicion and hide panic]

Posted 1 year ago #
bullheart - Member

My wife says this thread is useless without pics.

I'm inclined to disagree and simply use my imagination.

Posted 1 year ago #
DrRSwank - Member

I need to check them again as the ache is still there.

Yes, do check them. If they've come out of the wrong holes you'll have a bad case of Twisticles......

Posted 1 year ago #
JEngledow - Member

Posted 1 year ago #
IanMunro - Member

I'll be wanting that back later.
You're one of those Nigerian witch doctors that can steal penises just by shaking hand with someone, aren't you?

Posted 1 year ago #
peajay - Member

Agree with Cougar, you don't know cold till you've been motorbike cold!

Posted 1 year ago #
Mostly Balanced - Member

Yep, I can vouch for that. The worst I can remember was stopping at a petrol station with hands numb to the wrists and staying for 20 minutes lurking, wincing at the pain as circulation returned.

Posted 1 year ago #
damion - Member

Oh thats a tough one. Most shrinkage from motorbike or winter water induced coldness?

I think I've never had as much pain trying to move after charging up and down the A1 on a bike without a fairing.

However, if my memory serves me right, I had more shrinkage after an unplanned swim whilst kayaking in january.

Hmmm...

Posted 1 year ago #
Moses - Member

It's normal, but then I do a fair bit of open-water swimming. My scrotum seems to compress the plums up into my abdomen in cold, and a bit of cosy warmth will coax them down with no harm done. It's better than frost-bite.
(Pun, for the French speakers)

Posted 1 year ago #