….because it’s two-tired.

What did the bee say to the naughty bee?

Beehive!

What’s white and flies through the trees?

Tarzan the Fridge.

What do you call a man who’s lost his pants?

Nicholas

A Grouse walks into a pub and asks for a whiskey, barman says “Did you know there’s a whiskey named after you.” Grouse replies “What, Eric”

Penguin walks in to a bar, says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?”

Barman says, “What does he look like?”

Two parrots sitting on a perch… “Can you smell fish” says one.

What do armies do?
Hold your handies on……

Two nuns sat in the bath, one says “where’s the soap?” other one says “yes it does doesn’t it”.

Two nuns on bikes meet at a crossroads. One says, “Which way did you come?”

The other replies, “Over the cobbles.”

I pushed some grapes up my lady’s arse lastnight during kinky sex, she didn’t scream, just let out a little wine.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Oh you’ve heard it.

What do you call a monkey with a hand grenade?

A baBOOM!!

I walked into a bar the other day – ouch!

Why did the monkey get lost? Cos the Jungle ist MASSIVE!

What’s the fastest thing under water?

A motor pike

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?….

an egg

what’s the fastest cake in the world?…….

scon…….

Dyslexic man walks into a bra…….

Why do Irishmen wear two condoms?

To be sure to be sure…..

Why can’t you get asprin in the jungle

Cos the parrots eat em all

What’s blue and smells like red paint??

Blue paint!

What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse?
Warren….

What goes “RING! RING! RING! RING! OUCH!“

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

(I’m so sorry, really I am!)

orena45 – Member

What’s the fastest thing under water?

A motor pike

…and side carp.
Turbot charged ones are the fastest.

what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose.
Full.

What goes round your waist at 50 miles an hour? Honda pants

What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A bee flying backwards

I went round to MC Hammer’s house the other night.

It was rubbish. He wouldn’t let me touch anything.

Why was the washing machine laughing?

Because it was taking the piss out of the pants.

tomhoward – Member
What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?

A raisin.

My dog’s got no dictionary.
How does it spell terrible?

Bloke goes into a Scottish baker’s.

“Is that a cake or a meringue?”

“Ye’ no rang, a’s a cake.”

Did you hear about the blacksmith’s dog?

It made a bolt for the door.

What do you call a man who sticks his head through your letterbox??

Bill.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

D[o]ug

Ok, so how about a person (sorry for sexism above) with seagull on their head

No, this isn’t going to work in pc

but

anyway

CLIFF! bdum tush!