Please someone help me. My entire life at the moment is spent calculating how far I am from the nearest porcelain throne. I haven’t left the house in 2.5 days, any food AND water I’ve ingested rushes through me like a bargain Tesco Black Friday TV is waiting at my now red raw sphincter. I now only use chilled baby wipes to cleanse myself, I have considered applying some sort of lubrication now but I don’t want it to come out any faster.
I’ve lost 5lbs in weight over the last 2 days, it feels like my life force is being flushed away every time I pull the toilet handle. My wife has tried to help but I just push her away “You can’t help me now my love, save yourself and stay away”.
No sleep, I am looking forward to squitting my way past another 4am again tonight.
Tell me it’s going to be ok. Tell me I’ll see daylight. Tell me I’ll eat again. And please tell me I can wear something more than my lightest dressing gown, cord removed to enable a quick strip as I lunge towards the bathroom.