My système digestif was a little more active than normal this morning. I think last night’s combination of reshmi and mixed kebab was the catalyst for this. Anyway, I got the prod from the mole at the counter and did a tight cheeked shimmy to the gents. Now as I may have mentioned before, our office loo has poor trap availability. There are just two. I entered to see both trap doors closed. Aaagh! Then I heard the flush of an emptying cistern and one of the doors opened. At this point, things went into slo’ mo’. I looked over the frames of my glasses to make fleeting eye contact with the chap whose trap tenure had just expired. He nodded a greeting and made his way to the sinks. Now I had an increasingly agitated mole and somewhere to drop him off. BUT. That toilet was just way too “hot.” I had visions of fatigued firefighters shovelling concrete onto it for maximum 30 second stints a la Chernobyl. A poorly maintained helicopter chuttered overhead and relieved its load of sand over the smouldering porcelain Sarcophogus. I mouthed a breathless “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” as I turned my back on the gamma soaked heat. Desperate as I was, I just couldn’t go in there.

I affixed a mental padlock to my sphincter and toddled off quickly to the factory loos.

For those concerned, I did make it in time.

To everyone, can I ask if you are similarly afraid of “hot” toilets?

Thanks for listening.

DS

Yep, it’s been broached here before. I don’t like using a toilet that is even vaguely warm. I’m also very concious of exiting and someone else heading straight in, it bothers me that they would sit there in my ‘warmth’.

Don’t like it!

système digestif

I got the prod from the mole at the counter

A poorly maintained helicopter chuttered overhead and relieved its load of sand over the smouldering porcelain Sarcophogus

😆

Genius.

With only two traps it makes a game of Sh1thouse Russian Roulette just too risky.

I went home yesterday for a poo. It had been building up all morning and it was either an uncomfortable 10 minute ride (stood up) or a shitty porta loo on site. It was a massive relief when i got home. But we’ve a German “viewing platform” toilet and the bloody thing was almost touching my arse by the time I was emptied and then I had to get the shower on it to help it on it’s way…

German loo pan design is very odd.

For me, it’s the lingering smell from previous trap occupancy, rather than warmth that really puts me off…

German “viewing platform” toilet

Ahh a turd-watching toilet – bloody ‘orrible things, quite probably designed by a company making toilet brushes and stench disguising sprays.

the smell is part of the warmth to which I’m referring.

If it truly is ‘hot’ and there is no option but to go tactical I always adopt the ‘Franz Klammer’ .

You are very warped Men.

Hobster – Member
If it truly is ‘hot’ and there is no option but to go tactical I always adopt the ‘Franz Klammer’ .

Genius!

I think the FBI found that there was a loose connection between cereal killers and strange toilet phobias ?

🙂

You’ve got to watch out for those cereal killers, alright. I hear Kellogs have a crack undercover team on the job.

When I’ve gotta go, pan heatage is the least of my worries. 😳

Surely the biggest risk of disappearing straight into a recently vacated pan is the possibility of….

Damn, caught at last – I massacred some Crunchy Nut Cornflakes this morning.

It’s a fair cop – slap on the bracelets.

cranberry, it’s too late – the house is surrounded. Tony the Tiger is on the case and he’s not a happy cartoon tiger peddling sugary morning treats. Expect a knock on your front door in 3… 2… 1… Damn, you’re busted.

Same here ,warm seat and aroma not pleasant.
We have three traps ( at work) , I use trap two , it’s in the middle.
Least used. Most people want a trap between them I think.
They think you can’t hear them strain.

In space, no one can hear you strain…

Slightly off topic, I once had a bathroom fitted and was surprised to find the plumber had connected the toilet to the hot water.

With the whole German/Austrian toilets thing, I’m always left feeling that if I put the kids in the pool, I actually want them in the pool before leaving, not sitting there waiting to be pushed in. Solution for the OP, use some cleaning gel and wipe the porcelain clean, for that minty cool feeling on your cheeks.

A bit OT, but… I’ve just returned from a visit to our toilets – a twin installation with thin dividing wall – and the sound of a one-way business telephone conversation was clearly audible from the other unit, together with the unmistakable tones of strain- and ploppage. 😮

Seriously, a business call on Percy Porcelain? Do mobiles have a sound filter function, or is this as bad as I think it is?

Only one thing worse than a previous combatants Bismarck in the pan:

I’ve just treated myself to a trip to the middle trap and the seat was indeed served at room temperature.

However, the thought crossed my mind that the middle trap is only usually used in emergencies so statistically there would have been more atrocities committed in there than in either of the busier adjoining end traps.

Mole detonation rather than drowning.

I noticed that the window sill did have some spare rolls stacked on it though. Something not seen in either of the neighbouring tourist hot spots.

statistically there would have been more atrocities committed in there than in either of the busier adjoining end traps.

Your Pristina to my Pripyat.

Staying in a Sand Dollar Motel in California when my eldest (who, when younger seemed to be able to lay logs completely out of proportion to his 3 yr old frame) took himself to the smallest room.
After longer than seemed reasonable I knocked on the door only to have it opened by said 8 yr old paddling.
He had managed to block the system and kept flushing.
Not sure the night porter believed me but he fought valiantly for over and hour armed with nothing than a plunger and some chemical in a drum.
There were furtive murmurs and glances as we checked out the next day, also hear rumours of a freighter sinking in the bay but they can’t prove anything.

We are in a converted barn with our two traps below, unheated and there’s more chance of your cheeks freezing to the seat. Having someone warm it first sounds like pure luxury.

I refuse to enter a trap where an atrocity has been committed. 😯
The people who carry out these atrocities , can you imagine what their
bathroom/toilet at home is like?

Creative writing classes have got a lot to answer for.

to go tactical I always adopt the ‘Franz Klammer’ .

😆

And now I’ve got the Ski Sunday music in my head.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB74Y_jDN6c[/video]

You are very warped Men.

Funny though! 😀

my eldest (who, when younger seemed to be able to lay logs completely out of proportion to his 3 yr old frame)

Ours can produce something the size of her forearm.

I’ve been told I’m not allowed to make jokes about a nuclear sub in the fjords.

My 3 year old daughter shits like an Israeli paratrooper.

priceless.

I read this from trap no. 4. The far end from the door. Safely out of harms way.

Ours had some firmness which caused a little discomfort pooing, but that snowballed because she didn’t want to go so held it in. After four days it eventually forced itself out during a pee. It looked like someone had filled the bowl with brown tangerines.

One furthest from the door is the ‘Black Ops’ trap.

My 3 year old daughter shits like an Israeli paratrooper.

My 8-year-old son dumps shipwreck flotsam – muchos random floatage. 😐

I read this from trap no. 4. The far end from the door. Safely out of harms way.

That’s punishable by death round these parts i tell ya, taking up trap time with yer bloody smartphones

I find that the answer in this scenario is the sanctity of the disabled toilet.

Normally only selected for getting changed into bike gear due to the extra room in there – in a normal waste evacuation exercise its unacceptable – too big a room to feel safe and secure in the s(h)itting position, but also the presence of a large mirror in the room makes you feel like you’ve got somebody watching you, which can be somewhat off-putting…

however – the extra tall toilet with longer drop provides an 84.2% lower chance of splash back, and the hand rails a good bracing point for when you’re carrying a burden with high risk of Subconjunctival Haemorrhage.

I find that the answer in this scenario is the sanctity of the disabled toilet.

This was always my trick when I worked in Turin.

Most of the bogs were hole in the ground. Potentially seriously dangerous in an emergency situation.

There was also 1 trap with a normal pan, but the red/white engaged/vacant symbol was reversed, so 95% of the time it looked engaged, and so was rarely used, and hence almost always safe. Unless someone else had a slight predicament, and tried to break in when you were mid business.

just two traps in easy striking distance of my office and without fail someone has put one of them out of commission by the time i’m ready for that first coffee lubricated evacuation.
There are some animals who work here and i shudder to think what their home thrones must be like

Harry_the_Spider – Member
My 3 year old daughter shits like an Israeli paratrooper.

Genuine LOL at this.

Mine is the same. In fact the other week she actually blocked the toilet at home, no amount of chemical would shift it I had to go out and buy a plunger!