Inspired by the article in issue 75…. heres mine…

Singletrackmind and myself went for a ride with a small group from a local club (think large wooded area to the south west of Southampton)… it started well, with us turning up on our 6″ travel bikes to be met by all rigid, most singlespeed, some titanium xc bikes. Well, thats ok, its all trail riding innit. So we set off, me and stm chatting getting our legs warmed up. And they’re off! Like the start of a 90s sport cat race, these lads pedalled off into the distance. We eventually caught them going across a field and I had words…basically asking if they minded us coming on the ride with them. Oh yes they said, thats fine. and sped off. Then singletrackmind went’n’busted his blimmin chain. Oh my, we held them up for all of 10 mins but they weren’t best pleased and amused themselves by talking about the plane daddy had been flying.. (i shit you not). Then things got worse…miles of frozen, flat, rutted landrover tracks. Miles of them i tell you. Frozen feet sinking into frozen water every few seconds. It was shit. It was cold. It was boring. It went on for ages.
The descent back to the car was the only good bit cos we could fly down on our full sussers leaving our jolly new friends behind us for once.

evening…
it was last thursday for me…. wet, 8 inch deep mud, stinging nettles from hell and brambles from the same post code, slippery and generally shitty. to top it all I fell of doing something stupid and now have a broken wrist putting me off the bike for weeks. 😥

Hurmmm, had something similar recently. Was at Afan with my riding buddy (both of us on full suss) and several of his work colleagues, most of who were on boardman hardtails. The weather was foul; chucked it down all day W2 was a river; killed a set of pads and my front wheel bearings.

Every Fireroad/singletrack climb, they were faster; fine we let them through; afterall it’s a group ride but I wouldn’t want to hold someone up. However when we got to any descents, where we were quicker- did they let me though ? He’ll no they didnt. Was sat on someone’s back wheel for most every fun bit. Towards the end I just hung back to have the downs to myself. Worst thing was at the bottom of the last descent my friend had really bad leg cramps but they just rode off again into the distance, I of course stayed with him; mates out for a ride etc and we just tootled along back to the cottage at a sensible pace, not very sporting on a group ride IMO. Won’t be riding with them again!

On the plus side, we’re off to coed y brenin & blaneau ffestinigog soon.. Can’t wait!

Susan Campbell,7 hours of sheer mindless boredom,never saw her again.
Ian

the last one – hit a wet root and and ended up with a broken collarbone. bugger.

Every Fireroad/singletrack climb, they were faster; fine we let them through; afterall it’s a group ride but I wouldn’t want to hold someone up. However when we got to any descents, where we were quicker- did they let me though ? He’ll no they didnt. Was sat on someone’s back wheel for most every fun bit.

Never enter the Dyfi Enduro

Had 2 rides fecked by dodgy freehubs. 1st time one went (just spinning, no drive) about 6 miles from the car & had to scooter it back, that was on Hexham Common. Next time on a ride from near Kirkby Stephen the opposite happened & the freehub locked up. Have you ever tried having to pedal down a rutted track when you really want to be freewheeling?
Both Shimano hubs BTW>

40 odd mile circuit of crossfell and surrounding area.
on a 150mm forked summer season. i got the bonk with 15 miles to go, and we did not have any lights.
coming down high cup nick in the dark was not fun.
i was pretty badly affected by the bonk, and did not realise till we got back to the carpark that i had carried a large bag of liquorice round with me………doh!

Today I went for a quick blast up around Margam park, and then decided on a 20 mile road ride. I nearly fell asleep twice! Mind numbingly boring, never again.

Finished a new bike build and put it in the car for the next morning. Early start, 7:30am in Swinley. Some trailside fettling as I went as you’d expect. Far too many thinks going wrong. Snapped the chain THREE times (crappy work from my part) and got two punctures. Miserable first ride.

My first ever event, the 2008 Merida Marathon at Penrith! Entered the 75k thinking it was the right distance to challenge me at time…I did rides that were 50k long after all. 🙄
I took off like a shot, thinking it was great with how many folk I was passing. They were out enjoying the ride though and probably doing the shorter routes. I ended doing a long road section behind Ullswater and there was no one else around. I was thinking I’d took a wrong turn and then cramp set in. I’d never had it before and getting back to the finish was agony…to say I was in a bad mood is putting it lightly! 😆
Strangely enough, I was hooked.

i attempted to do a team 12 hour event at salisbury plain last year (did no training prior to it 😳
i sucked worse than a freshly oiled limpit 😳 😳 managed 3 laps of the 7 mile course/and i sucked at those 🙁

Mtb or road Dez?

If it’s road then last year’s accident resulting in me waking up at 11.30 pm in A & E, in pain with a loss of memory. 🙁

Inners 2009.

Puncture on the long climb up. Fixed the puncture then realized my riding buddy (who was at the top) had the pump. Walked all the way to the top in some carbon shoes (very hard) pumped it up to find the tube was split. Replaced tube with another, rode 3mm’s and picked up a puncture on the other wheel. Fixed that puncture (now out of inner tubes) and rode for a good 5 feet before double puncture front and rear.

Walked all the way back to the car park 😡

Mtb or road Dez?

Road rides are always rubbish 😉

Went to the Marin a few years ago but I had been snorting coke including on the way up there. I was on my own and I was paranoid to death. I was thinking there were huge snakes and mountain lions stalking me through the trees which got me properly terrified. I lasted as far as the old mine thing before the terrors for the better of me and I gave up.

Listed up kids, coke and MTBing should not be done in conjunction with one another….

Also bad was driving nearly 3 hours to get to nant yr arian only to find as soon as I got out of the car park my rear hub disintegrated. 6 hours of driving for nothing.

Yesterday Llandegla… 4 punctures (not mine) and 2 snapped chains (both mine) between 3 of us. total ball ache.

loddrik – Member
Went to the Marin a few years ago but I had been snorting coke including on the way up there. I was on my own and I was paranoid to death. I was thinking there were huge snakes and mountain lions stalking me through the trees which got me properly terrified. I lasted as far as the old mine thing before the terrors for the better of me and I gave up.

woke up my sleeping Better half laughing at this… knowing, guilty laughter

The day I shat myself springs to mind…
Picture this,
A glorious day riding in the pentland hills was had. I decided to ride home as I started to feel a bit dicky.
I’m embarking on the 7 mile ride through Edinburgh to get home when an ungodly rumble emanates from my guts.
Oh no, I need to poop. Now.
I think of my options.
Can I make it home? No way. No way at all.
Can I run into a pub? I don’t have a lock, no way I’m leaving it outside.
Can I bring the bike into said pub? How’s that going to work, “mate, watch my bike while I make a war-zone out of your convenience.”
Can I go at the side of the road? Nope, busy area.
I have to dive into a garden.
I look hopefully into every garden I pass. This is a pretty posh area with big detached houses and perfectly groomed gardens.
This is not good.
I think it’s coming.
Yup some just come out.
Ok think.
Can I just unload in my shorts & ride home?
I’m wearing boxers with zero containment facilities.
I’ve never clenched my cheeks so much before.
I round the corner & see a supermarket car park.
I look around making a quick assessment.
There’s a strip of bushes separating the carpark from the pavement by the road.
This will have to be the scene of my humiliation.
I cycle into the bushes, dive of the bike, simultaneously pulling at my shorts.
It starts to come before I’ve cleared the shorts out of the way.
What follows is the release of the evil cauldron of hate that had been festering in my bowels.
I’m hearing people walk by.
God, I hope they don’t see/smell me.
There’s more people coming, a group of girls, I can hear the click of heels.
No time to try to clean up.
I’m a mess.
It’s down my legs.
I get back on the bike and ride away. Rapid.
My arse is warm & moist.
Every time I stop at a red light the stench hits me.
I must go like the wind to leave my problems behind.
I get home.
Say nothing to wife.
I strip in the shower.
I’m amazed at how much poop boxers can actually take. I underestimated them.
I scrub myself for 1/2 hour.
Reflect on how difficult it is to take off shorts & boxers filled with poop while not making mess of bathroom.
Wonder how I’m going to clean reflected upon mess I’ve made of the bathroom.

TL;DR
My bowels ruin a perfectly nice day of riding by making an unexpected announcement.

Picture this

I could, but wish I couldn’t. 😆

2wheels1guy…

😆

Weekend cycling with Clive Powell, seriously that guy really wants you to hurt 😥

I’d just got myself a new Hope light last winter and decided to try it out in the “real world” of night riding.

My mate was busy so I went on my own across the Cycle path that runs through the Golf Course, secretly scared about some nutter jumping out on me with a knife or something, but determind to try my new toy.

That went OK as I came out alive, so I got more comfident & went up a Trail thats rocky and absolutly pitch black.

Went fine, turned round and was impressed with my light till I was pedalling uphill and something snapped dropping my feet to the floor and nearly making me speak several octaves higher 😯

I just wanted out of there so I grabbed the bike, and started running ( yeah Im scared of the dark – well being on my own ) and finally got to the road and realised I’d snapped my Mech Hanger

Dont know what caused it, but id chewed the rear gear cable up as well.

Got a lift home and snapped the mech hanger again a couple of months ago miles from home but this was due to my negligance as the jockey wheels were completley worn and id not spotted it 😳

One of my worst days in the saddle.
Second day of The Coast to Coast and we arrive @ the Tan Hill pub in the Dales, hard day in the saddle and we decided to have a few beers before we reach Reeth where we are staying @ the Dales MTB centre, its 9pm it bitterly cold so we decide against my wishes to follow the road to Reeth and miss the offroad section.
Wake up the next morning nice and early so we are ready for an early off, bikes prepped and its 9am its cold steady drizzle and its foggy for the first time I dont check my map and we start to follow the two garmins as we have the route plotted. Two hours of hard riding and we are soaked to the skin and various mechanicals are causing friction in the group, then we spot the Tan Hill pub and for some reason the Garmins have taken us back to the part of the ride where we diverted!As you can imagine there are some sad looking faces in the group me included but I managed to quip thats my kind of Garmin!
The prospect of a very long wet day in the saddle looms and we decide to road it again back to Reeth but to stop for food and regroup in a cafe.First cafe we get to and we are turned away we are filthy mind so we find another,we enter to find two very camp guys who were very welcoming and even ushered some old uns out of the cafe so we could fit us in even helping us off with our muddypacks and jackets and the look on there faces as we were stood there in our wet lycra was quite amusing.Every type of food was eaten and a plan was hatched to try and finish the c2c in three days as planned.We pass the Dales centre ay 1pm with our heads bowed with embarrasment and no one spoke as we plodded on the weather was unrelenting head wind and the prospect of not having a place to stay for the night was a grim prospect.We reach the fringe of the North York Moors and we have a couple of hours of light left, lights are fitted and the last of the food is eaten a few of the party like the look of the road but its at least double the distance so we stick together and off we go.Weather takes a turn for the worst and its getting unbearable but we are fairly well kitted out but then the punctures started happening then lights/garmins started to fail,loads of comedy crashes and knocks we decide to surrender and head for civilisation 20 miles short of the finish @ 9.30pm.Luckily we find a hotel which has room for 3 and they find a bnb for the other 3,I head off to the bnb which was a high end 5 star one unknown to me and very pricy.Greeted by the hosts they made us strip off in the garage before we were let in they then told us that was a 10.30 curfew!!!The only glimmer of light on that ride was that we all stuck together but I never want to repeat the experiance a ride like that again.

Rich

Tan Inn help yourself! by Richard Munro, on Flickr
Seemed a good idea @ the time

P9262970 by Richard Munro, on Flickr

Hell!

Not a good time for a puncture! by Richard Munro, on Flickr

I went for a road ride once – so yeah, that.

Tough days that broke you again and again until you slipped into a weeping pit of despair… and then you carried on, are remembered as the best days of your life. They are the days you truly fought; truly lived.

Ae

I’d rather give up mountain biking than ride there ever again

Mine was an unexpected tubeless fail with a Schwalbe front tyre that just “decided” to depart its rim mid corner. Financially it was bad – off work for almost 2 weeks and had to pay for someone to cover me, plus bike damage – probably 2-3K for something random and a bit painful. I dont use Schwalbe TL tyres tubeless now: although that may be unfounded – its a confidence thing.

Lost in thick fog/rain and 70mph winds on top of Helvellyn. -17 with wind chill and I was in a synthetic top and a paclite top. Not fun.

i drove for nearly two hours, unloaded the bike for a big, saturday ride of maybe 6- 7 hours, set off down first hill from the car park and when I eventually started to peddle nothing happened and I had lost a jockey wheel. 2 shops, each about 5 miles away had none in stock so after an hour or more of faffing I gave up and went home. Pretty much whole day wasted as well as ££ of petrol money.

Say nothing to wife.

I cant believe you are married.

Some crackers here – think I would have self-harmed on postierich’s ride.

Nothing in that league here – a few unfixable mechanicals such as a siezed hub, or ripping a pedal off the spindle – resulting in 2,3 mile walks in cycling shoes that seem like the worst thing in the world at the time. You should be caning it down the trail and doing some goddamn mountain biking, but instead you’re traipsing along like a disappointed bell end.

I once did my last tube on the top of Helvellyn by fixing a flat, then leaving the tyre lever inside the tyre and riding off 🙂 Had an ancient patch kit with me though so total disaster was averted.

Probably the second to last time I went to Cannock. Just a really shit ride plagued with punctures (I somehow got one before I even entered the first bit of FTD) and just couldn’t get into it at all. Went back this weekend and it was a bit better but there’s just something about Cannock that makes me not have much fun there.

I hit a low point when i was out with a lad who was at the time my only riding buddy. He normally went out with his girlfriend or other occasional riders so when I said I had all day and fancied a bit of an epic he got really quite excited.

So we did ~35ish miles, him on his bouncy bike, me on my 100mm XC hardtail round the Peaks, I was pretty beaten up and it was by far the longest I’d ridden on a bike since my teens.

Cramp set in like a B**tard about 8 miles away from the van and we had nothing left to munch on, I’d rapidly dismounted my bike involuntarily due to some kind of leg cramp/spasm action.

Thinking that cramp = loss of electrolytes or something I was desperate for something to eat, then after about 10 mins joked that if there was a grit bin at the side of the road i’d have a go at sucking on it to get some salts back into me – about 20 yards down the road there was one hidden in the bushes :/

Yep, sucked on grit for 10 mins then limped back to the van still cramping pretty badly. Once we’d got back of course emptied the camel bak looking for the van keys and found a load of flapjack in there.

Such tales of woe! My worst was at Glen Tanar in Deeside, about 1989. Eight of us turned up. We waited half an hour in the car park for one lad to change his slicks for knobblies – both sets of tyres had ridiculously tight beads and he kept puncturing his tubes whilst trying to force them onto the rims.

He dropped out after ten minutes as no-one could be arsed waiting for him to fix yet another flat. Not long afterwards, another guy managed to ram his rear mech into his spokes and limped back. This went on until there were just four of us left, perhaps fifteen miles away from the car.

I uttered the fatal sentence, “Well that seperates the men from the boys” just as my pedal thread stripped and I crashed to the ground. Various fixes including a stick in place of a pedal just weren’t cutting it and eventually, the remaining three left me to walk back to the car. It was a very long, cold walk.

I’ve had a few but the most epic worst was last year in Tasmania during the adv race world champs. I think it was about Day 3 or something, anyway we had had f all sleep and headed out on a 145km MTB ride. After navigating some interesting bits we were on a nice bit of singletrack which round a corner was met with a wall of sand. I mean a 10m high wall of sand. Climbed up onto the top and it was like being on the moon – sand as far as the eye could see. The map was 21years old and clearly the sands of time etc etc our only choice was to head roughly NNW and try and find the track as it popped out. We bush bashed and gorvelled for 6 hours at night in there. Found a track, got the squits, lost my glasses etc facking nightmare. Got out of that with about 100km still to go. Got through most of it then the last 20k had a nice big climb and what, on the map was a great descent. Climb was do’able although one of the teams rear stans hub ate itself and i had to improvise a fix with a collection of zip ties ! Top of the hill to find an utterly unrideable descent ! It was impossible. It was raining hard, cold as all ****, another night of no sleep and confused.com. Utterly utterly miserable. Got to the TA and managed to grab 3 hours kip under a parked truck out of the rain – it was joyous.

One of mine was all my own fault – ignored the basic rules. I had just flown home from Asia on the first Saturday of January and was desperate to get out. It was that really violently cold patch we had a couple of years back, but jet-lagged to bits and frankly all over the place I drove out to Queen Elizabeth Park to ride part of the SDW. With minus 9 showing on the temperature gauge at 10am I set out. It was pretty but brutally cold and icy, I only had a jacket and shirt and shorts on (why?! why?!). Oh yes, and no food as there was nothing in the house.

I turned at about 1.30, forgetting that it got dark by 4. And the car park had a sign saying it was locked at dusk. Oh yes and my Camelbak had frozen so I had no water. And no-one knew where I was. And my phone was happily in the warm at home. And I was rapidly getting slower and slower.

Fighting exhaustion, I pressed on desperate to beat the car park closure but getting more and more light-headed. I really, really wanted to stop, get off and just lie down towards the end, but something told me that would probably be it for me. I finally got back frozen and shivering just before dusk – a bit of an education really in being prepared. Phew!

Ae

I’d rather give up mountain biking than ride there ever again
+1

Had a miserable ride with a mate last November. The plan was to do a long moorland loop and make an afternoon of it. As we drove there we left blue skies behind and it got blacker and blacker. I hadn’t gone in my riding kit and started to get changed, at which point, I realised I’d somehow forgotten my baggies and bib-shorts – all I had in the car was a pair of very thin slightly too big liner shorts.

Despite the lack of suitable shorts, I decided lets just get on with it. It was properly cold and an already bracing wind picked up to a steady 30-40mph.

The bridleway route we’d planned turned out to be indiscernible on the ground and over a grassy bog so progress was very slow. Just as our morale was at it’s lowest, torrential rain started to pelt down.

The rain soaked my liner shorts making them sag so every time I got off the front or back of the seat they’d hook up on it and get pulled down.

The bog got so wet and the wind was so hard that you had to pedal hard on the descents as well as the climbs. I had a massive sense of humour bypass over the whole thing and my mate is still mentally scarred from riding behind those sagging mesh shorts.

We eventually got back and have both sworn we’ll never do that route again.

January 2006 – woke up hungover at 7am to ride to work. Cold but crisp morning; ‘oh well’, thinks I ‘at least the ride to work will clear my head’.

100m from the house, braked for T-junction, fell on black ice and broke my left humerus.

It still aches from time to time. Today is one of those days funnily enough.