My aunt bought me a pair of banana yellow y-fronts from Littlewoods when I was 8, we don’t really talk anymore.

I ask because a colleague of mine, in a move that may justifiably be described as somewhat audacious, is paying to have his girlfriend whipped as one of her presents this year!

I used to go out with a girl who wanted to try S&M. So, I bought her a cashmere blend cardigan, and a rocket and crayfish sandwich on focaccia.

She dumped me. There’s no pleasing women, hey?

I asked for a Rubber plant and my wife bought me a Michelin Factory….

A trouser press.

Gutted.

paying to have his girlfriend whipped

Why pay someone else to have all of the fun?

I can only imagine that she’s indicated to him that this is something she wants. Either that or it’ll be a bold opening gambit in front of the Christmas tree!

An Owl.

I got an XXL jumper off an auntie one year.

I’m 11 stone wet through, you could’ve got three of me in it.

I bought Wifey a voucher for the local tattooist to call her bluff after a chance remark. I fully expected to end up using it myself but five months later she finally went for it.

Mum & Dad bought me a morse tapper kit when I was about 10.

I wanted “Mouse Trap” and thought that’s what it said on it.
Imagine my joy.

I got a really bad wolly pully off my sister one year from M&S. Obviously took it back to be told it wasn’t a current item, it was two years old! Cheeky bitch, but she’s a bit like that.

In september she sent an e-mail around the family with her Christmas list (she’s 42 FFS). I sent a shitty one back pointing out that I didn’t even know if I would be working by Xmas, was waiting for a brain scan result that would have determined whether I needed to start chemotherapy or not, and if I did then there was a very good chance that my employer would have finished me – my sick pay would have finished anyway, so work or no work it wouldn’t have been an extravagant Christmas.

@Mostly Balanced, a tattoo, thats the gift that keeps on giving lol!

A socket set (I did ask for it)

I am an ugly fat man. My aunt brought me a rape alarm.

Holy Toast

About twenty years ago myself and some mates befriended Barry, a retired Hells Angel in our local pub. Lovely old guy, not as many fingers as most of us would like, but plenty of tall stories to tell, some of them ended with the loss of a finger. Anyway we’d just chat with him if he was around the bar, we didn’t have him around for dinner or anything.

One Christmas there was a knock at the door and it was Barry with little giftwrapped presents for us all – they were hand knitted moccasin slippers, each knitted frugally out of a bewildering variety of left over bits of yarn, and with improbably large pompoms on the toes. They each came with a card from Barry’s mum (who we’d never met or even heard of) who’d knitted them to thank us each personally for being so nice to her Barry.

Even though they were way too small for my size 12 feet (they’d ping off quite comically if tried to go down the stairs too quick) I wore them for the best part of 10 years.

A good friend recently bought his wife a sat nav and she wasn’t best pleased.

Not to worry he thought, she’ll love the other present.

A LadyShave.

(Here you go love, you can’t read maps and your legs are hairy).

A good friend recently bought his wife a sat nav and she wasn’t best pleased.

Not to worry he thought, she’ll love the other present.

A LadyShave.

Funnily enough I think my wife would love the above presents because they’d actually be useful.

I think she made me get her a satnav for a bday once already.

A spade. I spent many eager excited weeks wondering what the extravagant present was that was so large he needed to hide it behind the sofa 😯

Ohh!

I did once buy my wife a toilet seat and another time a rubbish bin.
😀

M_F, Why didn’t you buy her a decent one?

my mum once bought me a camouflage net for my birthday, I still to this day don’t understand why.

she was speaking to my wife the other day and asked if I’d like a blow torch “for creme brulees”
I have never made a creme brulee in my life (apart from when it was my job).

A couple of years ago my mum bought me a horrible plastic dish-draining rack. She was (and remains) convinced it is the best present ever because it has a tray underneath it to catch the drips. It was the only thing I got from my parents that year, and she expected me to lug it home (it’s about 20*60*80cm) on the train from Aberdeen to Aberystwyth.

M_F, Why didn’t you buy her a decent one?

Boom, boom, tish!
😆

I got a trouser press once – from my mother in law.

This year my wife wants a Kitchen Aid food mixer as it is a good practical thing to have.

I once recieved a bokken (wooden samuri training sword)… 14 ampoules of morphine and some pink fluffy slippers embroidered with lovehearts from a good mate..

I wasn’t very popular at the family xmas dinner after tucking into the morphine though..

at least you had the sense to not use the sword …admit it you did not know where it was did you?

My wife and her sister once opened tree presents from their parents (pretty straight laced and not given to humour or irony) to find that they had each been given a love heart shaped kit for pruning their down below “topiary”.

I reckon it took both my wife and her sister a full minute to breathe or regain control of their jaws.

Shin pads…. From my then fiancees parents when I was in my twenties.

I have never been a footballer

tickets for Riverdance at Nottingham Ice Rink from my sister 8 years ago. Asked her whether it was a joke and simply gave them back to her.

It cannot be spoken about in our family.