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[Closed] What would you do? Wife/work/stress question...?

chalkstorm · 2009-12-18T07:54:37Z

Hi STW collective My much better half has a senior finance job - reporting into the FD. She works harder than anyone I know and is totally un-appreciated. Her boss thinks they get on well - and on the face of it, I suppose they do - but deep down, it is all about him. For the last few weeks she comes home (late - often after 14 hours out of the house) - pretty upset. I cannot say anything to help - because my attitude is simple - tell him what you can do, what you can't - and make him choose. We end up falling out. Last night, same thing. Girly in her office had waters break. My better half takes her to the hospital, loses half a day (her boss just expects her to). She gets back, payroll system down. She knows her way round the systems - but she is not an expert. She needs to spend today fixing it - in order to get the hundreds of staff paid for Xmas. her boss says he needs her at a board meeting in London. She is worried sick that people won't get paid. She spends most of the night awake, sniffing (crying). I'd have told him I wasn't going to the meeting - and would fix the payroll system. She said she did - but he wouldn't have it. So, when it doesn't work and folks don't get paid, I would ensure he takes the rap. Couple of things to consider though... 1 She never really enjoys her job - and works to live 2 She feels trapped by the money 3 We will at some point downsize 4 We could probably downsize now and reduce financial commitments 5 She is well paid - and well able to take responsibility 6 The last person in her position had a nervous breakdown 7 Her boss is a roadie! Seriously though - although it goes against my better judgement, I am ready to drop him a gentle email and explain how close to the edge she is. I'd rather do that than risk her health..... So, my question is, should I? Ultimately, she needs to get out - but that won't happen quickly. STW thoughts?

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chalkstorm

Posts: 0

Free Member

Topic starter

Sue_W - Member

.....but does get cross as he sees me very upset and stressed and doesn't understand 'why I don't sort it out'. Unfortunately, that adds to the pressure and stress and becomes another thing that I need to be responsible for. Although many guys are very 'action-focused' and think that sympathy doens't help, for many women, and hug and an opportunity to talk without being judged is really importnat, and yes, sympathetic words can and do help by making you feel that you're not alone!

I think you've got it spot on there Sue.... thanks. I just want to help.... but end up getting angry when she doesn't want to do what I suggest (although my way may not work for her...)

Posted : 18/12/2009 3:14 pm

AnalogueAndy

Posts: 0

Free Member

Feel for you both. Send her our love and enjoy your time together over Christmas

Andy

Posted : 18/12/2009 5:25 pm

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