Leaving aside the stuff I'm not going to post on the internet…

I used to work late shift as a truck mechanic.
Coming up to xmas one year, I told a friend's little boy that we had had a crashed lorry towed in last night.
It had gone through the M5 central reservation and hit a sled pulled by a load of reindeer going the other way.
There were dead reindeer and presents all over the road.
"What happened to the presents ?" he asked.
"They all got swepped up and put in a skip" I told him.

Attempted suicide when I was 11.

Top that!

I knocked a bigh'ol Labrador over whilst joy riding down a country lane. The dog was still on the lead, one of those extendible ones.

Broke my mates leg when he waded in to stop a fight I had gotten into.

Cheated on my long time girlfriend who was actually my best friend ever.
(the 'other' girl was a miles better sh*g though, in fact I still think about her & it happened nearly 10 years ago!)

I'm off for a w**k.

esselgruntfuttock LMFAO!!!!!

I'm liking this thread! 😀

Had a friend who at a party went to the loo and produced a 'floater' – queue outside so she got some loo roll , picked it up and flung it out the window. Unfortunately it landed on the conservatory roof which was full of partygoers 😛

😀
that cant be true cuz girls dont poo…!
I once killed a swan…
Sorry your majesty but it kept nicking my bait… so I shot it with a catapult and snapped its neck! It didnt die instantly either, it flew across the lake with its head dangling in the water and crashed into a tree! Found it dead next day…..I said a little prayer 😥

Joined STW then pissed off for a few months and made the mistake of coming back! after all the funny posters got banned.

Still a whole loads of sh1te getting discussed? by people who have nothing better to do.

BIG MISTAKE!

Punched a girl in the face. For fun.
Sorry Trina, but you did smell of piss (justification of a 10 year old).

I've done worse but they shall remain secret.

Your mum

Rather you than me, mate 😛

It didnt die instantly either, it flew across the lake with its head dangling in the water and crashed into a tree!

This gave me the guilty lols

Lived with a absolute knob jockey of a warden at university, he bought a fresh little pint of milk every day as he was properly weird about off milk, we clocked this trend early on so also started buying little fresh pints of milk daily.

Ours would sit in the sun for weeks and then we would take the labels off of his new milk put on our old milk and replace in the fridge.

I don't think he ever figured out what was going on and it send him loops 🙂

The one I feel most guilty about however is starting a little fire in the corner of a corn field in Cheshire, being young I had no idea that it would spread, and spread it did, across the whole field, to neighbouring fields and beyond!!!!

Not me, but my mate from London got hammered in his local club and pulled a young lady who he then took outside to the park and gave her one. She was very keen to go back to his house to continue but in the state he was in he had no interest and as he had gotten what he wanted already he 'made his excuses and left' leaving the girl to fend for herself and find her own way home.

She was picked up by four men in a car, subjected to a gang rape and left with HIV as a result. He was picked up for questioning about (from CCTV in the local kebab shop) it so got given all the details.

Once sober he was obviously horrified and i don't think he's ever gotten over it and i'm sure that plays a big part in why he is now a policeman (who was until recently on the sexual crimes squad). Don't think i'd like that one on my conscious. To be fair to him though it's not the sort of thing you'd ever expect to happen.

Nice. Cheers for posting that.

my worst (that I'll admit to on the internet) was feeding seagulls bicarbonate of soda on bread and watching them fall out the sky at the age of 8. (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, BIRDWATCHERS DON'T LIKE IT).

Speaking to the house tech in one of the venues on the last tour, he tells of when, in the late 80's, he was on tour in the states with a new guy in the crew. They were all a bit bored and being off their faces on all sorts of interesting things, they went and spent some time with some local hookers. The new guy managed to catch a rather nasty dose of crabs and was paniking about what to do. Roadie X (names disguised to protect the guilty) handed him a bottle of liquid and advised that If he applied it liberally to his problem, it would clear up in a few hours. Later that day, they found the new guy lying on the floor doubled up and screaming his head off. Turns out that the bottle contained moisturiser mixed with bleach. Apparently this was hilarious for all involved, except the new guy who went and got a job in another industry quite quickly!!!

Have to say, I viewed him quite suspiciously when he brought us all coffee's later that day

When I was a Knd I had a hamster called hammy, one of my mates said that he would give me quite a few bits and bobs to borrow hammy for 2 weeks including a calculator watch.

So of course I accepted, fully expecting the return of hammy the performing hamster, who could do back flips and fall through he mans trap doors in his castle, all sorts of other good stuff.

Anyway after 2 weeks I went to get hammy back, only to be told by my was friend turned worst enemies dad, that the hamster had died.

2 days later said hamster napper/assasin came round to go out on our BMX's and asked to use my toilet. So I of course said yes no problem, of he went to do his business and I got started on the business of slackeing of his brakes then tightening them just enough so that they would hold for normal braking but not extreme braking.

We set of on out trip to arthurs seat and around then came back to the innocent cycle path which is quite steep descent from the main road, half way down the road/path speed picking up nicely I start to brake to turn in, so does my brother and to does the hamster napper/assasin. Which is when the first ping sounded and his back cable came loose, he panicked and jammed on the front frake, did a pretty good endo/wheelie then the front pinged as well. He went hurtling down the hill into a rather large post about 1.5ft across and 5 ft high and lay on the ground moaning.

Laughed so hard I almost pissed and he's lucky I didn't or it would have been on his head!

got banned from ebay

apparently a plastic tube and rat does not constitute a DIY abortion kit

scott_mcavennie2 – Member
Gave my mate's cat LSD

Interestingly, since posting that, I have found out that my mate, who didn't know this happened, and I haven't seen or spoken to in years is actually an xc racer and probably posts on this very site.

Played chicken with my mate using a spear made from a penknife on a stick – got him in the thigh.

I beat another kid from my school to a paste, his mum wouldn't have recognised him. Still scares me to this day. I've never been a fighter or a hard man, don't have the build or the inclination for it, so it came as a bit of a surprise all round. He had a few kicks due to him but nothing like that. Took care to not get in many fights after that.

I once killed a swan…

you c@nt!! swan killer as well as fish killer 8Odo you eat babies as well?

battered the crap outa an engerlishman just cause he asked the time!