mate of mine asked me
'What are those sausages called on top of Pepperoni Pizzas?'
Chat Forum
what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
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Posted 7 months ago #
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The fresh or salt water in the toliets question isn't that daft is it?
I think the whole point of the toilet water was why would it matter and why would you want to know?Posted 7 months ago # -
I have a new one to add, from 5 minutes ago in fact. "This bloody key doesn't work!!" said the missus after having to walk home from the gym (don't go there) because she couldn't open the car. Having just walked down to retrieve it I'm sure the bloke who owned the car she was trying to get into would have been amused to see her clicking her key at his car!! Ours was 100 yards away in a different car park - where she had left it 2 hours earlier...
Posted 7 months ago # -
"This bloody key doesn't work!!"
Years ago now, my grandad once got halfway home from work in his Austin Allegro before realising that he was actually driving a colleague's Allegro that was parked next to his. High security locks back then, it seems.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Has anyone got any that aren't so obviously made up/urban myths off tinternet please?
Like all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...
Posted 7 months ago # -
My Mum used to work in a bank and would often have to interview people about their overdrafts. One not exactly with it couple came in to talk to her and were asked about their expenditure, assets etc. They both lived in a bungalow, not far from the sea, and were asked about other property they owned. They duly informed my Mum that they did have a holiday home, which was an absolute God send, where they could get away from it all ... And guess where this holiday home was - 2 miles away from their own home.
Posted 6 months ago # -
I once tried to get in the wrong car and the person caught me - thankfully my identical car was parked behind his and i stopped as he shouted and looked confused as the seatcovers were different
I also once rang the police to report my car stolen from work and then staring at the only car in the car park realised I had come into work in my [ex] wifes carPosted 6 months ago # -
mate having a girl at work cut his hair, girl cutting it spots a birthmark on his head and asks "what's that?" he says "it's a birthmark", "Oh,how long have you had that then?"...what a biff!
Posted 6 months ago # -
Not said, but definitely the most stupid thing I've witnessed recently.
Last weekend we had a mountain rescue. RN Sea King repeatedly landing and taking off from a very small area right next to the main road taking MRT members up onto the mountain. So there we are, all cowering next to our vehicles as it's coming in to land, when some old gimmer in his Rover stops on the main road for a better look. Stupid place to stop I think but not much I can do with the helicopter only 50 feet above. Not close enough for him evidently, as he then turned into the landing pad, past the No Entry signs, and drove under the Sea King as it came down! Then he looked all offended when he got some blunt and loud corrective advice and drove off in a huff.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Friend of my Mum used to work as a tour guide at Bramhall Hall. When describing the discover of dinosaur bones in the gardens, an American tourist said "gee, they must have been pretty close to the house"......
Posted 6 months ago # -
As funny as these stories are I would still like
a bit more detail onpicture of emsz and her friend getting caught outPosted 6 months ago # -
Female friend at uni (watching Robin Hood: Prince of Theives)
"you know who'd make a good sherrif of Nottingham? That Alan Rickman"
Cue much laughter
Posted 6 months ago # -
I do....
Posted 6 months ago # -
In the pub in wells next to sea the pub is called the bowling green(best pub and grub in wells) there's 5 of us off the survey boat sat there chatting and brazil nuts come up in conversation when Chris the quite surveyor says "brazil nuts are they the ones that come on a whalnut whip" needless to say we pissed are self's laughing for over an hour priceless.
Posted 6 months ago # -
I was doing some fire awareness training on Friday.
Me: right, name me some flammable liquids that we have here at the college
Brian: Wood!
Posted 6 months ago # -
Had a trainee whom always even on the simplest of jobs couldn't even set the simplest
of woodworking machinery and always made an excuse for not being able to set up correctly
and always started with the words But The Point Is !I got so fed up with his uselessness I then stuck him behind the sanders placing sanding parts
on pallets. He came up to me and asked why I've put him there and replied
The Point Is I've put you where you where your best at.The Point Is
Posted 6 months ago # -
The sister of an ex whilst watching an article on David Walliams swimming the channel at the point where he was being coated in lard, "Lard? That's what Whales have got on them". Driving through the countryside (I'm veg*n by the way, just for context), "Swamp-Boy, is the country vegan?" How do you answer that!?
Airport was on at work one day and animal handlers were called to deal with a very narky Ground Hornbill. Bloke goes "Is that a Kestrel?" Recently we've also managed to convince him that they've re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands, complete with the old chestnut about them having shorter legs on one side of the body to make it easier to run around the hills...
Posted 6 months ago # -
Girl in Florida: 'So, how long did it take you guys to drive here?'
Me: 'Where from?'
Girl in Florida: 'England'
Me: 'Errr...there's no land bridge'
Posted 6 months ago # -
all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...
Sorry Elf but I can solemnly testify that the American tourists in Edinburgh ones are definitely true. The reason you've heard them before is most of them happen every day during tourist season.
Stand on the Royal Mile for ten minutes and you'll see some biffa with a camera, complaining that they built the castle on a big hill.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Was in the US with the folks in the 80s. Parents wanted to ship something to France for my grandparents and went into a post office.
"We want to ship it to France"
"France, where's that?"
"Europe"
"Is that east or west of the mississippi?"Posted 6 months ago # -
A friend of mine a few years ago in an English class: "How do you spell SECC?"
Posted 6 months ago # -
Next time your car doesn't start bring it into us - Renault main dealer, thanks for the helpful advice and being unable to diagnose why it randomly wouldn't start previously.
Posted 6 months ago # -
More amusing than dumb, but I convinced a friend that the beeping noise made but the parking sensors on my car (also activated when people were crossing the road) was an inbuilt gaydar.
Posted 6 months ago # -
An uber-feminist blogger wrote some time ago on the Guardian website that she was deeply offended when her male friends referred to people in general as mankind. Humankind please, she implored!
Posted 6 months ago # -
Like all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...
Looking across the lakes at Blenheim Palace, I heard 'Is that the Thames?'
Honest.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Girl at work has her cup in the vending machine and is pressing/stabbing the 'Jug' button.
After a while I asked if everything was ok?
No, I can't get any milk for my coffee.
But you're pressing the 'Jug' button, says I.
Yes, she says, milk comes from a jug, but its not working...
Posted 6 months ago # -
Looking across the lakes at Blenheim Palace, I heard 'Is that the Thames?'
Honest.
I've been asked if the Thames that I live near is the same one as in London. I live inside the M25.
Posted 6 months ago # -
I know a lass that can't, despite numerous explanations, get her head round the fact that the moon she looked up at when on holiday in Spain is the same moon that she can see from her own home in Yorkshire.
"But the one I saw in Spain was much bigger..."Posted 6 months ago # -
Mum :- "The reason the Bacon isn't very good here (Florida) is that the grass isn't much good for sheep" (possibly a genuine slip up)
Random woman on the cycle line (to her small dog) : "We've had this conversation before"
Me : "Check it out! - a land speed record boat!"
Posted 6 months ago # -
Friend of mine "What's that big bird on Seasame Street called?"
Posted 6 months ago # -
we sat in front of three girls on a coach back to the airport from a tacky package holiday who were discussing their luggage. conversation went:
girl 1: I hope my suitcase isn't over, I aint paying extra, I just chucked it all in, was a right mess an I aint messing around with it in front of everyone.
girl 2: babe if you're worried it's over you're gonna have to get it out an fold it up, just to be sure.
Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded
Posted 6 months ago # -
on another forum some kid's engine is running a bit hot...
I've allready got some flexi piping but i want it to look flushish at the front so was gonna cut a perfect hole in one of my vents or into my grill where the fiat badge is straight onto my radiator or whichever bit of my car it is that overheats....
i'm using a metal extractor fan pipe, no change of it melting? it's like thin foil type s**t over metal rings
A few replies later...
...and how do i seem clueless? i wanna stick a f**king air hole in my car because i know for a fact that if i draw cold air into my engine bay it'll help cool it.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Recently we've also managed to convince him that they've re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands
You should take him to visit the treacle mines in Sabden.
I've been asked if the Thames that I live near is the same one as in London
"No, it's the other one."
Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded
I've been asked more than once whether hard disks full of data are heavier, and heard the explanation that PCs slow down when the disks get full because the the weight of data makes the platters spin more slowly.
Posted 6 months ago # -
If it's a flash drive in a Kindle it is heavier with more data on it
Posted 6 months ago # -
We once had a whole lecture on wether electronic data had a weight. I think the conclusion was that it did, but it was so small it was imeasurable.
Posted 6 months ago #
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