Whatever’s on offer at Tesco.

Cut ’em into smaller lumps than for roasties (half an inch maybe), wash to get rid of excess starch, boil, drain, splash of milk, seasoning, HULK SMASH, plate, gravy.

Really, you’re over-thinking this.

Here is my recipe for “Shagging Mash”. It was handed to me by the office serial adulterer, so he knew what he was talking about.

Maris Pipers
Mash with butter, grated cheese and a small amount of wholegrain mustard.
Then add the secret weapon… Sautéd leek.
Beat with a wooden spoon.
Eat.
Shag.
Beat with a wooden spoon again if you are lucky.

Very, very potent stuff. I once served it at a dinner party for my sister and her husband. When she was offered a glass of wine she said no and announced that she was 12 weeks pregnant. She’d only just eaten the mash!

😆