“Incoming!” Usually followed by clasping my hands over my head and crouching down – it seems to aid release.

oooh, that was a struggle.. am I pretty..?

thegreatape – Member
My youngest son, 2.5, without fail points at me and declares ‘That was YOU’ whenever he farts.

I forgive him though because he calls his bawbag his ‘hanging brain’.

Made me and mrs nobeer lol, big style!.

Was that your front bum or the back one? 😈

I usually blame one of the kids…

“Release springs” that was the phrase used by the duty officer when we unloaded our weapons for checking the chamber after use in the army

My grandad used to shout “There’s fog in the channel!”

If you do a silent one say “Do you smell popcorn (your food of choice)”. Cue everyone taking in a big sniff 😆

Made me and mrs nobeer lol, big style!.

The image of Mr and Mrs nobeer sharing STW on a cold and dark evening has brought a smile to my face.
Thank you Howard and Hilda. 😀

Can you smell burning?

‘Leeds’

Always said after dropping the wolf bait.

No idea why though.

Have you farted……….No!……..What, never?

Sand dunes.

It came about like this – I was mystefied when one day a few years ago I let out a satisfying rasper and my youngest said “Sand Dunes”
“What do you mean sand dunes?” I said.
“You know, like the song you had on in the car.”
“What Groove Armada? I don’t get it?”
“You know Dad, the song with the trumpet where the man says If you fart it’s sand dunes and salty air!”

Can’t fart in our house without saying “sand dunes” ever since (or hear Groove Armadas At the River and keep a straight face)

Donald Duck is alive and well!
If it is particularly ripe I will add that Donald Duck is stinking!
PJ.

“Listen to this, Too good to miss, dada, dada, dah DAH! ….. <parp>”

It’s all in the timing but please be aware forcing the output can cause unintended consequences.

“Sorry, I’ve just coughed in my rompers”

I don’t have one standard line but my (male) mate normally uses “just queefed” 😆

“have you just farted?”
“of course I have do you think I normaly smell like this?”

Oooooo may have to do the finger dip test…

My 5 year olds latest gag.
Knock knock
Whos there
Stan
Stan who
Stand well back I’m going to fart.

I think it may be Horrid Henry.

More tea vicar?

Savour the flavour! Which is what I said to my brothers when we were young. Enforsed smelling of each others toxic gasses was a large part of our childhood.

My little girl asks… where’s that duck?

But the lad has just turned two and I might have to use some of the others above… Badger is a classic, long forgotten by me.

These are important considerations, I will think long and hard… I want him to get the best start in life now, don’t I ?

Knock Knock
Who is there?
I dun up.
…..

Dude, pull my finger…

when we were kids my brother used to ‘waft’ the essence towards me with a hand whilst saying ‘Smell the Beauty’ – stuck around in the family forever and now I occasionlly say it to the Wife unless she trumps me and says ‘No I will not smell the beauty’ just after I’ve farted.

I like it that you used the word trumps on a farting thread but in it’s other context.

If you fart in our house our 18 month old will try to pull down the back of your trousers to check that you haven’t pooed youself and need a new nappy. All while saying poo repeatedly with the same internation as Vic and Bob summoning a dove from above.

Friend of a friend used to say “whoops, I’d better go check that one.”

Grimly, he used to carry a spare pair of underpants with him for when the test results came back positive.

(Personally, I favour the motto of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation)

“that’s right, get out and WALK!”

Taste
My
WASTE!

“Nurse? Fetch the wipes!”

“Damn, I thought I might get away with that”

My, the burping toads are out early this year (courtesy of MartynS)

Druidh and Fadda had me sniggering

An Australian friend of mine introduced me to a different species when I lived in Canada a few years ago.

The Rocky Mountain Barking Spider!!!

Tiny little buggers. Very hard to see, but have got very large mouths.

Unfortunately a couple must have climbed in my bag when I came back to the UK as we’ve now got what can only be called an infestation of Yorkshire Barking Spiders around my house now!!! Seem to multiply after the wife’s cooked sprouts for some reason…

“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant”

Am loving the erudite nature of this thread. Needless to say, Mrs H-H is not impressed

i look behind me and say ‘ive stood on a duck’
to which my 6yr old once replied ‘that ducks got bad breath’
quite witty i thought.

Ninja farts FTW!

Better out and shame yourself
than
keep it in and lame yourself