Been riding a lot of late, and don’t use a chamois cream. My backside is now protesting – what should I be using? Ideally something easy to apply, so not too thick or greasy.

Thank you.

I’ve been very happily using Assos Minty Arse Lard for a few years now. Not the cheapest, but my posterior prefers it to anything else I’ve tried.

Germolene with local anaesthetic as a preventative measure, which works for me.

Another fan of Minty Arse Lard here. It’s the minty fresh tingle that does it for me.

I found Buttonhole from Planet X to be very like Assos but cheaper. However thats not so since the put delivery costs on top.

Now I’m on the Muc Off which is £14 for 240ml – 100ml more than Assos – and I like it a lot. Staying power, smooth and a “fresh” manly smell.

Charlie the Bikemonger’s Happy Bottom Bum Butter.

Yes. Really.

Staying power, smooth and a “fresh” manly smell.

I don’t get it, what does it prevent?

I just buy anything that seems appropriate and not stupidly priced. You’re not applying fake tan. Takes all of about 3 seconds to slap it on…

If you’ve used something like Vaseline (which I dare say many would have done as their first port of call), then chamois cream is generally not like that. More like a thick moisturiser…

I don’t get it, what does it prevent?

Personally I don’t really bother for anything less than 50 miles. But if you’re doing big road rides and spending 10 hours in the saddle, then it’s not unusual to return a bit sore due to the friction… And that in itself could lead to all kinds of infections.

This stuff is really good.

http://www.bristolbuttr.co.uk/

Ovelle Aqueous Cream does it for me. I just use it for long rides or where I’m riding several days in a row. Was about £2.50 for a big pot from Sainsbury’s, Boots, etc. that lasts for ages. Not greasy, but has a bit of a tingle when you first apply it.

It stops soreness and chafing for those in doubt.

I don’t get it, what does it prevent?

Well apart from a sore arse & farm dogs sniffin me bum, nothing, but that’ll do for me thanks. 🙂

Prevents farm arse and sore dogs*.

*Allegedly.

Assos for me although lately been using Cetraben

Charlie’s happy bottom butter got me through 75 hours or riding out of 101 hours of race time during the HT550 and relentless last year.

Happy days. And happy bottoms.

I don’t get it, what does it prevent?

Friction, which leads to chafing, which leads to pain and bleeding (been there), which leads to infection.

So basically death.

Screwfix used to do it but seem to have stopped now sadly. I actually use it on my hands too to combat dry skin flare ups.

People will look at you strangely but meh….

Assos or underlying smooth, the dhb cream is too thin

Dayleave doublebase is if you can get it too

Castelli linea dry cream… Could never go back to the squidgy feel of other lesser creams now…

Guys you really need to try this. It’s 100% natural, antiseptic and anaesthetic, made in the UK, and has a great big arse heart on the label. We even have arse heart air fresheners.

Happy Bottom Bum Butter

And now it gets better. FREE BUM BUTTER… email me on mail at charlie the bikemonger .com with your address and I will send you a “knob” of butter. They normally go for £3.50… but I can’t have you guys using all that claggy chemical crap on your bum. You need to make sure the email title is “I want knob”.

I use Paceline Chamois buttr. I’ve found some too thin and don’t last on longer hotter rides*. I like the tinglyness of the euro style.

*Not a fan of udderly smooth.

I was going to try Charlies’s bum butter next jst because there isn’t much difference in price between various products and I’d like to support his business, been helpful in the past and a real supporter of biking, not just a commercial operation.

^^Free advertising! Get your free advertising here! Special offer – now with added tags for MOAR free advertising!^^

😉

Thanks jonba. Times are getting tougher in the bike shop world, so it enheartening to have customers and friends like you. Cheers.

Another vote for Assos for most of the time.
If its going to be a particularly long or wet ride then Morgans Blue Solid

Just for the record I posted that before I saw the free offer!

Better shorts. And germoline for any infections. I have aessos, but seldom remember to use it!

Assos
Muc Off CC
Bristol Butt’r

Have all been good for me

I went through a bad bout of saddle sores last year – the infected hair follicle type – not just chaffing. Turned out it was a combination of the shorts I was using, the washing powder, and using “chamois” creams.

Now I wash my shorts every single time I use them in Boots sensitive non-bio powder, and generally keep things clean down there with as little harsh products as possible (Simple face-wash is great). The *only* chamois cream I don’t have a reaction to (and I’ve tried pretty much everything on the market) is Bodyglide Cycle. Bepanthen after a long spin helps sooth any chaffing that does happen.

In my experience using antiseptic/antibacterial/antimicrobial products long-term (clothes, creams, body washes, clothes washing products), is counter productive as it throws the natural flora out of whack.

Bristol Butt’r

Assos here – makes a big difference on longer rides..

Palmers butter for me, does that job and feels lovely when being applied.

Right, start me at teh beginning here.

Where do you put this stuff? What does it do?

Is it an acquired taste? Do you get used to it ?

Do you use it for every ride, road and mountain, or just long road rides?

Can’t imagine anything worse than squidging round on some kind of grease feeling like you’ve shat yourself.

So everything I’ve heard about roadies is true!
You butter up your behind with this stuff then you spend a couple of hours together all in a row where you all take turns at the front and you call it a chaingang.
Occasionally you stop for cake and then continue.

Where do you put this stuff? What does it do?

Goes directly on your arse or the chamois. It stops chaffing and what is effively nappy rash.

Is it an acquired taste? Do you get used to it ?

Minty stuff is an acquired taste. You do get used to it. It feels wierd at first but then you stop noticing it.

Do you use it for every ride, road and mountain, or just long road rides?

I use it on wet rides, hot rides and long rides regardless of bike choice. It is often less important on the mtb as you tend to stand up and change position more so you get better ventilation. Some people find they don’t need it, if you’ve never had chaffing issues then I wouldn’t bother. For me it improved comfort massively on long rides where I’m spending 5-6 hours in the saddle (not the cafe). On really long stuff it is invaluable – wouldn’t have finished my 700km ride last year without a large tube of the stuff.

Another one for Assos here. The main downside is the minty waft every time I go for a pee, I don’t want the other peeps at the unrinal thinking that I’ve been using a feminine hygiene product!

Personally I don’t really bother for anything less than 50 miles

This for me too. I like assoss but will try buttering charlies bum Charlie’s bum butter.

Thanks for the primer, Jonba.

I have a multi-day long distance road ride coming up in May. Will be doing longer distances every day for two weeks than I’ve ever done on one day before. I guess I better give some variety of this a bash before then to get my scrottom acclimatised.

The thought of it grosses me out, though. 🙁

I preferred the old creamy Assos minty arse lard to the new white thicker version. Going to try Charlies Bum Butter next.

Now I wash my shorts every single time I use them

😯

Definitely wash. Washing = good. Bacteria = bad.