Colleagues and I have just been sent a Christmas message from the big boss. It includes cheery seasonal phrases such as:

“[we are] optimizing the key Strategic Enablers required to establish the platform for transformation”

“[we have] the ambition to succeed as a challenger brand”

Now, what the hell are strategic enablers? and why is it capitalised?

Booze, bullsh*t and bribes?

Ensure you leverage the paradigm to realign and conform your dynamic potential against the big market challenges in the coming time period.

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Try to remember what we did to make this company a success and start doing it better than the competitors next year

Did you forget to ringfence your unicorn?

Optimise key strategic enablers to establish a platform for transformation

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There are some nasty changes coming up so we are going to invest in the bits that will help the changes

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If you haven’t heard about the plans expansion in your department next year then your probably screwed

Challenger brand

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Not doing great at the moment but hopefully the market leaders will leave us some crumb

ringfence your unicorn

So 2012 CFH, keep up

Heres a snippet from our Exec VP’s year end message to all
“The natural evolution of our ******** ****** Challenge is to move from capturing low-hanging fruit to accelerating our cash-conversion cycle through a focused reduction in working capital.”

The 11 lads being given the boot next week from this site & the other 30 going from two other sites must feel really enthused to be called “low hanging fruit”!!

The phrase “going forward” was also tacked on to a few lines :/

Oh and Dilbert must have worked for our firm at some time as his work is like a mirror here