Just got home from my parents house, they’re doing up the kitchen and my dad asked for a hand with boshing a big hole through the wall for an extractor…
Arrived to find the most disorganised mess of a worksite you could imagine, my dad in the middle of it all struggling to comprehend how he was going to complete the project.
Nice shiny new base unit carcasses had already been installed straight below the site where we needed to run a 5″ core drill, without having cut in access openings in the rear panels for the hob supply. It had apparently taken him the best part of two days to assemble and fit four carcasses.

As an ex-ChemENG who was of the generation that just got on and did it, he was the man who taught me carpentry, joinery, plumbing, brick laying, electrical skills and a whole host of other invaluable practical skills. Now though at 70, although the body is still willing, it seems the mind may not be what it once was.

To make matters worse, due to colleagues illness and holidays, I can’t even book a couple of days leave to assist him and I’m halfway through a project at my partners house and have been working evenings at hers.
My mum bless her has the patience of a saint and is managing to keep them both fed and watered with a makeshift kitchen in the dining room!

I think I’ve managed to leave him with a plan that will keep him amused without challenging him too much or working himself into a corner until Saturday, which was planned for completing the project at my partners place but now has been rescheduled to help my dad get the job progressed.

I hadn’t noticed before how old my old man had got… 🙁

Could be worse, I was changing a catheter bag for my dad this p.m, first time for both of us, depressing and humbling 😥

Scary is’nt it, my mum died 2 years ago while living with me age 80 and i now have my old man alone at 81.

I think I love him more now than I ever did as a kid, as they say here Bonne courrage

they need you now it’s payback time.

Can see it happening with both our sets of parents, but we should be grateful we still have all four. To be fair, both sets now have the time and money to get people in to do work for them and have stopped doing any large “projects” themselves

MiL had a funny turn and ended up in hospital a couple of weeks ago, first time she’s been “ill” like that in 78 years, and it’s really rattled her.

I’ll never have that problem with my dad, he’s always been useless at stuff like that, can’t get any worse. But it was tough with my grandad, he was a genius with his hands, he could make anything and grow anything, it was just who he was so hard for him when he couldn’t do things and kind of hard for us that were used to having a genius around. It’s hard to remember what a blessing things were, when they go, it just feels like loss. TBH it sounds like your old man is still waaaay ahead of the curve though?

Tell your partner to wait til weekend and go and help your dad,
Kilo = respect to you..

Only 70 and lost the plot ? has he alzeimers ?

My mum recently had a brain hemorrhage at 70. My dad, who has always seemed unshakable to me, didn’t cope with the details and organisation very well. It was a honour and a privilege to be able to help him through it. Mum was discharged and came home on Sunday. I picked her up with dad and brought them home. It was a beautiful day and mum just wanted a nice cup of tea and a sit in the garden. Was lovely leaving them sitting there like a pair of loved up teenagers.

They’ve always been there for me. My turn now.

70 does seem a little young to be getting a bit confused, but everyone’s different.

If your Dad is anything like mine, he’s going to keep on trying to do stuff same as always. My advice would be to just keep on “helping out” without completely taking over – eventually he’ll step back. You might need to help your Mum for some things as well. She’s going to have to start doing a load of things that your Dad always took care of. Good on you for stepping up when your parents need you.

Only tonight my mum has been taken in an ambulance to hospital. She’s only bloody 60 but far too highly **** strung. Sitting awaiting news…

Heartbreaking thread. Having recently lost my dad and a few years back nearly lost my mum my thoughts are with you all, but I’ve nothing constructive to add.

Edric64 – you need to do some work on your bedside manner.

I envy you OP. My dad died 10 years ago at the age of 63.

I hadn’t noticed before how old my old man had got…

Just got back from visiting my folks, think I’m going to just bury my head in the sand for a while longer.

Good to share a couple of beers with them while I can, but I’m starting to get scared tbh.

I hadn’t noticed before how old my old man had got…

Same here 😐
Mum suffered a post op stroke/dementia. Dad looked after her at home for best part of 10yrs before his health deteriorated so much Mum had to go into a home. She passed away within 9mths and Dad has never recovered nearly 3yrs on. In his own words he is “knackered or fuckd” …… He recently spent 3wks in hospital till they got his lungs working again, he is on oxygen and has various other ailments. Just after Mum passed away he was rushed into hospital having lost a lot of weight and found by his neighbour unconscious on the floor. He was initially diagnosed with a cancerous tumour which turned out to be a herniated osophegous and the cause of the weight loss not grieving for Mum as was initially thought! He is 85, tough as old boots and I am spending as much time as I can with him. Sister is 70mls away, brother and him had a bit of a fall out years ago…… That’s families……

I noticed my Dad got old about 10 years ago (76 years old), when he couldn’t lift the bricks to help me build a wall. They were big bricks. He was the one everyone went to to get help on any project.
We got him home on Monday after 4 weeks in hospital for a fall, bent over and couldn’t get back up. He’s now bedridden. Picked up various infections while there. Now 86.
The Dr’s been today and said “It will be days rather than weeks”.

I still can’t mix my plaster right, hang wallpaper straight the first time, sort the dripping tap out. Colleges need to run a “lost your Dad” course.

He’s the last of his generation in our family and I’ve proudly changed his nappy this evening and hope to for weeks rather than days.

Dads are awesome.

Could be worse, I was changing a catheter bag for my dad this p.m, first time for both of us, depressing and humbling

Same here. Did all that for my dad after he found out he couldn’t get to the loo in time cos of Parkinsons which stopped his legs working. I had to wipe his bum sometimes as well but we joked about it & he would say, ‘ha, got my own back now son’! Daft as a ships cat my dad was.

I did my first house up with my grandad’s instruction.literally sat on a stool next to me whilst I hammered &sawed etc…
He was 70 at the time&was unable to do anything physical. He taught me loads.
I’ll never forget the day he broke down(unheard of) and expressed his frustration at his ageing body.

Another moving thread on here. Thanks for sharing as it reminds me of what I have lossed, what I am still lucky enough to have and how in many ways I’ve been blessed.

Thinking of all of you.

Cougar – Moderator
Heartbreaking thread. Having recently lost my dad and a few years back nearly lost my mum my thoughts are with you all, but I’ve nothing constructive to add.

Ditto pretty much all of this. 🙁

This thread brings tears to my eyes. I lost my Dad when I was 13, he was 49, heart attack. I would give anything to have had him for another month never mind till old age.

All the best you you all and your Mums and Dads.

Edric 64 – Member
Only 70 and lost the plot ? has he alzeimers ?
POSTED 2 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST

Take a look at yourself before spouting shite like that. My mum was that age when she was trying to flush whole towels down the toilet thinking they were sheets of toilet paper. Just months earlier she was a primary carer for my two little girls.

Age hits everyone differently, don’t try to be an amateur professional.

My old man is 65 one of the most capable people I’ve had the pleasure to know. Electronic engineer by trade, had equipment designed and built by him used in the space shuttle. Does everything himself never relies on anybody. Built his own heat pump to aid the central heating. Built his own water powered generator the list goes on. He’s slowing down a bit nowadays but I caught him on the ridge on the roof relaying the tiles and doing a bit of lead flashing with a bit of rope tied round his waste tied to the chimney stack! Thanks to him I can plumb do wiring rebuild a car engine and gearbox, weld the list goes on.
Thanks Dad.

Strikes me now is the time to sack off the real world responsibilities if you possibly can

I’m certain he will appreciate the help, your help will surely help stave off any potential frustration with not being able to do things he used to do, and most of all you get to do the job together.

If this becomes his last real “project”, do you want to have missed out on an opportunity to be involved?

No one ever wished they had spent more time at work.

My Dad turns 70 tomorrow. He’s another engineer – been in charge of the weapons systems on aircraft carriers, built at least four cars, three extensions, and a couple of kids’ bikes from the tip. But he’s slower and more vague now. We put in a patio this summer (terrace according to my mum) and he wasn’t wielding the sledgehammer with such care as I’d like. I’m lucky in that I now live close by but it comes to something when a soft arts grad like me needs to watch out for someone as capable as him. No one teaches you about this stuff, do they?

No one teaches you about this stuff, do they?

The thing is, I think they do. Quietly, patiently and steadily – they give you the lesson in the way they live.

Mum and dad both 83, but apart. Both starting to get memory issues I think.

Mum getting more awkward, less likeable and less tolerant. Difficult to be around.

Dad more humble and less up himself. And just found out he gets called on to do segments on a local radio show. Can’t be that demented yet…

I wish I had a positive tale of parents handing life changing knowledge or experiences onto me, to tell here. I’m not sure I do. Feel I’m missing out there. Some moving stories here.

You always think your parents are going to be around for ever. They won’t be.
Lost my dad 14 years ago, he was 56 and I was 30. He would have been 71 tomorrow…
Make the most of your time here.

^ agreed (other than the troll 🙄 )

Help him out, lerk – maybe get him to talk you through how to do it, to keep him feeling like he has some ownership of it all and get him thinking a bit

(mine are 87 and 93 – time’s coming)

My dad is 81, back in the day a pugilist who let his fists do all the talking. As a kid, I thought it entirely normal that a Sunday drive would end with your Dad getting out of the car to thump seven bells out of another motorist…

…Dad used to design bits of nuclear bombers, fighter planes and all sorts. But sooner or later he had to admit that he couldn’t solve his problems by smacking them on the nose.

All I hope for in my old age is wisdom and humility.

Another aspect of this is that when your “once thought of as invincible” parents start suffering ill health, you start to think about your own mortality. It’s pretty scary for you and them.
OP, don’t feel guilty about spending quality time with your Dad, even it just helping him do stuff. Life is short.

My Dad is awesome, 64 years old but 40 years of playing semi-pro football have taken their toll, 1 total knee replacement, 1 due soon. No longer does he run around after me, he’s now slower and needs to sit down ever 20 minutes, very sad to see. He’s now faffs more than ever, nothing is ever simple, this causes all kinds of frustration but I guess that’s just him.

However, the wonderful way he treats my niece is basically the only reason I will ever consider having kids, she absolutely adores him and he treats her, like she did me and my brother before, like the centre of the universe, the happiness they give to each other is something to behold.

🙁
At bedtime lastnight our eldest (6) was telling me about his friend at school who had to go see her grandma who was dying. Got me thinking, fortunately my parents are ok at the moment but it provoked some serious/depressing thoughts about their and my own mortality.

Getting old sucks

My dad died 4 years ago, he was only 55 🙁
We’ve just had our first child two weeks ago, a little boy, and I’m often saddened when I look at him that he wont get to meet his Grandad.
I’ve never given much thought to what parents go through and I’m only really just beginning to understand the whole thing, but it gives me a new appreciation for my folks and in many ways I feel closer to dad than I have done before, but the old guy isn’t there for me to share it with him 🙁

Yes, it’s sad seeing your parents (and in-laws) decline, but OTOH makes me grateful that they’ve lasted so long. It promises to be a rather sad decade ahead with all three remaining of ours unlikely to last that long. They’ve all had a decent innings and immortality was never that likely, so I’m quite phlegmatic about it – just hope it isn’t too horrible for any of them (or us) when their time comes. That’s life – or rather, death.

We’ve just had our first child two weeks ago, a little boy, and I’m often saddened when I look at him that he wont get to meet his Grandad.

Yep – we had just told my parents the happy news that we were pregnant with twins when a week or so later my dad died. My mum died a few weeks after our girls 2nd birthday so although she got to spend time with them, they don’t really remember her.

Still, we take them down to the cemetery a few times each year so they don’t forget they have more than one set of grand parents.

My dad is 81, back in the day a pugilist who let his fists do all the talking. As a kid, I thought it entirely normal that a Sunday drive would end with your Dad getting out of the car to thump seven bells out of another motorist…

Ahead of his time!
He’d be famous these days…

Life is so bittersweet, isn’t it – so sorry to read the sad tales on here, really is a reminder not to take things for granted, to make the most of what we have.

Similar to report, though my dad was shite at DIY so I’m self taught. Shite but game, similar to my riding and perhaps not an ideal combination…

My most outstanding achievement ever from my mother’s perspective was, as a teenager, installing dimmer switches in the kitchen. Hey ho.

To be fair as head of a major uni school of management, my dad could afford proper tradesmen. Then, in his late 70s after my mother had died, and in the face of my incredulity, he started buying carbon credits. Let’s say enough for a really quite nice car (by on here standards) I later discovered. Classic target for boiler room scammers. We still can’t discuss this…

Look after yourselves too folks.

Caring for your family can be incredibly stressful.
Get as much external help as you can.
Take a break – it’ll help everyone.

Love to all.

My dad has been gone far longer than I knew him for. Last night I patiently listened to my mum ramble on for about 25 mins on the phone about her new sofa, sore leg, my cousins’ biopsy and arrangements for the weekend, and explained all my brothers jokes on What’s App. Was quite proud of her as a 78 she’d moved her new furniture round, disconnected the TV, Virgin box, DVD player and WiFi and successfully reconnected them. All because she fancied using an old coffee table for the TV stand than the current one.