I heard one this morning that really tickled me.

One of our mechanical design engineers was bemoaning the lack of dimensions on a drawing that had been sent to him and said “this drawing’s about as much use as Anne Frank’s drum kit”

Ho ho.

Come on – let’s have ’em.

“a flounce on stw”

I went through a phase of doing these when I was about 16, got quite good at it. Then I realised it was about as much use as a BMW 335d on a UK road.

a few old ones

tits on a kipper
handbrake on a canoe
ashtray on a motorbike

chocolate teapot

Pork pie at a bar mitzvah (sic)

dissolving Durex

chocolate fireguard

Condem Coalition government?

Knobblies on yer road bike

fart in a colander.

As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition
As much use as tits on a fish

a singletracker on a mountain bike…

..trying to get helpful, friendly advice on STW 😛

. . . wingmirrors on a Submarine

. . . back pocket in a bra

I heard “an inflatable George Osborne” which did make me smile. Insert your own politician name here of course.

an inflatable dartboard?

..a c*ck flavoured lollypop

about as much use as Anne Frank’s drum kit

That’s a good ‘un, but if I used it too freely at work then the over sensitive Public Sector thought police would have me up on a disciplinary for extreme anti-semitism in the workplace.

…as telling TJ he’s wrong.
…as asking Elf about football.
…as asking psychlo about the Ashes.

….a geiger counter switched to mute.

…Stevie Wonder’s sunglasses

…an allotment in Chernobyl.

…inverted braille.