OK, picture the scene. Widow on stealth weapon descending quickly on tarmac into pretty little chalkstream hamlet. Three wally's - early 20's, tight white t-shirts, I'm so cool - strutting in road 3 abreast and made no attempt to let me through/move aside.
One then had the audacity to make a smart-ar$e comment, I duly replied. Probably not what he wanted to hear.
So ... I came very close to riding into one of them. Could have been painful ... for him.
What would you have done?
Don't run into people who are clearly visible?
You bluddy cyclists think you own the road.
As close as you can get to them and at full chat. Sh!t'em right up. Soon cures the hard man image thing.
Flash 'em your tats and let them know you mean business ?
They weren't Wally he wears a red and white stripy jumper with a matching bobble hat.
Look there he is, behind the telephone box.
If you really have to run folk down in the road, dont, whatever you do, do it on a bike, do it in a car.
That way you just say "oh!, there was nothing I could do, I didn't see them" and you'll get away with it 
Tricky. No point causing an accident and I suspect some loons would give you some aggro (to a male at least) or more - in fact I was assaulted recently in similar circumstances.
Well, it wasn't obvious I was a woman. No Kylie shorts for me today, just head-to-toe black with full body cover.
I could have been a bloke, I could have decked them. Apparently mountain bikers have been known to thump people.
Jeez, they were no hard men. Probably couldn't get the skin off a rice pudding. 
you were riding a mountain bike on the road
Thanks for replies, it's good to have a chuckle.
OK, I'll 'fess up. I was in the zone, heading for some fun singletrack. 
My language was shocking. 
Tricky. No point causing an accident and I suspect some loons would give you some aggro (to a male at least) or more - in fact I was assaulted recently in similar circumstances.Was that in Edinburgh Al? Whereabouts?
Maybe start sprinting out the saddle toward them?
Jocks Lofge Garry. Actually a few years ago and nothing serious just a few stitches...
Don't know that area too well. I got done on the North Edinburgh cycle path a while back, through Drylaw. Got away without anything serious happening. There's some Neds about, for sure.
Shout 'DING DING' and then aim full pelt at the middle one! If you're good with your feet you could take out the other two on the way past.
Aye have heard of a few there. I avoid cyclepaths...no escape routes
Captive bolt gun. Have you seen 'No Country For Old Men'?
Sounds like all 4 egos involved need to be brought down a peg or two
If you drive a big foot 4x4 then just squash them like pate. 
Another Sunday, another walkers are w@nkers post. Except of course for the 2 scottish ladies who held the gate open for me going up vomit hill yesterday and engaged in some good banter as I was struggling along.
They thought they were being "clever/cool" by continuing to amble in the road thereby making it awkward for me to get through. As mentioned, I had been descending at speed and was looking forward to some singletrack.
It could have been nasty ...
Penrod Pooch - there were 3 of them so 3 egos.
woosh
cynic-al - MemberAye have heard of a few there. I avoid cyclepaths...no escape routes
Grow a pair FFS - I use them all the time and no troubles. North edinburgh cycle path is fine
Widow on stealth weapon
You are solipsistically romanticising yourself
You are not a widow
Your bicycle is not a stealth weapon
You are a person wearing black clothes riding a bicycle
And you have to share public roads, bridleays and byways with other people
"I'm coming through!" seems to work well. People who don't move get hurt, they learn quite quickly I've found.
You are a person wearing black clothes riding a bicycle
Yeah..........who just happens to look like The Black Widow on her stealth weapon.
I don't see the need for the "you are solipsistically romanticising" bollox
Mind you, I'm not sure about the "I could have been a bloke" comment
........I've never seen a geezer with hair like C_G 
Have you had it cut ?
get over yourself, use yer brakes, carry on. no big deal is it?
What "Black Widow" on what "Stealth Weapon"? Is this some Vin Diesel-style low budget sci-fi I've somehow missed? Or some NightWish Scandinavian Norse-rock bollox that no-one has heard of?
Solipsistic means assuming your are the only person who matters in the world
Romanticising means making yourself sound more important than you are
Calling some bird on a bike wearing black clothes who wants other people to get out of her way a "widow on a stealth weapon" is true bollx
OK agreed.............The Widow Maker out on her stealth weapon, would probably have sounded better.
eldridge - have we met? You have summed me up beautifully except ... my habit of self-deprecation.
Gus - yep, still have the untamed hair and, no, it's not been cut.
I can only dream of being a riding goddess.
people are dick-heads shocker
I would have just screamed, clicked into top gear, got out of the saddle and gunned it - AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But then I'm big and ugly and do this on a regualr basis anyway. 
Not much you can do really apart from move over, winds me up to. Was on the road bike Saturday and people 3 abreast coming towards me didn't move so I had the option of braking or moving to the wrong side of the road approaching a blind bend. I chose the latter in the knowledge I'd have haunted the f**kers if a car had squished me. To be fair most of the others I met in similar circumstances made a token effort to move over, some even smiled.
Just shout no brakes, never fails!
J
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