Just opening up a corridor down the side of my garage. As I started lifting decades of discarded plastic sheets, rotten fencing etc., I noticed a preponderance of bees. Upon lifting one particularly stubborn sheet of ply, I suddenly found myself be(e)set on all sides by bees.

Having withdrawn to a safe distance, I tried a couple of paintball smoke grenades – this seemed to just piss them off – they certainly didn’t leave.

So, do I go in with the scorched earth policy (hard as there’s a wooden fence on one side) or call in an expert? What would an expert do anyway?

EDIT: I do feel sorry for the bees, and am aware that they’re having a hard time of it in general, but I’m not sorry enough to abandon my plans….

Nuke the entire hive from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Find a local beekeeper to cone and collect them

Be a shame to kill the hive

I’d contant a local bee keeper, who’d would be more than happy to relocate them for you. If its a trully wild colony, then its a rare thing to come across.

Hmmmm. Food for thought. There used to be an old bloke further up the street who kept bees – was before we lived here but the neighbour thinks it might be his bees. Would they really stay together / reproduce for that long (he’s been dead 10 years…).

Off to Google for a local beekeeper then, but I can’t say I’m very hopeful.

Where are you?

Bees are great call a beekeeper and they will be happy to collect them I’m sure.

Just had a chat with a chap from BeeBase, followed by another chat with someone from the British Beekeepers Association. It seems that; a) they’re bumble bees
b) they (their nest) can’t be moved or they’ll likely die
and c) if I can live with them ’til the end of the Summer, they’ll all die off, at which point it’s fine to block off / get rid of the nest.

So I reckon I’ll just stick a wooden walkway of some kind over the top of all the rubbish and wait for the cold weather.

Thanks for the tips – oh, and I’m in Co Durham.

Yeah we get them in our compost bin most years, all they do is good so if you can leave them for the summer thats best.

Well they don’t seem to be interested in stinging me but the dogs aren’t very happy about being near them… It’s a bit of a pain TBH as I’ve just permanently locked down the garage door and spent a good few hours hanging a new garden gate to give access out the back of the house – looks like this;

The corridor down the left is all clear of greenery now, but there’s piles of masonary, fencing etc underfoot, which is where the bees have set up shop.

EDIT: laugh it up – I made the gate myself out of old fencing 😀

Also, the Internet now knows where you keep your bikes.

Guy keeps bikes in garage shocker!! Who’dathunkit?! 😀

Anyway, any thieves will now get stung to death (training in progress).

Add to that the fact that the upandover door will now never move again (bolted top and bottom with huge expanding bolts in concrete at the bottom) and the fact that the bikes are locked to two separate floor anchors (more expanding bolts) with a huge Squire motorbike chain and several kryptonite U locks, and it will hopefully put tea-leaves off!

Set up a video, stick your d1ck in there and claim £250 off Harry Hill

And now the Internet knows what anti-theft devices they’ll be facing and can come appropriately tooled up.

any thieves will now get stung to death

Gotta say, as novel anti-theft devices go, it’s one of the better ones.

If the internet comes round my house to nick my bikes, I’m gonna stab it to death with a rusty screwdriver!!111!!