I've been separated from my wife for over 3 years now, usual arrangements apply, i get them every other weekend and once during the week.

Got them tonight and asked my 6 yr old girl if she was happy, she replied yes, so i asked her what makes her sad, she said sometimes her brothers annoy her, so what makes you laugh i say, "you do daddy", bless i thought, surely your mum does too….." no never!"

I asked her brothers the same and they both agreed saying all she does is either, work, facebook, talk or txt on the phone and shout at them….

Now i don't believe she does this intentionally but is there a tactful way of encouraging her to make the most of them like i do?

Anyone else have experiences like this?

my 12 yr old daughter call's me big fat lad………. 😆
i call here little fat kid…………. 😆

if you do not have a good relationship with her and feel you cannot just say it as you have on hear then I would say nothing. sad though

also, your time may seem more precious with them, with not seeing them has much.
your wife has them a load more and may need to let off a bit of tension, and doing the things the kids say may be her outlet.
imagine if you had then the lions share. kid's are very hard work.

No family here 🙁

Life getting on top of her perhaps? You got three great kids right? To me it seems a lot to juggle work, personal life and 9/14 days parenting 3 kids.

Guys, her mum has them more than she does….myself and her mum are the only ones who give them proper cooked meals, she'll do them something on toast, fries and nuggets, really any veg, etc…

Also when her Married BF comes round they just drink and tell them to go get them another when the bottles are empty…..I appreciate seeing things through the eyes of kids can be alot different than perhaps they really are, but it's still upsetting to hear and i feel helpless to do anything to err help..

sharki, just make sure your time with them is good.
and maybe offer to have them over more.
she sounds like she would like to dump them off so to have more time to her self.

Oh dear. I can understand your concerns.

I've been hit hard by the recession and right now haven't the means or abode to have them more, certainly been going through my head more and more, can't see she'd be happy losing the fortune of benefits she gets right now…..

And meanwhile i get it in the ear when i take them out to do fun things, with her thinking i'm doing it to make her look bad.

In truth i'm just a big kid and relate to them better.

In truth i'm just a big kid and relate to them better.

amen brother……….. 😆

Dad you look 50….. 😯

FFS I'm only 44

lol

I once heard these few

"get off mummy" (in an early morning moment – my mate was a recent pull)

"your a sh*t dad, followed by a kick in the shin"

"kick in the shin, your not my real dad"

whether they're true or not I don't know, but made me laugh with horror that something like that could be said!

Sorry to hear about your situation bud, time for a chat with their mum I think. I'd be livid if I heard a child was asked "fetch me another" – ok once, and said politely, and certainly not 'drunk' (which differs from having had one or two)

all the best,
jt

her mum has them more than she does….myself and her mum are the only ones who give them proper cooked meals,

Whats the relationship with her mum like? can you say to her and offer to help more or something?

Got them tonight

Quality time with the kids on STW!! 😉

And yes I know they have gone to bed or something before you get all defensive.

Wife is feeding newborn and child no 1 "Daddy your boobs are nearly as big as mummies, why don't they make any milk?" I should point out that mummy has an ample d cup…

dmiller, was amicable but clearly signing over the house and dong what i can in terms on helping out with money isn't enough.

Her mum gets annoyed to, she's had words and so has her dad, but nothing seems to change….they're good, polite kids and brought up with high moral standards, are always dressed well and have the latest kids toys, but i fear love is one sided, i am afraid that one day they'll resent her and it'll appear to be my fault….

Tails, yes in bed like all 6, 9 and 11yr olds should be. 🙂

Her mum gets annoyed to, she's had words and so has her dad, but nothing seems to change

If her mum and dad have had words and nothings changed I would stay well out of it mate.

Just make sure you always big thier mum up (like if they say shes always busy with shopping say something like shes doing really well to always get nice food or something). If nothing else you can rest assured that any issues between them and thier mum you have done your best to make sure you helped where you can.

Your in a tough spot and good luck!

Sharki, Im in a similar position myself, although they kids havent criticised their mum. She doesnt do that much with them and when she does, its a nearly always with her friends and their kids. I do sympathise with her as she works fulltime and has the kids 5 days from 7.

Id take the kids every night if I could (as im sure you would), but as Im staying with my parents, its not possible. I've been seeing somebody else for about 8 months and she has done everything in her power to stop the kids meeting her. This in itself doesnt help the situation.

She has also put the kids in situations that she wouldnt have dreamed of before we split and when I commented on it, it was another major arguement. My advice would be keep an eye on the situation and if you'e worried, then mention it to her. Afterall, the kids wellbeing is the priority.

"I dont like daddy."

dmiller, i've said those exact things as she does provide and secure a roof over their heads and cloth them, etc….

When i was there, her shift patterns meant i'd do the cooking and a little cleaning, and keep the house/gardens in good condition, now it's in terrible condition which makes me realise how much i did do, despite being ridiculed about only having time to ride……

Gazza, yes indeed, very much the same, but can only really stand back and observe and spot for if they're being affected by any of it….

To anyone reading this post,I know sharki and I have seen him on the Q's a few times taking his kids out

He IS a fantastic father to his kids and you can see that they enjoy time together with there dad.

Shane mate you deserve the right to be called DAD

Just tread carefully

Thanks Andy, BTW, i've not seen my dad in year, fancy a job?

To qualify, you need the following..

be able to receive and give manly hugs,
provide advice as if from an elder
except pointing and laughing at your ability to wet yourself but disguise it by falling over in puddles/ stream crossings, etc….

Please apply to the same addy as my singleton one. which is

mtbsharki@yahoo.co.uk

Sharki – call me if you need to talk. I'm a single dad, who has the "lions share" as it was put earlier; and I think I've learnt a bit along the way. 18 y/o son and 7y/o daughter, both live with me. I've still got a lot to learn.

Shit

I think I may tick them requirements 😕

bugger 😮

genghispod, cheers, i've saved your addy.

Andy, aren't you lucky, DAD!

Yep, I was getting the same mate, never done anything and was always out on the bike. Nothing I done was was good enough. I took our oldest son up and down Scotland when he played pro youth football, arranged time off from work to make sure he made training. When I changed career to become a driving instructor, it got worse but il spare you the details.

I also helped run a local football team which my youngest son and a few friends kids played for, yet she will say i didnt spend much time with the kids.

I try and stay away from the house when I know she is in (house is still in both names) because the slightest thing sets it off and the kids dont need it. I only go to get my bike, collect the kids or to use my exercise bike and weights.

Got them tonight and asked my 6 yr old girl if she was happy, she replied yes, so i asked her what makes her sad, she said sometimes her brothers annoy her, so what makes you laugh i say, "you do daddy", bless i thought, surely your mum does too….." no never!"

I asked her brothers the same and they both agreed saying all she does is either, work, facebook, talk or txt on the phone and shout at them….

Substitute work and facebook for watch telly and play video games and I know how you feel. My boys (7 and 3) both prefer it here – they come every weekend, the eldest Fri-Sun and the youngest Sundays and some Saturday nights. We (missus and 2yr old daughter) had them from NYE to Sunday and their mum didn't get in touch once to see how they were (it was the longest the youngest had spent away from her) or to wish them Happy NEw Year which, sadly, typifies a lot of things at her end.

My missus and their mum get along okay – they've taken the youngest two to soft play together a couple of times so it's not as if it's an embittered and hateful split. I just can't stand how little proper attention and love they get from her and would dearly love for the boys to be here with us, getting all the interest and love they deserve. So I know how you feel sharki, it's like your guts are being pulled out whenever you think of them when they're not there.

My best response – that I can come up with – is to make sure that they get all the love, happiness and stimulation that you can give, and by the sounds of the posts above, you already do that.

Does she do all the cooking and cleaning etc? maybe she is over-worked?

I bet they would say the same about you if they lived with you…

Zaskar, as i've said elsewhere up there, the mum does no Proper meals and the house is a mess, whenever i go round to sit with them for a few hrs, there's never clean crockery, cutlery, the sides have dried food on them, milk gets left on the side to go off, the cupboards are mostly bare…they only have cheese sarnies unless with me….

They get up, get themselves ready for school, the eldest 11, does the lunch boxes, they get their own breakfasts and run her a bath.

The more i think about it and type it here, the more it hurts me wondering really how happy they are there..

Heathen, indeed and thanks

My bad, (She sounds sounds depressed?).

Makes you think how lucky we are when we were younger.

Is there no way you could offer to take them in for a while till she jumps back on her feet (if you live close by) or is that going to cause WW3?

I do not envy your kids or your mindset. Best not to worry as it gets you nowhere but what action can you/willing to take?

If you know her normal behaviour then something is seriously wrong and needs sorting asap.

Hope it all improves for you and your family.

Thankyou, i'm at present coming out of depression myself, my present abode is really unsuitable and income barely enough to support me….Once i have a stable existence myself, then i'll start to make things easier to progress should i need to have them with me alot more..

At the moment i'm doing all i can to not let them see what a state i truly am in, they're keeping me here, that and the kindness my friends and fellow riders show me.

Well least they have each other and working as a close team/siblings.

All the best Sharki.
Stay positive.

"daddy is a penis head" 😮

That's one I shan't forget, and she wisnae even four years old at that point!
We did laugh though; long and loud.