Based on an office conversation just now:

My mum used to tell me that tampons were ‘sweets for grown ups’.

God is real.

I Love you!

….just kidding

Cooking chocolate had to be cooked before you can eat it or itd make you sick ……..

I was about 25 before I discovered that wasn’t true…

there’s nothing interesting on the telly after the news, so you can go to bed now.

You’ll go blind

Father Christmas
Tooth Fairy
God (mom not dad)
Etc….

“We’re just having a fun wrestle on the bed”

You’ll never amount to anything.

It’ll all be ok.

God.

You have to remember to close your eyes when you die

You can be anything you want to be.

We will always be here.

We can’t afford it

(We can, it seems, afford to buy 80 fags every single day in life)

When the ice cream man plays music that’s to say he’s run out of ice cream .

Oh and I later found that my mother had gone to the shops not ” run away with a black man ”

perchypanther – Member
You’ll never amount to anything.

“You’ll amount to something”

🙁

Belly buttons were where the mid wife had tied a knot in your umbilical cord , if it came undone your insides could come out.

raisins are dead spider’s bodies with the legs chopped off

you were adopted

To my youngest sister during an argument “You’re adopted!” 😯

Belly buttons were where the mid wife had tied a knot in your umbilical cord , if it came undone your insides could come out.

That’s (almost) a Mike Harding line. “If you unscrewed your belly-button, would your bum fall off?”

“gone to see a man about a dog”.. so many times my brother and I thought we were getting a dog. Turns out it meant “it’s none of your business where they are”

“There’s no such thing as an accident, it’s always someone’s fault!”

My girlfriend is still surprised at how badly I freak out if I make a mistake in anything I do.

lol ‘run away with a blackman’ – my Dad used to say this when I asked where Mum is.
I said it once not thinking to my then 3yr old daughter, she repeated it back to me and I realised how utterly wrong it sounds and never said it again.
My contribution is ….

There’s an ice cream van at the end of this walk through the forest/up this hill.

I’ve got you, I’ve got you… from my dad when he was teaching me to ride a bike. Still falling off….

When the ice cream man plays music that’s to say he’s run out of ice cream .

That’s actually kind of a good one!

when asking if we could go to the cinema, sweet shop…the answer was always

“perhaps.” by which, of course, they meant No. why they felt the need to not say no, I never really understood.

We know best.
If the wind changes, you’ll stay like that.
Although we argue sometimes we still love each other.

When the ice cream man plays music that’s to say he’s run out of ice cream .

Are you Jason Manford’s brother 😉

We always wanted the like my grand mother’s cake mix bowl. We’d ask what cake it would be, she always replied wryly “Arsenic”

Fast forward to a round the class primary four quiz.

Teacher ” What is arsenic?”

My hand shot up…..red face followed

Nipping gives you cancer, ie if you nip your sister you’ll get cancer. (not nipping in the weegie sense, I know I’m in Ayrshire, but come on!, actual nipping with thumb and forefinger)

Mates granny used to tell him that if he didn’t brush his teeth he’d get AiDS.

“Cheese hums in the fridge at night”. Told to me by my mum at age five and still believed by me at age 17. She backed it up with some waffle about bacterial action which sounded plausible…

Actually I’m Jason Manford’s dad I like to mess with his head