Viewing 20 posts - 1 through 20 (of 20 total)
  • Unpaid leave – generous parents/first world dilema
  • cranberry
    Free Member

    I’m taking a month of unpaid leave next month to look after my parents around the time my dad is going into hospital for a major op – the op will be ~ 12 hours, with 2-3 weeks as an inpatient and some fairly intense care afterwards ( he’ll not be able to walk/will need to be fed by tube, etc. ).

    I’ve arranged the leave with work, my pension/healthcare will be paid, and splitting the leave over 2 calendar months will mean that my mortgage and bills will be covered, but that I’ll be eating into savings for day-to-day stuff and travelling back to the UK. My parents had offered to help out, but I had said that I could manage on my own as they are rather asset rich/income poor, whereas I have a reasonable salary, and can manage on missing out on 1/12th of my income over a year ( though the shiny things budget and my savings would suffer ).

    Today in a fait accompli, they’ve put half a month’s salary into my account – they weren’t going to mention it to me until after gone back home at the weekend, then worried that I might check my account and complain about Natwest putting money into my account for no good reason 🙂

    The dilema bit:

    I can manage without the cash, at a pinch, and it was my choice to come back and look after them.

    If I try to give them the cash back they’ll put up a fight and a half – I could foresee a battle of wills/ a game of paying in ping-pong.

    I’m a bit stunned that they have done this, knowing that I am in a better position, long term, to make up the cash.

    Do I accept the cash with good grace ? Give it back ? Use it for a holiday for myself later in the year ? Set it to one side and use it to buy things for them every so often ? Something else ?

    project
    Free Member

    Donate it to the local hospice or homeles charity,

    Edric64
    Free Member

    Firstly I hope your dad will be ok .I would keep hold of it until you are due to return home and if you have managed ok financially tell them so and offer it back then

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    boxfish
    Free Member

    Just leave it in the bank until you decide what to do with it. They obviously greatly appreciate your help. They’re just trying to reciprocate.

    scotroutes
    Full Member

    Accept it/use it. It can be a “pride” thing. I’m sure opportunities for “repaying” it will arise in due course, even if it’s lots of little things like meals out.

    matt_outandabout
    Full Member

    Save it. Maybe it can be used to pay them back, or head to a good cause at somepoint in the future. Clearly parents love you. Win.
    Hope your dad’s op goes well.

    lizzz
    Free Member

    I’d keep it… spend it on the kind of unexpected expenses that crop up while looking after them/ nice things to cheer up life for them when it’s all seeming a bit rubbish post-surgery.

    If your parents are anything like mine, giving it back wont work and you’ll just feel guilty and ungrateful in the inevitable argument.

    mattyd
    Free Member

    Spend it on trips to go home and visit them more often than you might otherwise. They will appreciate that more than any money or gift that you could give.

    deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    Yeah, probably right to keep it and make sure everything is as rosy as possible while you’re there (rather than doing everything on a budget as planned.) They’ll feel much better for helping out and there’ll be plenty of chances to return the favour in the future.

    Best of luck with the op for your dad.

    theotherjonv
    Full Member

    Or spend it on airline tickets / travel so they can come and visit you when he’s well again.

    cranberry
    Free Member

    Thanks for the kind thoughts, it has been a bit of a roller coaster month – my dad was told that there was nothing more that could be done in April and that it was a case of weeks/months, I came back to spend some quality time with him whilst I still could. The news that another hospital was happy to help him has been amazing.

    Lizzz – you put your finger on it precisely with the issue of trying to return the money.

    Theotherjonv – good idea, had planned to get them to come over and visit at some point, so the cash could be used for that, and maybe a trip away for the two of them when my dad is back up and running walking.

    For now, I’ll open a separate account and park the cash in there.

    Thanks all again for the kind thoughts and inspiration.

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    Do I accept the cash with good grace ?

    Take the cash no matter how old you are your parents still want to feel like you need them and it makes them happy to do this..well this is what I have learnt with mine

    br
    Free Member

    I’m confused as to why you need to even ask the question. Accept with good grace.

    johndoh
    Free Member

    It makes them feel more comfortable at your obvious efforts in helping them so, as said above, accept with good grace.

    maccruiskeen
    Full Member

    Do I accept the cash with good grace ? Give it back ?

    They gave it to you on the sly because they want to give it to you more than you want to receive it. I’d say take it with good grace and let them know that they didn’t have to but thanks. You’re still their little boy so them helping you out is the natural order of things. The time may come when you’ll be returning the favour and you’d probably do so in exactly the same way.

    mikewsmith
    Free Member

    They gave it to you on the sly because they want to give it to you more than you want to receive it.

    this, bank it and leave it. If they need help then offer to pay for something later down the line, or perhaps when your dad is better put it towards a holiday for them etc. Failing that save it for a rainy day.

    Northwind
    Full Member

    Spend it on hookers and blow.

    mikewsmith
    Free Member



    Party on!

    nealglover
    Free Member

    Take the cash no matter how old you are your parents still want to feel like you need them and it makes them happy to do this..

    Definitely this.

    However, once your dad is better, I’m sure a surprise gift of a pair of plane tickets for them to come and visit you would be much appreciated.

    NZCol
    Full Member

    ^ +1.

    There will be ample opportunities to help them out. My mum refuses any help. She always pays her own airfare to come and visit once or twice a year. She still hasn’t twigged that i upgrade her – every time she arrives she says “Its amazing , they put me in premium economy again!” I just nod and wow a lot – least i can do really. She also now has the run of a holiday home which is really a nice beach house she can live in !

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