- This topic has 112 replies, 54 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by jamj1974.
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Trust?
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johndohFree Member
Calling his wife basically says ‘I think you’re husband has hurt your child’
Or it says they only had the mother’s phone number?…..
squirrelkingFree MemberGraham are you a father?
The right thing for that mother to do would have been to approach Kryton and ask if everything is OK. Calling his wife basically says ‘I think you’re husband has hurt your child’.
I’m a father and quite honestly I think you’re way off. Not least because apart from you not knowing the full story I’m not even sure the OP does either.
yunkiFree MemberWe’re all having to make assumptions about the context of the call here.
Most people are being generous of spirit in their assumptions, but a handful take a rather more grim view of their community 🙁Do you have kids geetee? I’d always assumed that you were too young
Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition
Latest Singletrack VideosFresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...GrahamSFull MemberGraham are you a father?
Yes I am, of two young girls, and yes I’ve been in the OP’s shoes only worse:
http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/so-ive-been-reported-to-social-services
What saved me was taking a step back, taking a breath, and gaining some perspective.
The right thing for that mother to do would have been to approach Kryton and ask if everything is OK. Calling his wife basically says ‘I think you’re husband has hurt your child’.
I’d say that if someone was genuinely hurting a child then confronting them about it in public, while the child is there, might not the best way to go about it.
scotroutesFull MemberIf I saw a kid crying going into school I’d assume they’d been given some sort of telling-off by the parent. That’s all. If it happened regularly I might engage in a conversation about how kids are sometimes like this and share experiences. I’d not be assuming there was some kind of abuse going on that needed reporting to the other partner.
But that’s the issue here – we don’t know exactly what was said by the other parent and we don’t know exactly what was said by Mrs Kryton. I do think the OP has a bit of a right to be angry about it, though for me that would mainly be aimed at the Mrs for witholding information.
convertFull MemberYes I am, of two young girls, and yes I’ve been in the OP’s shoes only worse:
I did think maybe Geetee chose the wrong person to get sanctimonious to in these matters 🙂
I think Graham’s perspective is a wise one born of experience.
geetee1972Free MemberYes I am, of two young girls, and yes I’ve been in the OP’s shoes only worse:
Well I wasn’t being sanctimonious, genuinely interested. The answer makes a difference.
Wow and yes, not I think about it I remember that thread. I guess I find it more surprising then that you’re not more sympathetic to Kryton (and yes, there’s a lot face value here but I think that positively reflects an assumption in the general good nature of people, i.e. it’s highly unlikely that there is anything amiss here).
I might have misunderstood your position then; perhaps you are sympathetic towards Krtyon but the advice is still a very valid, try not to over react.
That said there are two issues here. One is what is the (Kryton’s) right response and two is, what do you think of the snitch? To which the valid answers are, one, don’t over react, take the moral high ground and two, sounds like she’s a nasty piece of work to make such a leap of judgement.
It’s hard being a dad in a world where dad’s are universally seen as second rate and less important and there is an underlying bias towards men with regards to their role as carers and parents (witness my own experiences of being immediately judged a pedophile while taking photographs at a fun fair). It’s also almost certainly why you got reported (the underlying bias I mean) and why the snitches first thought was ‘he must have done something bad to the child’.
I don’t believe for one moment that a world in which that is a person’s first thought is a world I want to live in. I would rather the first thought be ‘poor guy, he’s clearly having a hard time with his son, I wonder if he needs a kind face to say we’ve all been there’.
Do you have kids geetee? I’d always assumed that you were too young
Well thank you (I think, unelss you meant something else by that) I do, I have a soon to be eight year old and a four year old and if I saw the situation that Kryton found himself in, I would have gone over and given him a hug to be honest. It’s properly hard.
GrahamSFull MemberI might have misunderstood your position then; perhaps you are sympathetic towards Krtyon but the advice is still a very valid, try not to over react.
Yeah sorry I may not have made that clear. I completely understand why Kryton is angry and hurt. It’s not nice to hear that people who might see you almost every day could suspect the worst of you.
I’m encouraging him, and anyone angry on his behalf, to put the personal slight to one side, take a step back and breathe.
It sounds a bit zen, but if I ever found out who reported me, I wouldn’t shout at them, I’d thank them for looking out for my kids.
fifeandyFree MemberThat said there are two issues here. One is what is the (Kryton’s) right response and two is, what do you think of the snitch?
Well there’s 3 scenarios for the snitch.
One is they are a run of the mill do-gooder that only sees the world in black and white, and for any child to be crying means something bad has happened and action must be taken.
Two is it’s just a woman partaking in their favourite pastime of spreading misery and stirring trouble.
Three is the snitch is called Louise and is trying to break up Mr&Mrs K so she can move in later.But all three of the above are just differing brands of crazy that can’t be cured, so the correct response is:
don’t over react, take the moral high ground
geetee1972Free MemberI’m encouraging him, and anyone angry on his behalf, to put the personal slight to one side, take a step back and breathe.
I definitely misunderstood you so my apologies also.
Indeed sage advice.
yunkiFree MemberI still find it impossible to believe that there is a malicious snitch, I’m rather more inclined to believe that it’s an innocent interraction that’s been misinterpreted.
That’s my hope anyway
Gary_MFree MemberI still find it impossible to believe that there is a malicious snitch, I’m rather more inclined to believe that it’s an innocent interraction that’s been misinterpreted.
Yeh that’s my thoughts, just part of a general conversation, not a specific phone call from the parent police to say “We have been informed by one of our agents that your child was found to be crying on the way to school this morning. Daddy tried to hide the evidence by wiping away the tears. Before we launch a formal investigation please interrogate your spouse for an explanation. Please do not reveal the details of this conversation to your spouse.” Or something like that.
Kryton57Full MemberEdukator – Reformed Troll
How would you know, I don’t communicate it on here
You do, regularly.You might want to examine your notes that you keep on people in internet forums and post up the evidence.
I dont deliberately discuss my relationship on here with a view to me or anyone else forming an opinion of it.
With all else in hindsight Im grateful for Graham S advice as i believe its most appropriate. But yes, i do wonder how as an engaged and loving father someone else feels fit to “report” this based on what they know about me. The view ive been given is that the comment was not mentioned in passing, but a specific phone call was made to my wife asking the question.
I see no reason why the person in question could not have asked me the same question while inwas presumably a maximum of 20ft from her.
At the same time im upset that my actions have caused my son to be upset. Hes quite sensitive and i come from a background of poor relationship with my parents, which I dont want for him.
An apology will be forthcoming for the way I expressed my emotion with him, together with a clear explanation of why I felt his behaviour wasnt appropriate.
I’ll forget the ladies in the playground, again based on Graham S perspeciltive.
EdukatorFree MemberI don’t need notes, but if you really want examples I’ll trawl your posting history.
What did you think of my constructive suggestions then, Kryton ?
GrahamSFull MemberGood man Kryton.
Glad my own misadventures could lend some perspective to yours.
geetee1972Free MemberAt the same time im upset that my actions have caused my son to be upset. Hes quite sensitive and i come from a background of poor relationship with my parents, which I dont want for him.
Have a man hug buddy – being a parent is hard, being a dad particuarly so. We all fail at some point but your motives and aspirations are what count.
Gary_MFree MemberI see no reason why the person in question could not have asked me the same question while inwas presumably a maximum of 20ft from her.
To be fair the parent may have been in a car driving away and couldn’t stop, they may have had to rush off to some important engagement – gym session or a latte with a friend perhaps 🙂
Perhaps they were just phoning your wife to say ‘saw <insert name here> crying this morning, just wanted to check he’s okay’, rather than ‘that terrible husband of yours has been upsetting <insert name here> again, do you really need any more justification for turfing him out.’
And to be even fairer to them they’ve probably heard about those gas guzzling cars you dream of buying and don’t want any drug dealer/gangsta wagons lowering the tone 🙂
GrahamSFull MemberHave a man hug buddy – being a parent is hard, being a dad particuarly so. We all fail at some point but your motives and aspirations are what count.
Here here. Group hug?
funkmasterpFull MemberNo, I’m not that type. Believe it or not I’m blue/green on the spectrum – a passive negotiator and don’t enjoy confrontation.
That’s only because they were the available colours on a ZX81.
Children cry all the time because children. The whole wife’s friends spy network is a bit scary though. What else could they be watching you doing? Is nowhere safe for you? They are the real questions here 😯
johndohFree MemberI can’t believe that someone would call the mum simply because she saw the child crying when he was with the dad. Surely there must be more to it than that?
km79Free MemberThe view ive been given is that the comment was not mentioned in passing, but a specific phone call was made to my wife asking the question.
Over 7 hours on and your wife hasn’t even gave you the full details yet? That can’t be healthy.
Kryton57Full MemberJohndoh there isnt, like I said i cant think of any reason why any of the mums that know my wife – and me – would do that.
singletrackmindFull MemberYou could have just let the lad keep the £20 !
Did you use the old ‘ I’ll just look after this for you’ and spend the folding on sticky buns with your cycling mates?
jamj1974Full MemberThis place is slipping. In 5 hours no one responded to:
dirtyrider – Member
^^ this, however the chance of my missus answering an incoming call on her mobile is approx 50000000/1With:
She does to me, when you are out
Seriously though, I would be annoyed at not being trusted with the name of the person who reported you to Mrs K. I also agree that nastily some people like trying to sow discord in others relationships and equally like the gossip this could give rise to. I’ve seen it all too often at the school gates and it is despicable.
Kryton57Full MemberIve spoken to Mrs K and the kids anyway – on the phone as im working til 8.30.
Seems she bumped into said lady on the train whilst taking my daughter to a show, and the comment was a “was junior ok i saw him crying on the way to school this morning…” so perhaps not malicious.
Junior is fine, has had a good day and is looking forward to his last day at school tomorrow out of uniform.
Ive explained to Mrs K that the tone of this mornings explanation did not help my interpretation of events. Although thats now resolved, i have also just clicked that the timing isnt great at this point of the month – i dont mean that disrepectively for any ladies reading this, but its a potential factor.
GrahamSFull MemberSeems she bumped into said lady on the train whilst taking my daughter to a show, and the comment was a “was junior ok i saw him crying on the way to school this morning…” so perhaps not malicious.
See there you go. No intended slight towards your parenting at all, just one mother hen clucking to the other, letting her know she’s looking out for her chicks. 😀
All meant with love and the best of intentions – even if it caused you grief.
CountZeroFull MemberGrahamS – Member
It’s a type of maternal virtue signalling contest that I just can’t get involved with. Nice as it is.
Yep, broody mother hens all clucking away, reassuring each other that they are all watching over the chicks.It’s a nice thing. Sign of a good community.
You can understand why they don’t want a cock messing it up.
Cue instant mental image of scenes from Chicken Run.That said – who knows, maybe they were driving by in their Chelsea tractor and saw it and couldn’t stop. Maybe they didn’t think anything really of it but then were talking to the wife about tomorrow’s prosecco and Ann Summers party and the new range of magnetic devices and mentioned it in passing?
I like the way you slipped that in…
dannyhFree MemberSo everything was alright and this was just a little bit of everyone not communicating properly and/or jumping to some conclusions? Like normal life?
Well, that’s very disappointing.
I was rooting for you to confront the other woman and scream abuse in her face. I don’t come here for everyday tales of normality, you know.
scotroutesFull MemberNah. I reckon Mrs Kryton has stolen the OPs login details and poor Kryters is currently under the patio.
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