Was running late this morning so didn’t have time for my usual leisurely evacuation. Thought och it’ll be ok. Half way round Glentress started to get “that impending feeling” and then spent the rest of the ride worried I might land heavy and camouflage the guy behind with an impromptu loosening.

Note to self, always make sure to nip one out before riding.

Just curl one out on the trail and blame a dog owner for not clearing it up.

One of the lads in the club carries an “emergency shit bag”. I kid you not. 😯

Years ago one of the lads on a winter clubrun stopped half way up Winnats Pass to go behind a rock… It was in the days of bottom gears of 42×18 so it was probably just an excuse to get off his bike 🙂

Spitfire backfire

If I run before 7 in the morning a mid-run sh@ will be guaranteed. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. A non-fragranced poop bag is as essential to me as a HRM or any other running ancillary. I gave up on paper a long time ago.

Who doesn’t enjoy a poo with a view every now and again?

poo with a view! 😀

you need a harder saddle. I find the pre-ride need disappears once my saddle has beaten my anus into submission and compacted the contents of my rectum into a dense brown weetabix brick.
what?

Congrats all on a fine thread! Pure quality!

The arse wiping ability of an old inner tube box is not very good, this is all I want to add.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoACQCJWx10[/video]

Gets me every time…

One place Glentress is a bit lacking, is its shortage of big leaves.

Same thing happened to me at Glentress. I started to get that knotted stomach feeling on the climb to the Buzzards nest. Things were desperate as i approached the steeper, rocky shortcut just below the car park. I don’t always clear this section, however the desperation to get to the portaloo focussed the mind and I blitzed that bit. Could be a good training technique.

Nae worry to the Op.
I always s#it myself when going to Scotland as I’m an Essex lad.

😛

i have crohns disease so that happens to me regularly,never go riding without the trusty babywipes 😆

I like to do a mini descent like a dogs with an itchy bum

hmmm ive never been one for this sort of humour each to their own i suppose..
would do nothing for my sex life if this humour was introduced into our relathionship.

I have to say I always find a long bike ride stops any cloth touching, even if desperate at the start.

Never touches the sides afterwards though 😎

Beware the jaggy leaf.

hmmm ive never been one for this sort of humour each to their own i suppose..
would do nothing for my sex life if this humour was introduced into our relathionship.

Wtf? Who has has suggested that this is part of anyone’s sex life?

BigG i was merely stating that if me and my partner used this humour in our relathionship it would not do anything for our sex lives!

Had this issue stalking. As an act of balance and bombs away in da woods not abc

Anybody ever Manned up and even opened the door nevermind went in the thing at the portaloo in the top car park at G.T. It really reeks passing 6 feet from the thing!!

Greg Lemond once used someone’s hat during a race. Pushed it down the back of his shorts, did a poop, pulled it back out.

Honest it only natural

Sphagnum moss makes amazing bog paper * and you can usually find it easily if you’re cycling in the uplands of Scotland as it’s one f*****g great bog. Just dig a hole with a stick and away you go.

* Warning- check moss for pine needles and creepy crawlies prior to wiping.

A guide in the alps once told me that if one was caught short and no suitable leaves were forthcoming, he just used his sock, leaving it in situ after he’s finished.

Any time I see a guide at the end of a long ride, I can’t help check how many socks he’s wearing.

Not yet had a wilderness dump, but after a mate needed to go and cleaned up with a Doc leaf, I have tucked away in the CB some baby wipes and a spare ziplock bag. Leave the dump and take home the tissue.

What’s wrong with using a gloved finger? Ram it in the dirt after; wipes all the pap off. Happy days.

A gloved finger?!!

I have been a couple of times when little warning has been given. Always been a swift, clean exit though. ahem

Liking Jedi’s cap story. Thats classic. I thought roadies got handed newspaper on the tour ICE.

Is this not the sequel to Touching the Void?

‘111’ on a tree,or rock.