Anyone else have any?

I’ve been struggling with anxiety for a few months now, truthfully I’ve been struggling my whole life with it, but it’s taken me this long to realise that I was anxious, what it was, and why I did stupid things sometimes when I’ve misread a situation and the fairly mundane seems life or death.

Anyway, I’m on what’s proven to be a very long waiting list to start a CBT course called “Silvercloud” (love to hear from anyone who’s tried it) so I’ve tried the “mindfulness” app – seems simple, breath in, breath out, feel better…. but.

I’ve fallen at the first hurdle – I need to find 3 mins a day when I’ve got some time to myself, where I can close my eyes.

I honestly don’t have a second a day to myself unless I’m driving (not great for closing your eyes).

Anyone else the same, at the moment the best I can come up with is going out for lunch M-F and sitting in my car which doesn’t really seem great.

This can’t be normal? I ride once a week in winter which is great for a bit of a de-tangle, but I’m usually with mates, other than that is poo time when there’s usually someone trying to come in or in the shower.

If you are anything like the rest of us you spend way more than 3 mins a day on here. Recognising that and then reassigning that time has to be the first port of call?

It’s fun on here though so difficult to give up

24 hrs in every day…

Not sure it’s too hard to find 3mins in all that..

But to be effective I would think 3mins a day ain’t enough.

Best of luck.

I honestly don’t have a second a day to myself

oh do behave, make time…(Get up 5 mins earlier for instance)

far far too much time on my hands. spend a lot of time alone, either on the bike, or just sat wasting the day away on here.

Do you drive without the radio on? It can be quite peacefull in yhe righg situation.
I sometimes listen to the forest sounds you tube videos at work, to both block out office chatter and remind me there is life out side the grey walls. Just dont listen to the running water ones as you will endlessly run to the loo.
Oh abd i get up earlier to have a quiet hour in thd house but usually end up working.

I reckon you should be able to find some small amount of time too.

I think you need to remove some of what is stressing you out, and replace with something that will be good for yourself.

Not sure on your home life situation, but how about first thing in the morning, maybe a top up at lunchtime could be good?

Oh yeah deffo – but now I’m on here because youngest is watching Night Garden, whilst my wife reads to her, my heart is starting to race because she’s going to kick off about going to bed in a min. Then I’m into cooking for an hour.

The eldest goes to bed at 8:30-9ish, I could do it then (you’re meant to do it in the morning but needs must).

M-F I’m on here during work hours, it’s how I de-tangle between jobs in work, but there’s no where to hide away, I used to have my own office, but I share with the Boss now.

I know what you mean. There akways seems to be someone aroundcand something ghat needs doing.

My kids both left for uni in September. I thought I might find a bit of time once they’d gone but it’s been non stop and I’m still knackered! My wife went to visit one of them and stayed over last night. We just worked out it’s the first time I’ve been alone overnight in the house for over 20 years!

Can’t help your situation, other than suggest you explain t others in the family what you need and ask that they respect your brief daily disappearance to lock yourself in a bedroom. Think I might try that!

I had the same problem when dealing with similar issues. While I was signed off work I had the house to myself once everyone was at school and work, but when I went back to work I found it hard to find 15 minutes of silence to do it in.

Noise cancelling headphones were the answer.

3 mind before going to sleep or as soon as you wake up…always time…orgo to toilet at work and rake 5 minutes and use 3 of those for your time.

You can do this, just need to tweak a few things and you’ll be on fire. Stick at it and you’ll be impressed at how quickly small improvements start to appear.

Easy to say, but harder to do, but try not to stress about this as it is meant to help you.

Not sure on your home life situation, but how about first thing in the morning, maybe a top up at lunchtime could be good?

I’m probably being dramatic, but mornings are mental here – we’re up at 06:45, get two kids ready for school, wife ready for work. Eldest and Wife leave about 08:00, I don’t leave till 08:30 but I’ve got a 3 year old to keep entertained and she knows no chill, I drop her off at 08:55 but it’s full speed to work, I’m meant to be there for 9 but I’m usually 09:15ish – boss is cool about it, but there’s no time to spare.

Stick at it and you’ll be impressed at how quickly small improvements start to appear.

That, and don’t look further ahead than the 3 minutes. getting control of that is what is going to let you go further

Arrange with your wife that while she reads to your daughter you have the ‘right’ to go and disappear for 3 minutes. I’m not saying that your wife is blocking you, rather that you feel comfortable in taking this time for yourself to do nothing (well, it isn’t nothing – it’s just not tackling another ‘task’)

If you can’t find three minutes a day to yourself then you likely have bigger problems than those three minutes would fix.

I’ve fallen at the first hurdle – I need to find 3 mins a day when I’ve got some time to myself, where I can close my eyes.

I honestly don’t have a second a day to myself unless I’m driving (not great for closing your eyes).

No offence, but you can’t find 3 mins a day? Really? You probably spent 3 mins writing this post – use that time as a starter.

but mornings are mental here – we’re up at 06:45

Bit of a luxury getting up at 0645! Get up earlier.

Can you leave for work 5 mins early and have some time in the car or in a room at work first thing? It ideal but could work.
Same at the other end of the day, explain to your wife that you need 5 mins alone time once per day, just 5 mins but every day. Go and have a bath, or even sit on the loo, but if it’s important you have to find some time from somewhere,

I’m with simondbarnes here on the timing although I can sympathise that it feels like there is nothing there that will make room when the kids are going at 142% of full power all the time.

Your gap is, I think, in the morning. Do it before anyone else gets up.

Our kids are just a little older but Mrs GD gets up around 15 minutes before the rest of us and enjoys a cuppa and a few pages of book before the chaos begins.

I studied for work exams a few years back with a young family and a full time job. I found twelve hours a week I thought I didn’t have for 10 months with only two or three of those hours at the weekend. It was brutal and Mrs GD did a lot of extra stuff to make it happen but it was doable. You can find what you need, trust me.

No offence, but you can’t find 3 mins a day? Really? You probably spent 3 mins writing this post – use that time as a starter.

None taken, it’s not time per-se, but I don’t have a huge amount of that – it’s “quiet time” time when I’m on my own and won’t be disturbed for more than a few mins.

I have noticed that a number of people on here who have anxiety issues seem to beat themselves up about mistakes they’ve made and things they’ve done in the past.

As Edith Piaf said “Je ne regrette rien”

Not having regrets doesn’t mean you don’t care about previous disasters – it means you don’t upset yourself unduly about them.

Use your mistakes as a lesson. “I’m not ****ing doing that again!” (Although I probably will, in a slightly modified format). Wash your hands of it, write it off as a valuable life lesson and carry on a wiser, better and happier person.

And nobody, on their deathbed, said “I wish I’d spent more time at the office”.

I find it almost impossible to believe that three minutes out of 24 hours can’t be found! Christ, I usually spend at least that on the loo.

P-Jay, I think you need to ask for time alone at home, tell your wife what’s happening and when. You need to look after yourself first, so that you can, in return, look after your family. Maybe ask your boss too.

As someone who had anxiety disorder, but now doesn’t, the best advice I can give you is to stop trying to stop the anxiety.

Just accept you have anxiety temporarily, and don’t buy into the stupid thoughts and bodily sensations. Go to the supermarket and take the symptoms with you. They are uncomfortable, but wont kill you. You eventually desensitize and it goes away itself. (You will still get normal anxiety though – so if anthony joshua threatened to beat the crap out of you, you would still feel anxious).

What a lot of people do, and me included initially, was to fight the anxiety to try and stop it. Researching it, googling it, reading about it, taking multivitamins and magnesium for it, talking about it, infact trying anything to get rid. Unknown to me initially this is feeding the anxiety and prolonging it,

So basically let the anxiety be there. Its uncomfortable and unpleasant. But it wont kill you.

If there is something else thats making you worry, apart from the way you feel, then I’d consider some external help like CBT etc.

Get up at 6:42

😀

Or go off to bed 3 min earlier and use that time in the broom-cupboard for auuhm

Or change/overhaul your lifestyle/delegate more etc

Three options. Sounds glib reading it back but they really aren’t.

both your family and your boss have a stake in your wellbeing – it’s in their interest to allow you the time to look after yourself.

Have you spoken to your wife about needing this time? You’re not asking for something frivolous here, you’re asking for some time to keep your brain healthy.

As for the 3 mins in your car at lunchtime – don’t rule it out. I’ve done a few mindfulness sessions in the car in the middle of long drives and it’s been fine.

Unfortunately I am like ton, with far too much time to while away, no doubt it will come to that for you one day too. However, it sounds like things are tough – my suggestions may be crap, but they are well meant.
It seems to me you are getting more anxious about your 3 min silence than they are likely to be worth. Have you tried not entertaining your youngest in the morning? She will likely entertain herself if left to do so, she will soon get used to having to entertain herself for half an hour and in my opinion it would be good for her (based on knowing nothing about her, obviously). In the evening could you take her to the park, let her play while you have a sit on the swings? – nothing is more relaxing than 10 minutes on a swing.

First thing would be explain your feelings to your wife.

Try taking up running, 20 minute run every other day would give you some good thinking time.

Read, lose yourself in a good book?

Sounds like you need to take yourself out of the moment, step back, evaluate and then get back on with things.

Life is busy these days it would seem, but we are constantly fed messages from all sorts of places that seem to dictate to us and can make us feel like we are unfulfilled and should be achieving more.

Good luck I hope you find a solution.

How about talk to your wife?

Agree a 15 minute freetime for each of you.

Fifteen minutes where you are in charge completely she lifteth a finger not. Then you swap over?

I use the excuse of walking the dog to get some solo time – she isn’t bothered about what the weather is doing, as long as I remember the tennis balls….

P-Jay – I wonder if part of your anxiety is something I’ve heard be called “optimisation anxiety”, where you fuss over the “best” way to do something or feel guilty for not using all available time on a task. It might be why you feel you can’t find time for yourself? As mentioned above, speak to those around you and delegate some of your morning and evening routine so you can have ten mins for yourself. If you genuinely can’t do this something needs to change in your schedule anyway!

Does the wife join you when you have a number 2? If not then you already get a few minutes to yourself each day, surely you could find another 3 minutes somewhere (or combine it with your bathroom time…). I could see an issue trying to find an hour but I can’t believe anyone can’t find/make 3 minutes available each day.

Does the wife join you when you have a number 2? If not then you already get a few minutes to yourself each day.
I could see an issue trying to find an hour but I can’t believe anyone can’t find/make 3 minutes available each day.

Your bum goes tingly when you’ve been sat on the throne for an hour mind

Does the wife join you when you have a number 2? If not then you already get a few minutes to yourself each day, surely you could find another 3 minutes somewhere (or combine it with your bathroom time…). I could see an issue trying to find an hour but I can’t believe anyone can’t find/make 3 minutes available each day.

No, but it’s not really the place for it, you’re supposed to be sat in a chair and all that, not that it’s that important but – I rarely get to go for a dump without being disturbed. Work’s no better, 15 of us sharing a single toilet.

I was in a bit of a panic state yesterday and it’s impossible for me to be rational when I’m like that, it’s not as bad as I think.

upshift – Member
P-Jay – I wonder if part of your anxiety is something I’ve heard be called “optimisation anxiety”,

Possibly, I’m forever finding things I can do at this time or that, it’s more than a bit obsessive.

I tried to get 3 mins in this morning after I had a shower, sat on the bed whilst Mrs Jay sorted the kids out – got 2min in before the youngest wanted to talk to me – can’t say no to a 3 year old.

I think the best course of action is to revert back to taking lunch at home – it’s a 5 min drive and I get the place to myself to the thick end of an hour.

“finding 3 minutes” isn’t so simple, for this sort of thing it’s not like having a quick shit, you need to have your head in the right place and do it right. Mindfulness stuff can be counterproductive if it’s not right, it can end up just being a frustration and a multiplier of its own. So I guess, what I’m saying is on the one hand, finding the time should be possible for something important, but, it’s wrong for people to think it’s trivial I reckon. And it’s not just about this particular 3 minutes, everyone’s different but if I don’t get a little time to stop moving occasionally I just end up adrift, I can’t be doing stuff all the time. (it’s one of the reasons I post on here, it’s a nice moment out)

Arrange with your wife that while she reads to your daughter you have the ‘right’ to go and disappear for 3 minutes. I’m not saying that your wife is blocking you, rather that you feel comfortable in taking this time for yourself to do nothing (well, it isn’t nothing – it’s just not tackling another ‘task’)

I think this is a good suggestion – first, get Mrs P on board, and second, it establishes between you that you’re not slacking off, it’s an important thing that you need to do (ie assuages any associated guilt you might be inclined to feel).

P-Jay:
I think the best course of action is to revert back to taking lunch at home – it’s a 5 min drive and I get the place to myself to the thick end of an hour.

That sounds ideal – start that routine when you can and let us know how you get on. Remember as well that none of this is weakness – self-knowledge and spiritual peace were highly-regarded virtues in older societies and they take strength to achieve.

I think the best course of action is to revert back to taking lunch at home – it’s a 5 min drive and I get the place to myself to the thick end of an hour.

Can’t believe you didn’t think about that before 🙂 though I’d make it a 15 minute walk each way with 30 mins at home.

Can’t believe you didn’t think about that before though I’d make it a 15 minute walk each way with 30 mins at home.

I wish, it’s an hours walk each-way.

How can it be a 5 minute drive yet an hours walk? Maybe that’s why you can’t find any spare time, I think your internal clock is busted 🙂 😉

How can it be a 5 minute drive yet an hours walk?

Because his car can do 60 – 70 mph but his feet can’t?