Mosey. You’ve got mail.

Been there, bought the tee shirt – you can have the benefit of my last 10-11 years (it’s not all doom and gloom!)

The family thing may not entirely be out of the question. Admittedly a different situation, but about 3 years ago, the idea of a family was very much a ‘no you can’t’, but a change of consultants, to ones with a more progressive view, change of medications and DBT course, we may not just be practicing baby making anymore.

Doctors generally don’t like to promise more than they can guarantee to deliver (which is a good thing), but some are more proactive at finding ways around. We have had two that were really keen to help and support which gave us direction and momentum with others.

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Brave post, well done.

Asand when you feel up to it, I’m probably the closest MNPR ‘regular’ to you, if you need a lift or anything give me a shout, it might motivate me to get my arse out on a Monday. Got two bike carriers on the roof.

I won’t be offended if you cancel half an hour before hand, I know what anxiety can be like.

Speak to MartynS about the Thursday night rides though, they got me in to mountain biking, when I started on them I spent more of the ride walking than riding (and that was the downhill bits)

hang on in there OP, can really empathize with the anxiety thing, though I don’t suffer from it per se, I got to experience it for a short while, I given up my Job because of the stress of the commute was effecting my life, anyway a year later they were in a bit of jam and asked it I could help out for a few weeks, the money would have been useful so I agreed. The night before I due to start I was a wreck, shaking like a leaf, heart rate was really up, cold and hot sweats, never known anything like it before or since and I drive everywhere and anywhere without issue, I enjoy driving, needless to say I had to let them down.

STW never ceases to amaze me with threads like this.

A bunch of strangers with a common interest in cycling who normally wind each other up and bicker about wheel size, tyre choice, gear ratios, Audi drivers, politics and everything in between step up to help a stranger in need with kind words, advice from experience gained and offers to meet up to share the burden. This thread demonstrates everything good about this place and shows that people still care about people. Brings a lump to my throat.

Been feeling the pressure a bit lately myself with this and that, this thread has made me realise it is really nothing to be concerned about in the grand scheme of things. I am awaiting delivery of my new Orange Four and REALLY looking forward to getting back out on a bike.

Well done for posting your fears and feelings Mosey and everybody else. Takes balls to admit when your struggling. Look after each other. I’m nowhere near you Mosey bur if you are ever Scotland bound let me know and we can arrange a pootle in the hills on our Mountain Mint Oranges.

Nothing to add to what so many others have written, from their own experience, which I can’t match; however, it’s always worth just getting the bike out and going for a pootle on your own, if you have a spare couple of hours.
There’s nobody else to worry about, you set your own pace, set your own challenges on the steep bits, and you can sit and gaze at any view, let your mind go blank without worrying about holding anyone else up.
I’ve been riding on my own mostly since 1988 when I bought my first mountain bike; there wasn’t anyone else around with one! I’m perfectly happy with my own company, however, so it’s never worried me riding alone.
I have done a few rides with others, one was a disaster, all the others were keen riders who would sit in a group until yours truly struggled up, said ‘Right, everyone here? Let’s go’, and they’d be charging off with me still gasping for breath! Gave me a very jaundiced view of group rides, did that!
I have also ridden with a small group of friends in various places, which were fun, but there’s a lot to be said for grabbed solo rides where you just don’t think about anything but the miles rolling under your tyres, birds singing, and great views of open countryside, with a pint or tea and cake as a small reward.
I haven’t ridden for several years, but that’s a personal, confidence issue after a hard fall that’s damaged my knee, and my fear of something similar happening again and causing further damage, limiting my mobility for work has kept me off the bike.
I still get out and walk, and that has a similar, head-clearing virtue, so try to grab some me-time as well.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your good lady! 😀

That’s a shame you can’t ride but what you say is very true, a solo ride or walk is meditation in itself.

not read the whole thread but…pester doc for different SSRI, I hear different ones work differently (I’ve not noticed).

And…adoption? Pals looking to adopt are in talks re a healthy 18 month old. May be a long way from ideal from where you are I know.

I now it’s only February ,but, thread of the year.
Bravo all.
Exercise is the best medication for the black dog imo.
That and pies. Best of luck. 🙂

i know how you feel as i had anxiety and panic for quite a while.

You can recover though.

Dont get into a habit of feeding the anxiety by continiously researching how to get rid of it. You cannot beat it that way.

Books id recommend by,

Dr claire weekes
Dr sally mclaren
Paul david
Charles linden

Reading them itself wont cure though, tou have to actually do what they say. The anxiety naturally comes down by its lf over a few months.

Although it feels s*** at the moment, its only temporary once you know how you are maintaining it and how to stop this behaviour.

A brave post and one that I hope marks the bottom of your hill and from now on you’ll be moving up in little ways

Like everyone I have had to face a few issues in life. Although I’d say that now it all looks quite minor. I’ll offer a few bits of advice but that doesn’t mean i presume to know the answer

My wifes CBT got out of a difficult place

I have found mindfulness useful

Excercise. Believe me I am unfit by forum standards. But I use be alot less fit. Start small and work up. Can you get out for a short walk every day or just get a bike on a trainer and do 5 minutes a day. Start from a small base and work forward. Don’t let the excercise be another scale to judge yourself on. If you walk for 1 minute more tomorrow than you did today think of that as progress. Don’t judge yourself by the standards of others

All the best.

I’ve suffered from panic attacks for years and they can be very scarey. The key for me was realising they are generated internally not by external circumstances. Once I knew that I treated them like a sneezing fit or similar, just get through it, reset, carry on. This begins to shrink their power

Good luck fella.

I’ve climbed in and out of similar myself. I’ve tried counselling, medication, booze and cycling. The first did nothing for me, the second and third are not sustainable long term and the fourth is a constant comfort. I’m in the middle of a couple of stressful-downer-type-situations at present and unaccountably I’m ok. Maybe it’s because I’m having to do stuff and there is no time to cogitate over much.

I did a bit of CBT at Stepping Hill for not too dissimilar things recently. If the guy’s name begins with ‘J’ then you’re in good hands.

OP, just seen the thread. Very brave of you (and others) to share what you have and in doing so you’ve taken a very big step on the road to being in a better place. In a situation such as yours with a wife who is unwell its very easy to forget yourself and/or think you must be strong as your not the sick one. Its OK to be badly affected by what’s happening, in fact its normal.

I am far away so can’t help day to day but please keep sharing here, as above we can argue the t-ss over many things on here but people’s health and well being we always agree on.

Please keep us in touch

I’ve dipped in & out of this thread without contributing anything as it always seems like there are people out there with more relevant stories & advice who are able to provide much more useful words than I can manage.

But – having said that….regarding the family/baby side of things have you ever looked into potentially starting a family via adoption? Close friends of mine tried to have a child for many years and eventually decided that it wasn’t to be and looked into adoption. They now have a beautiful baby girl who they love like their own and it is really amazing to see. They are a great family and are so pleased with how things have turned out.

And here’s a link to an article about a colleague of mine as well, whose Wife was unable to have children after cancer…..

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/surrogacy-helped-Newmarket-couple-achieve-baby/story-28128251-detail/story.html

They ended up going down the route of surrogacy & now have a little girl who is massively cherished.

I hope it doesn’t come across as insensitive to mention these ‘alternatives’, but thought it worth pointing out that there are options out there & hopes for a family don’t necessarily have to end.

Best of luck….!

How’s it going?

I’m over in rivington so 45min away I’m not GNAR nor fast I’m out a couple of times a week.

So feel free to drop me a line.

Sometimes this place impresses the she-yit out of me. This is one such time,take up some of the offers,and start the process of building new friendships.

It’s been a rough couple of days. I had a panic attack Saturday night that I think was caused by sleep deprivation. I as able to stop it sooner than normal with a new breathing technique that my CBT counsellor helped me with. His name does start with J by the way.

I’ve had so many emails and replies off you amazing lot and have some plans to meet people in the next few weeks. I really can’t thank you all enough.

The doctors have finally put us forward for fertility testing to see if it’s even worth putting Claire through six months of pain. At least then we will know and can look at the other options.

Again, thank you all so much for every reply and offer of meeting up or just an ear to talk to.

Glad to hear you’re okay MoseyMTB, offer of a ride still stands!

I keep checking back to see how this thread is going – and Im sure there are probably numerous others doing the same.

From your reply, it seems like you have a couple of positives to explore which gives a good focus. Keep us updated!

And, if it doesnt go quite to plan – try again, try something different, try not to be beaten! It will get better.

I hope you’ve had a good day.

I went to Yoga today for the first time, I know you’ve got a lot on at home but have a think about it.

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/any-yoga-experts-in-the-house

STW never ceases to amaze me with threads like this.

+ another

I should add there’s some very brave people posting on here and I admire you all.

Good to see your looking forward Mosey.

PMJ I’m not brave in the slightest & really hate myself most of the time for shouting at my wife about things she has little control over, but sometimes it just swamps you, and I suspect many others also feel as though you are the only one who sees the whole picture.

I think it was Lunge in another thread who alluded to the mental aspect of decline.
That is the hardest thing to deal with for me as it’s taking the contact part of the person you love away from both of you.

At the end of the day its like coming home to be on my own but with another person to sort out before I can think about myself. Perhaps I ought to type it out properly so I can explain it to a medical person properly rather than typing guff on here?

MrOvershoot – It really does sound like you could do with some help with your situation.
Maybe making a new thread would be the first step?

PMJ I’m not brave in the slightest…

Is ‘brave’ the right word?

Personally I am seeing people dealing courageously with, and speaking openly about, very tough problems that are still taboo in modern society.

I’m not sure what the right word is, but I am genuinely humbled by people’s actions and struggles, and the fact they have the courage to then openly talk about it.

Is a public forum the right place for it? I couldn’t say. What is great though is seeing people help each other out.

So a mini update.

Today I finished my build and spent some much needed time with the Mrs (the new medicine isn’t working as well as we hoped) 🙁

Then …. I took the bike out for half an hour on my own. Just flying around the streets and alleys of my estate but it felt incredible.

I come back to this thread a few times a week with nothing to update as it always seems negative things are in control but today was a good day.

Next step, move on to the next treatment for Claire and keep our fingers crossed.

Good luck and stay strong mate.

Thanks Gobuchul, I’m trying 🙂

Subbed what a great thread!

Very glad you are feeling a little more positive. Take care Mosey.

Hey Mosey. Missed this thread – not sure how as I’ve been off work following collarbone surgery and hammering the internet. Minor stuff in comparison, but frustrating nonetheless.

I’m in Stockport if you ever need an ear, a brew, a beer, a ride or all of the above. Should be riding CX bike in 6 weeks and gentle mtb after. I’ll have lost a lot of fitness and certainly not be racing anywhere. In Bramhall, but grew up round Marple. Most of my local riding is round Mellor/Rowarth or Hayfield.

My respect goes out to you for posting and glad to hear you got out for a razz. Go well for now!

How are things going, Mosey? Might have some time off the bike coming up, drop me a line if you want to chat about trying our tandem while I’m not using it

Just read this post. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis a few years ago and for a good long time my joints were in a bad way. Had always been very active cycling, walking and mtbing – I fought f@&£img hard to keep it up, but it became impossible…getting to work or up and down the stairs became the main challenge. I avoided any meds other than NSAIDs until we’d had kids for reasons you’re well aware of.. Then went on to sulphasalazine, and then methotrexate (the bad one for liver and having children – and you can’t have a bloody beer). Neither was that effective, but mtx seemed to keep things slightly better. Was looking at biologics when a new drug Aprimilast came out – not sure how widely available it is yet, and the prescription criteria vary. I’ve got an excellent rheumatologist, and he got me straight on it. What a bloody difference. I’m now 95% symptom free. Has made my life so much easier.

It’s a weird thing to be so appreciative of just being able to go up the bloody stairs two at a time. For a while I had to hold the bannister and heave myself up each one. Or to be able to kneel down to tickle the kids without it being agony. I remember I broke 4 ribs and punctured a lung at ft bill during a good spell of remission, when my enthusiasm led my to the DH course (not my natural habitat!)…after a couple of days healing the pain from the arthritis was much worse than the ribs. It was then I realised I needed to try the MTX despite the shot side effects.

Now my symptoms are better I sometimes forget how bad it was. Then I’ll remember the pain and constant effort to do anything when things were worse, and I feel a wave of gratitude.

Not sure why I’m posting all this. Basically, I want to say don’t give up re the RA. And also to say there are others
out there who are going through similar things and you’re not alone. There are new meds coming out all the time. Apremilast has been brilliant for me (please please let that continue I say, selfishly). Biologics might be an answer for your wife, or apremilast – I don’t know. These are all ok for conceiving I think. As for your troubles, I only hope things are getting brighter for you. I’m sure you’ll come out of it.

Hi oblongbob, thanks so much for the response. It’s reassuring to hear how somethings do work for you.

The last few days have been hard, Claire seems to have extensive damage to her right knee and is nigh on immobile. We are in the doctors this morning hoping they will X Ray it too see if it’s more than just the RA. We don’t want to give up on the Enbrol if the knee is damaged as it’s so much safer (I believe) than the methotrexate.

The hardest part is seeing Claire in such pain, both physically and because the thought of not having children destroys her. I put my sample in for anyalsis yesterday and that’s playing on my mind, so many what ifs! I’m trying my best to not let it take over and concentrating on what my CBT counsellor is teaching me.

Thanks again everyone for the help, thoughts and advice.

Missed this the first time around and only read the OP as I’m heading out to work but I was wondering; if children is so important to both of you, have you considered adoption? I’ve a few friends who’ve gone down this road (it’s startling how many couples can’t have kids for varying reasons) and they’re all very happy now.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 6 years ago and am still on medication and have been through 2 or 3 series of counselling. Been depression free for 6 weeks now. One thing that I took away from the counseling was being told “if you can’t look after yourself how can you expect to be able to look after others.” I have spent many an hour trying to put myself first, and been beaten by feelings of guilt, etc. The last 6 weeks I have succeeded, but its been an effort over a number of years. Bets wishes OP

For what its worth, at 36 I’ve also got psoriatic arthritis in my wrists and some fingers.
I’ve been on MTX (20mg a week) for the last 2 years and it has made a huge difference. I’ve gone from literally not being able to lift a carton of milk, let alone ride my bike, to being probably 99% as mobile as I was pre-condition.
So far I have had no bad side effect other than a slightly lowered immune system, I cut out the booze for 6 months but regular blood tests wee all good so I’m allowed a few units a week now.
I stopped taking the meds over the winter as I seemed to be having endless chest infections, but soon noticed the pain returning (as well as the psoriasis) so started up again about 8 weeks ago and everything back o normal again.
Fortunately my baby making days are in the past, so its not a concern, but if it had come round 7 years earlier it would be very different. Good luck with it is all I can say really, its a horrible condition that others can’t really appreciate as there are no obvious external symptoms.