At the bottom of a decent Alpine downhill:

'shit, my rotors are on fire' *reaches down and touches one with tip of glove, glove melts and burns hand'.

Any other examples of Darwinian style cleverness??!!

Try and freewheel on a track bike.

Pi55 on an electric fence

Get caught danger w@nking by your kids

After having recently passed my driving test, i yanked the handbrake on at about 45mph to see what happened.

I only did that once.

Cut up chillis then scratch nutsac

put tongue on freezer wall

I had a front disc that had lighting bolts and oakley symbols. My friends, after a long night out, decided it would make a good burn/tattoo. He only did that once…

Sneeze while bending over. Never, ever again. 😯

Date a pi55 head.

taff – ouch!

Try and freewheel on a track bike.

nope, three times I've tried fixed, three times I've 'forgotten' I can't freewheel, scary, not doing it again (by not riding fixed)

Try to swat a wasp whilst holding a kettle full of boiling water.

Try to swat a wasp whilst holding a kettle full of boiling water.

😆

apply deep heat to a groin strain – seemed like a good idea

Cut up chillis then scratch nutsac

Cut up chillis then attempt to start an intimate romantic evening with a lady.

retro 83 been there – cut hot chillies then take a p*** -you have to wash hands BEFORE and after

try to lever a pedal arm off a bike with an adjustable wrench, then get your face nice and close to the wrench in question.

When the wrench slips you realise that you could have skipped the middle man and just hit yourself in the face with it to begin with.

Get married….I hope

Answer the phone whilst ironing.

Ring-ring!

"Hello?"

**sizzle**

"OUCH MY EFFFING CHEEK!"

All the above, plus:

Try to remove a branch from front wheel during a descent in a cross race. Ouch.

Ride a fixed wheel bike wearing baggy jeans, not tucked into sock or rolled up. Cue one legged jeans and messed up face.

Clip into spd backwards whilst chatting at the top of a hill. Had to rip the fecker off and ride cleat-less.

Attempt very large drop-off outside Navigation in Buxworth after quite a few pints. Cue broken XT bb and large scar in back of leg.

Oh well, you live and, in my case, don't learn!

Get married….I hope

I hoped that till a discussion yesterday after 15 years it looks like i was probably wrong!!

life really sucks

show my son how to skateboard when I was 36.

Get a drop of olbas oil in your eye. 😯

use an electric plane on a little bit of wood, while holding said little bit of wood in the palm of my hand

Die? Hopefully a long time from now.

Respond to an offer of job training that sounds too good to be true by handing over a large amount of cash and assuming it's all above board because it's backed and supervised by our cretinous government.

Seven months later – £8k out of pocket and nowt to show for it except a useless portfolio and a headful of knowledge for a glutted job market, with no chance of work or a refund. Scammer (Conservative Party donator) currently sunning himself somewhere on a private beach, no doubt…

Moral of the story: If it looks too good to be true, it is. 👿

Introduce 2 new cats to each other whilst only a foot away from your face

Ironing whilst naked

Finding out where the rev limiter cuts in on your parents brand new car

I hoped that till a discussion yesterday after 15 years it looks like i was probably wrong!!
life really sucks

sorry to hear it dude. Life, indeed, sucks. 🙁

Hold the broken filament of a light bulb together with your fingers to see if it lights up.

Look down a slippy rocky chute in Bristol and think, ah, it'll probably be all right. I can ride that….