Went to the chemist as I have a disease that is clearly close to being fatal and have a full weekend of riding ahead of me. Explained to the chemist that I needed to clear my lungs of the crap that was in them and unblock my nose and off she went to get a load of random European drugs and sprays and things.

When she came back she said “Oh you’re riding this weekend you said? Is it a sanctioned race?”. I said no and she said that was a good thing as everything she had given me had ingredients on the banned substances list and I’d be testing positive. Could be that she’s erring on the side of caution but I thought that was service you wouldn’t get down at Tesco or Boots.

Clearly I’m going to do a ride tomorrow then do the lot on Saturday night and see if I go faster on Sunday. You know, for science.

“chemist”, you say ? 😉

Mrs Ferrari-Fuentes I believe her name was. The litre of blood she took for testing seemed a bit over the top but she said I could have it back at some point.

Now all you need is for the same service at the butchers.

I think I know her – is there a specialist butcher next door ?

(edit – Bah !)

Specialist Butcher you say?

A lot of over-the-counter cold remedies contain stuff on the banned list. Pro riders can’t take Night Nurse, IIRC.

A lot of over-the-counter cold remedies contain stuff on the banned list.

Just ask Alan Baxter.

atlaz – Member
Went to the chemist as I have a disease that is clearly close to being fatal

Bird flu is it?

corona virus – makes you feel like you have a cheap lager hangover

Gotta feel sorry for the pro riders. The amount of bull they have to put up with. I won’t be surprised if half of the stuff on the UCI banned list wont make f all difference to one’s performance but will acutely help shift a cold or flu. Next news headline will be of a rider getting banned cos he wiped his behind with toilet paper that had a bit more than than just the aloe vera .

Gotta feel sorry for the pro riders. The amount of bull they have to put up with.

Yep – it must be hard getting paid to ride your bike.

I won’t be surprised if half of the stuff on the UCI banned list wont make f all difference to one’s performance but will acutely help shift a cold or flu.

A lots of substances on the banned list are there not because they boost perfromance but becuase they can be used to mask things that can. Also a lot of things are allowed with a Drs note if its for a true medical reason but not allowed without one etc. E.g. Ventalin.

But I’d be willing to bet that a lot of the things in cold and flu remidies will be a lot better as PEDs than flu remidies!

Bird flu is it?

Bloke flu, clearly. And by flu I mean quite bad cold. And by quite bad cold I mean bad enough to be pissing me off and disturbing my sleep but not bad enough to warrant a doctor. So. As I said, nearly fatal.

I think that is fantastic! Have worked for in anti-doping for the past 7 years and it’s as much about education as establishing a fair playing field, makes it easier when there are more people looking out for the athletes.

Makes me happy it does.

I remember something a few years back about testosterone patches, and thought I’d give them a go. The only issue was i had no testosterone (other than the masses coursing my manly veins) and no patches.

So i tried the next best thing, and smeared a home made concoction of man fat and Brut 33 on an elastoplast and affixed that to the underside of my scrotum.

It worked, sort of. The sweat ran down my barse carrying the synthetic testosterone onto my ringpiece, causing a smarting sensation that i would definitely describe as ‘performance enhancing’ In fact, the astringency of the neat alcohol plus salt solution was such that in no time my outlet valve was the proverbial japanese flag.

That wasn’t the only mistake though. Presenting at the local a&e with a red raw orifice covered in flakey gentleman’s relish and claiming it was a performance enhancing experiment caused more than the odd raised eyebrow. Although a nice orderly did give me his phone number.

😯
That Brut33 was a big mistake…