My buddy’s fat bike looks stupid. Ridiculous actually. Sure, it’s all tricked out: titanium frame, carbon fork, dropper post, the works. And it is a bike after all. But those wheels. Those ridiculously obese, monster truck lookin’, mud bog, butt-ass ugly wheels. An abomination of the “noblest invention” I say.

It’s like my pal has gone all redneck on the cheap. In the same arrogant vein as those Joey’s who drive around town with a 12-inch lift kit and massive treads, a motorbike or a snowmobile in the back, gun racks, loud motor, shitty music, all that “look at me I’m so big and awesome” crap that makes me fearful the apocalypse will drive right over us.

Of course, I realize that my friend’s ride still is a human-powered machine. Not quite the Gravedigger. Which makes the whole fat wheel thing look even more asinine. The bike looks about as spry as Jabba the Hutt after an eating binge. I imagine a nightmarish, perpetual state of riding in bark mulch, with the brakes rubbing, never able to shift out of granny because it’s such a pig. And when we think of efficiency, speed and grace—all things the bike stands for—to the uninitiated, the fat bike looks plain wrong. Even the name itself is an affront. Please agree with me here, the words “fat” and “bike” should never even be used in the same sentence, let alone right beside each other.

Most action sports have a long history of blasphemous one-offs and bizarre gimmickry. Bicycling is no exception. If you’ve ever been in the basement of Interbike, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Weird recumbent styled contraptions where you lie on your stomach and pedal with your arms, booths with bolt-on-boob, fake tanned chicks jumping around on atrocious inventions that look like a bike, a thigh buster and a shake weight had drunk sex. Bikes that fold into a briefcase, bikes made out of cardboard…it never seems to stop.

When it comes to riding on snow, inventors have been down this road before. A few years ago, an Austrian fellow wanted me to try some snow bikes he was importing from Europe. He showed me pictures of the contraption, and a video. He kept telling me how awesome it was. How the faceshots never stopped, how it was way more fun than actually skiing. Buddy had taken a downhill bike and replaced the wheels with some cut-off skis. If you were really pro, like Austrian guy, you wore little ski blades on your boots, “For ze extra carve.” When he first phoned me, saying, “Ziss vill be a great story, the sport is about to take off!” I was skeptical to say the least. Guess what dude, there’s already a sport that’s got snow pretty dialed. It’s called skiing, and it’s only about 100 years old.

Not surprisingly, I never did try the ski bike. Nor do I see evidence of it “taking off.”

So I come back to the fat bike. Fact is though, my buddy is having a grand old time, even though the residents of our mountain town stare at him with stunned confusion, interrupting his peaceful ride with thousands of questions. There’s a little tribe of fatbikers (seriously?) in our town. After a snowfall they pack down the local trails with snowshoes, then ride. They say it’s a blast, except for the icy bits. “Ice is still ice,” they say. “Nothing works on that stuff.”

And hey, I don’t want to be the guy who knocks on creative exploration, but at a certain point, after you’ve seen many gimmicks—even sports—come and go, I’m left a bit of a cynic. For those of us who live in or near the mountains, there’s no need to hybridize the two sports. When there’s snow, go skiing (or snowboarding if you like dragging knuckles, cross-country if you like wearing tights). When there’s no snow, ride the bike. The two sports are actually very similar when it comes to physical mechanics.

But now these snow bikes are taking off. A local distributor can’t keep them in stock. And I’m torn. I love riding, but if I want to participate I need to buck up $3,000 for a bike that is only worth riding when it snows? Really? I’ll tell you what, when it snows, I go hit the slopes. I’ve already got the gear, and that gear happens to be super dialed. Maybe if I lived in Alaska, or Minnesota, where it’s cold and flat I’d get a fat bike. But why would I live someplace like that?

So I yield hesitantly. Even if I’m pretty sure I’ll never participate in this particular niche, I’m fascinated to see where it goes. It’s a little bit cool, I guess, even though the bike looks profoundly wrong. And the more I think about it, I bet it rides through bark mulch pretty damn well.

– Mitchell Scott

link.. http://www.pinkbike.com/news/Fat-Bike-Seriously-mitchell-scott-2013.html

More or less my sentiments. Still like to ride one in snow though.

What happens on PinkBike, stays on PinkBike.

Even if I’m pretty sure I’ll never participate in this particular niche, I’m fascinated to see where it goes.

not that blinkered…

Super dialed.

Nice rant. 😆

How many days a year can we expect sand on the beach?

They should really be called flatbikes due to their attrocious handling on any sort of downwards gradient. Or is that just down to the type of rider who buy into this shit?

How many days a year can we expect sand on the beach?

touche but how many of us live near a beach?

they look fun and for certain specialist stuff they might well be the dogs danglys but I’m a little dubious about them for everyday use.

touche but how many of us live near a beach?

I do. It’s all shingle with groynes every 50 yards though.

“Ice is still ice,” they say. “Nothing works on that stuff.”

Studs.

Whether you like his line or not, it’s very well written. Bike mags would be much better reads if more of the content was written with that eloquence. I like my journos opinionated.

I haven’t got one,I don’t need one but still more likely to get one than a road bike!

Try it.

You might just like it.

I quite like them, had a ride of an On One proto at Bikefest last year, is a fair way down ‘the list’ of ‘needed’ bike though

Nice piece, but what we really need to know is how many bottle cage mounts they have

Try it.

You might just like it.it’s a bike of course I will like it, but I’ve already got what some may consider to be too many bikes, don’t have room for (another) limited* use bike.

*possibly, imho, ymmv etc

So how many of the haterz have actually tried one and how many are thinking “that’s different, I’m not sure, best I just push out some tired cliche about how many days snow we get or how far we all live from a beach”.

Actually thought it was a well written funny article 🙂

I think the thing with ‘Fat Bikes’ is they need to decide on their USP. Mostly the public is confused, that’s why people with fatty’s always say they get so much attention. “When ever I go out I get loads of people asking me about my bike!” – Yeah.. it’s because no one knows what they’re for!

To begin with, I believed (As I think do a lot of people) that they were ‘snow’ bikes. Big fat tyres that allowed you to go back country exploring and float over snow and mud and ride along river banks etc. Fine. That’s cool. That’s a noble use. Do they do that? I’ve no idea, I’ve not ridden one in those situations(Or any situation). I assume if you have wide enough rims and tyres then yes, they do that admirable.

Then people started saying, oh no fat bikes aren’t JUST for that.. they’re great fun, it’s a whole new way of riding etc etc. Although I hear that the widest tyre/rim combinations are not really suitable for JRA- too draggy/heavy etc.

So OK.. now we have a bike that’s ‘just fun to ride on normal trails’ and isn’t suitable to ride along below the high tide line at the beach.

Far be it for me to dictate how people get their kicks.. I mean that’s half the fun of cycling; there are so many different ways of doing it, and yeah.. maybe if I tried one I’d ‘Get it’. But from an outside perspective it doesn’t really seem to gain you anything, other than perhaps, whisper it, attention..

I suspect most of us fall into the “that looks fun and I’d love to have a go but I’m pretty sure it won’t suit 98% of my riding so I can’t justify owning one” category.

If Singletrack were to give away a fatbike to all current and new subscribers I think the world would be a much better place.

There fun, it’s that simple there just fun, isn’t that why we ride?

I think the thing with ‘Fat Bikes’ is they need to decide on their USP. Mostly the public is confused, that’s why people with fatty’s always say they get so much attention. “When ever I go out I get loads of people asking me about my bike!” – Yeah.. it’s because no one knows what they’re for!

They are ideally for snow and sand the USP over a standard bike, but there is no law to say they can’t be ridden in the woods.

Lots of fat bikes in Cannock now ain’t no sand or snow there, but every fatty owner I see is grinning ear to ear

How many days a year can we expect sand thick mud on the beach trails?

FTFY

How many days a year can we expect sand on the beach?

If I told you you could ride somewhere almost perfectly flat yet really energy sapping with an almost constant wind and no defiend trail or technical features.

Would you ride there?

Sounds about as fun as herpes.

Fat bikes come alive on singletrack, I don’t see what’s not to like they also look good

I If I told you you could ride somewhere almost perfectly flat yet really energy sapping with an almost constant wind and no defiend trail or technical features.

Would you ride there?

Sounds about as fun as herpes

I was more thinking about the dunes behind the beaches.
Could have huge fun over Braunton Burrows.

I demo one last year it was great fun, snow or no snow.

Fat bikers try harder?

Whether you like his line or not, it’s very well written

You’re kidding? I simply can’t overlook these two:

Guess what dude, there’s already a sport that’s got snow pretty dialed.

I’ve already got the gear, and that gear happens to be super dialed

I couldn’t stand to read any more!

touche but how many of us live near a beach?

Non of us (UK) live more than 70 miles from the coast 😉
Most a Lot nearer

I live a 2 minute ride from beaches. I have NO desire to ride a bike on one. big wheels or no big wheels

Non of us (UK) live more than 70 miles from the coast

oh so only a maximum of a 140mile ride to/from the “trailhead” then, piece of piss on 4″ 2kg 10psi tyres 🙂

I’ve ridden a few now (Pugsley, Sandman, On One, Moonlander) and come to the conclusion that much as for other tyre/wheel sizes there is a huge variety of suitable uses – which are influenced as much by the frame and geometry as they are by the tyres.

Could have been worse – could have been a single speed rigid 29er ….

Could have huge fun over Braunton Burrows.

and the legality of riding the burrows is….

oh and the future of beach riding is

Koga Beach bike

oh so only a maximum of a 140mile ride to/from the “trailhead” then, piece of piss on 4″ 2kg 10psi tyres

Full on Downhill bikes seem pretty popular, and not that many of us live close to Full on Downhill courses 😉

I’ve ridden over Braunton Burrows for over 20 years with no issues. Mainly follow the MOD tracks. If I do ride down one of the big dunes I make sure that I put all the sand back where I found it.

I demo’d one (a fatty) in November last year and was actually surpirsed at how good it was on single track. The grip over wet roots was noticeably better than a ‘skinny’. But there is no doubt it was draggier.

Just no.