“Have a pee before you go in the car.”

“Dont need a pee”

“As soon as we get in the car you’ll need a pee, go for a pee”

“No, I dont need a pee”

“Ok, in the car”

5 minutes later on the M8

“Daddy I need a pee”…..

“Daddy I’ve peed myself”

It’s great having kids.

the joy of shite parenting more like 🙄

An entirely predictable response from GW there.

+1 Surrounded by Zulus
“Daddy, can I have some sweets?”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Abracadabra?”
You couldn’t make it up.

bit like the entirely predictable outcome of your tale 😉

fabreeze may help with your smelly car BTW

GW, how’s the OP’s conversation supposed to go then?

Yeah, but when they get a bit bigger they start doing cool stuff like this and putting your rad skillz to shame…..

He’s 8, the wee bugger manuals better than me!

Julian – how about..

“Have a pee before you go in the car.”

“Dont need a pee”

“You will go for a pee before you get in the car!”

kid respects adult’s decision and does as he’s told, no smelly piss stained car!

Did you know there was a double positive in the glasgovian language that turned it into a negative? Aye right.

er.. it’s not glasgovian, Many Scots use sarcasm as a defence mechanism. 🙄

Do they? I never knew that. You learn something everyday.

“You will go for a pee before you get in the car!”

kid respects adult’s decision and does as he’s told

GW, you have kids, right? Everyone knows you can lead a 4 year old to water but you can’t make him/her pee in it. 😆

GW tell us about your kids then?

i just run ours a bit dehydrated most of the time.

Zulu, how old are your kids and where about in Glesga are you?

Julian – more than you can possibly imagine! and you are wrong!

Toys – you sound a bit creepy but what specifically do you want to know?

Zed, 9 weeks, 2 and 3. I can mostly be found around the centre of the city.

No nothing creepy, thats in your head mate not mine. I would just be interested to know a bit more about any kids who respect adults decisions, I haven’t met any yet.

if it’s any consolation, I don’t find myself respecting you much either 😛

Ha ha, try harder. No come on tell us more?

Are you ready to have kids ?
Ever thought about having children but arent sure.
Follow the test and see if you are ready for it

Follow these 15 simple tests before you decide to have children…

Test 1
Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months remove 10% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for paternity, go to local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.
Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they
might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3
To discover how the nights will feel …
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4-6kg, with a radio tuned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am 4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off
10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Test 4
Dressing small children is not as easy at it seems.
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this – all morning.

Test 5
Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5-door saloon. And don’t think that you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining. Family Cars don’t look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a coin. Insert it in the cassette player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate biscuits, mash them into the back seat.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. . perfect!

Test 6
Get ready to go out.
1. Wait
2. Go out the front door.
3. Come in again.
4. Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path/driveway.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8
Go the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9
Hollow out a melon.
1. Make a small hole in the side.
2. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it from side to side
3. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane.
4. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
5. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old child.

Test 10
Learn the names of every character from the Fimbles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney. Watch nothing else on TV for at least five years.

Test 11
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?

Test 12
Make a recording of Janet Street-Porter shouting “Mummy” repeatedly. Important: No more than a four second delay between each “Mummy ” – occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continuously tug on your skirt hem/shirt sleeve/elbow while playing the “Mummy” Tape made from Test 12 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14
Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting. Now:
1. Take a cup of cream, and put 1 cup lemon juice in it.
2. Stir.
3. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture.
4. Attempt to clean your shirt with the saturated towel.
5. Do NOT change. You have no time.
6. Go directly to work.

Test 15
Go for a drive, but first…
1. Find one large tomcat and six pit bulls.
2. Borrow a child safety seat and put it in the back seat of your car.
3. Put the pit bulls in the front seat of your car.
4. While holding something fragile or delicate, strap the cat into the
child seat.
5. For the really adventurous…… Run some errands, remove and replace the cat at each stop.

You are now ready to have kids

Zulu, if your kids ever fancy a go at BMX then give me a shout. I have all their old bikes and safety kit you can borrow to try it out. My daughter started at 4 on a mini mmicro.

Great fun. I’m not too far from the airport. The track we use mainly is over in Clydebank.

Daughter aged 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNkp4QF3we8

Seems about right Zulu but they soon learn and the “you’ll pee you pants” thing starts to work.

Family Guy always makes me laugh no matter how many time I watch it.

Wait til they get older…..recent ones……..
‘i’ve decided I want a scooby for my 18th’
‘what do you mean you won’t pay for driving lessons and the test’
‘WHY can’t I have my mates round ALL night getting pissed’
‘YOU WANT HOW MUCH!!!!!!!!!!’ (£30 out of £200)
‘cant pay board this week cos I’ve bought new trainers’
‘LET ME IN, LET ME IN!!!!!!!!!’

GW – Member

Julian – more than you can possibly imagine!

6? 8? Lost count? Perhaps you look after other peoples’ too?

I have 2 of my own, and spend your taxes looking after 10 of Devon and Cornwall’s most upset ones for four days a week. Those 10 are mostly good a number 1’s though. Occasionally I have to give their parents what could be described as ‘feedback’.

I bet with advice like that, you’re a real hit with the other parents at toddlers club. I would suggest that the trick in avoiding the ire of other parents less gifted than you is to sympathise, relate your own similar experiences (optional) and ‘wonder out loud’ with other parent if the thing you secretly know to be right could possibly work.

Julian – Like I said, more than you can imagine, But why does this matter to you? I don’t really see the point in telling you exactly how many kids, when, for how long or who’s kids they are but if you’re after a competition I wouldn’t bother as it is quite a few more than you and for more time each week.

Advice like what?
My “shite parenting” comment was clearly a piss take and seems to have been taken as such by Mr Zulu but has clearly hit a nerve with you. All I’ve really said is that if he’d been a little firmer and got him to go to the toilet to at least try, the unfortunate little accident might have been avoided. Why **** about “sympathising”, “relating my own similar experiences” and ‘wondering out loud’ (whatever that means) when a little common sense is all that’s needed.

nice tags. I accept responsibilty for the mumsnet one only. 😆

I once tried driving around the block, then pulling up outside the house & asking again. Didnt work. When a kid needs to pee they need to pee. They do move on from the instant pee stage though…eventually.

I wish we had a BMX track nearby. My two would bloody love that.

has no one else heard of the ‘magic wee’?

the kids go for a magic wee before you set off and it keeps them dry for miles and miles.

kids who respect adults decisions, I haven’t met any yet.

Ok my young one is only 5 but he has learned to respect my descisions , he knows arguing with me or mrscarlos is pointless he does as he’s told . This has been instilled in him since he was very young. As a result he is also very polite , without a please or thank you things don’t happen (the same applies to me and the wife when talking to him). He respects us and we in turn give him due respect.

Of course his attitude may change as he gets older but the rules won’t change !

For what it’s worth we keep an old drinks bottle in the car in case he really needs to go and there’s nowhere to stop , only any use with boys though.

“Dont need a pee”

“You will go for a pee before you get in the car!”

Hahaha.. rule them with a fist of IRON!

Respecting kids FAIL.