More doom & gloom I’m afraid.

I brought it on myself and now i’m a broken man & don’t know what to do

The woman I loved with all of my heart (these stories all start like this don’t they) left me in April, ok we’d only known each other for 9 months but I knew she was without doubt the one for me.

I never saw the split coming, out of the blue one day she rang me to tell me she wanted some space to herself

OK, she’d been in a 20 year relationship, then 3 years (she’d known him for 20 years), then me. She told me that when she split form the 3yr fella she’d go round every couple of weeks for sex with him before we met

We’d been seeing each other 4 or 5 times a week so I’m pretty sure she wasn’t getting up to owt. A month before the split she went full time at work fair enough I thought, although I didn’t quite believe it 100%

We had been friends after the split, seeing each other maybe once a week & texting most days, all pretty amicable

She told me so many things about the fella before me, how he’d hurt her & she cried a lot on my shoulder. He only wanted to go get pissed with his mates, he was dirty, smelly, unreliable etc

She never wanted to go out in town for a beer in case he was there as it’d be ‘awkward’. She set up a new facebook account for her close friends & me.

I should have seen these signs really shouldn’t I, but my love for her blinded me.

After the split I asked her if she still loved the fella before me when we were together, she only said ‘I loved you’. So yup she did.

I had noticed his car at her house every couple of weeks after we split and well, it’s easy to put 2 & 2 together isn’t it, even though it’s none of my business it breaks my heart to know that the man who made her cry on my shoulder is with her.

She’s denied that she’s sleeping with him & in a relationship with him & I do not believe it at all, too many things tell me she is. The separate facebook account, not going out in town with me, she’s near enough told me she still loves him without saying it…

I can’t believe she’s gone back to him after all he did to her, I’m devastated. She won’t text me, she’s deleted me off her proper facebook, I feel like I’ve lost my best friend & I’m struggling to deal with it, hence unloading all of this here

I know I need to move on but I cannot get her out of my head, I still love her even after all this has happened. I still keep driving past her house to see if he’s there. I know I shouldn’t and I know it’s wrong but I just can’t help myself

Even things that used to clear my head like biking doesn’t do it any more

I’m not sure what I’m after from this post, I just needed to unload before I meltdown, the glue that held me together has failed and I’m falling apart.

you are the glue that holds your life together

Respectfully MTFU how can you love someone who treated you like this? You are acting like she has with him.

Learn from this and crack on it does get easier and we are all worth better than that

Hopefully like buses a few will be along to offer advice , and like me will listen,(buses dont listen though)

It does seem to be that the its the female going for the seperation, on this forum.

Not being funny but MTFU is good advice, she was obviously on the rebound & needed a fella that she could talk to.
Move on, there is nothing but trouble with this girl 🙁

Holy Shit. Really sorry to hear that. Doesn’t sound like you should have seen it coming to be honest.

I don’t really know what to say. Only time I have been in a similar situation I found that diving into life with friends, talking things through with them & getting on with life was the best way to cope. Wondering what might have been, what you could have done, what she’s doing with ‘him’ will ultimately get you nowhere, but will make you feel crap. Well, it did me anyway.

Things do get better, not that it feels like that at first…

sounds a bit shit (mostly because you’re obviously not just a kid unless she’s a lot older than you) but you need to move on, not beat yourself up over this

she’s not the one for you, she appears to have lied during your relationship (or at not told you the whole truth) and now apparently has no concern for your feelings

let her go

rely on your friends – they will help

(and don’t be fooled if she asks to come back again)

Mibby get yourself down the clinic for a health check too – just to be sure

It’s mostly already been said above, but this…
…is nonsense. There are other women out there who you’ll learn to love equally and some of them might even return that with their love and respect.

It’s a bit of a shit sandwich mate but you’re just going to have to MTFU and take a bite.

My feeling is that 9 months is not a long term relationship, and that every day can be a school day.

You’ve been had, don’t make it worse by pining like a lost dog, move on.

what they said, I know it will be hard to hear now. Perhaps she was not right for you and I suspect was on some level unavailable to you which made her all the more attractive..

Sorry but what part wasn,t your business,,, him going round your gaff to be with her!?
It sure is your business you :P()$$¥. Mtfu to this third party and all the best genuinely. 🙂

If I’ve read it correctly she’s been shagging this guy for 23 years and fo almost all of that time has been stringing some other guy along too, latterly you. This other guy must do it for her whatever his faults she’s addicted. You’re currently cold turkey but will soon be over your addiction.

I cycled through Augsburg recently, there were more honest women every 50m or so just waiting to be picked up. Probably cheaper in the long run too.

still a honeymoon (or not)… ditto 9m is not really a long term relationship in the scheme of things…mtfu is good advice…find yourself a woman that will shag you for 23 years….

[video]http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=kv_ykdPfBM4[/video]

For some reason your story made me think of this.

The one for you?
[video]http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGaid72fqzNE&v=Gaid72fqzNE&gl=GB[/video]

And I don’t mean that flippently. It will feel shit now but this will make more sense in time.

chap . . 9 months is nothing . . .no ties, just count it as a blessing in disguise . . .

i’ve let partners down in a lot, lot worse situation than this . . . do not underestimate how selfish people can be.

sounds to me like you don’t have much experience in this kind of thing, it’s the only thing explaining your actions.

That Tim Minchin song is quite funny. I’m speaking as another recent STW dumpee btw.

Please don’t listen to “sad music”, it will make your life/being worse, think positive, & if you can see the light then Onzadog’s last post isn’t sad.

Snakes wi tits….

Not actually true in most cases luckily 🙂

Thanks for the replies

I know I need to MTFU & deal with it, but when you think you have found your perfect partner who was your best friend it’s damn hard

I’ve been in several relationships lasting up to 5 years, I know it wasn’t a long term relationship, everything was going so well or so I thought, sex was good, we could talk about anything, etc… but I’d had a very long dry spell before meeting her. Nothing from any of those relationships hurt like this, even when one ex was shagging my best mate

I’m 39 she’s 42

her 1st partner, Mr A was a 20 year relationship and a control freak

her next partner Mr L is the 3 year relationship, but has known him for 20 odd years. The relationship ended (supposedly) when she realised he didn’t want a relationship, just a FWB I guess.

He’s actually on an online dating site, looking for girls to ‘hang out’ with & she knows this. She told me she’s going to have to speak to him about it but gave me her blessing to go online dating

We both own our own properties

I think she never stopped loving Mr L & I may have been caught up in her trying to get over him, she was still in the ‘relationship’ with him I’d guess

I feel a bit better for getting this off my mind, thanks for reading & replying

Hey 4ndy B, make sure you look after yourself, avoid the temptations of junk food and moping and try and get out in the fresh air on the bike and eat healthily. It is hard now but it does get easier…

With the greatest respect, 9 months is absolutely nothing, move on and meet someone you can get to 20 years with.

Been with the wife 16 years now, i think it was two or three years before we even liked each other much…

>gave me her blessing to go online dating<

Mate, seriously move on. She has been having her cake and eating it in a big way. Cut all ties otherwise you will turn yourself inside out while she is having a whale of a time. Next month there will be another you, sorry.

Good luck, chin up, have a few beers, sniff the air after a rainstorm and thank your lucky stars you escaped.

You’re upset because she’s deleted you off Facebook and won’t text you?

FFS, get out and stroll up your street and chat with some neighbours, they are real people and you’ll find out interesting stuff about them, you’ll be amazed at what talking and listening can achieve. You’ll also realise that you are part of a community of genuine, decent, kindly people.

>gave me her blessing to go online dating<

Run Run Run, if she ever comes back either lock the door or tell her that her sister was better in the sack.

If she’s checked you, nothing is up to her any more.

From a previous thread borrow a cute dog for a few walks.

She is a player who to quote a bad song “wants your attention” been there done that and am so relieved that nothing happened between me and her.

Take your lumps and thank your lucky stars she has gone.

Run Run Run

+100

It’s massively painful when you have strong feelings for someone and they betray the trust you’ve placed in them, but the sooner you can bring yourself to definitively move on from this person, the sooner you’re going to be ready to invest in another relationship that might be more viable. You deserve to be treated with more respect than this.

She sounds like someone I know, even the ages match up, if she’s anything like the woman I know be thankful your free of her grasp. I’ve seen her ruin many decent blokes for a bit of attention. Going to hurt for a bit I understand but soon you will be glad it’s over. Go and find someone new have some fun, ride bikes and chill.

The reason You felt so head over heels and distraught now is she has practised this before many times.

Sorry to hear this. Made worse as you kinda hung your coat on her peg. She doesn’t sound like the girl for you. Lean on your friends at times like this. They will hold you up. Good luck finding the right girl when the time is right. Blessings come in the strangest disguise.

ok.. everyone seems to be pussyfooting on this one..

I’ve been you before, and the key phrase in your original post, is after the split..

after the split, what she does and who with and when and who she decides to tell about it is entirely up to her..

you know that your ex girlfriend ‘friend’ is being less than honest with you..

BUT.. she knows that you’re still obsessively in love with her and driving past her house spying on her.. (I’ve been there and done it) which probably isn’t very conducive to her honest and open discussion of her romantic feelings towards other people..

In short, you are being a slightly scary and obsessive ex fling.. a stalker in fact, not a supportive friend at all.. back off.. let the girl breathe, find yourself, get a grip and move on.. maybe you and her can be friends at some point down the line when you’ve got something positive to bring to a friendship..

I only feel within my right to say this as I did the same thing to an ex.. (we are now good friends many years later and the last time I saw her and her family was Saturday, when they brought their kids round to play with ours..)

When it was time for me to move on, it helped me a great deal to try to hate her for the pain she had caused me.. this allowed me to distance myself from the love that I still felt long enough to patch myself up and get back on my feet..

She sounds like a bitch!

The glue that held my life together walked out on me, I never thought my life would recover.
Next year however I am marrying the most amazing woman in the world.

Give it time, I don’t think you have lost much to be fair.

Never make somebody else responsible for your own happiness.

What yunki said.

I had noticed his car at her house every couple of weeks after we split and well

Down this road lies a restraining order.

A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

get a grip on yourself (ahem) and move on….

learn from it.

while she has played you like the pathetic male that males tend to be… instead of telling yourself it was perfect, perhaps take a look at how the ‘relationship’ was good for you.

while you fell for the “i only want to communicate with close friends and you” line, maybe you would prefer a relationship that is more low-key, when she didnt want to go ‘into town’ maybe that was something you were happy about.

learn from it.

if you ever talk to her again, make sure you end the conversation.

VOE

Even if you got back with her, which I know is what you really want, she will mess you around again and again. You will never be happy with her so you might as well put your time and effort into moving on and finding a woman who will treat you well and respect you.

Better to find a new woman you will be happy with than spend time with someone who will make you unhappy.