Whilst Dave is lazing in bed and being waited on hand and foot by the NHS’ finest and hottest nurses with his “so called” broken neck lets have tales of your crappest injuries to cheer him up.

Bike related.

Walked backwards into high level kitchen cabinet whilst wearing my helmet and Oakleys. The helmet rotated on my bonce and forced the glasses onto the bridge of my nose. Blood, snot and snapped sunglasses everywhere.

Non bike related.

4 year old son jumped knees first through the newspaper that I was reading and landed on my knackers. I collapsed shortly afterwards whilst filling up the car at a petrol station and ended up getting ambulanced to hospital.

my son put a garden fork through his foot.

The South African doctor in A&E panicked when he thought my son had told him he’d put a fork ‘through his willy’.

“Wellie you fool! Wellie! As in Wellington Boot”.

“Parked” my hang glider in a hillside resulting in concussion and both wrists smashed. Steel pins and plastered up at funny angles amused the wife till she realised she had to be my arse wiper 😯

Steel pins and plastered up at funny angles amused the wife till she realised she had to be my arse wiper

bloke I worked with broke both his upper arms falling out the back of a pick up truck and was left in a similar position except he couldn’t even feed himself for 6 weeks.

they had four kids under 6 at the time so you can imagine how popular he was…

Non bike – drilled my own hand – thankfully only all the way through – that really hurt but i somehow missed everything important and it was quick recovery

Bike – many but they all involve me cracking my ribs

Daughter number 1 spends all her life up trees, abseiling, getting rad on skateparks and suchlike. Last week we ended up in A&E getting a supected broken knee X-raysed, with her leaving on crutches after…. *drumroll* … falling off the sofa. I kid you not

I broke my little finger by sitting on it. Still quite misshapen to this day.

bloke I worked with broke both his upper arms falling out the back of a pick up truck and was left in a similar position except he couldn’t even feed himself for 6 weeks.

they had four kids under 6 at the time so you can imagine how popular he was…

Ouch, bet he was. My mrs did get her own back years later though…. I broke a collarbone while racing mini motos. with my son and g/son. She had to have foot surgery 3days later that she,d waited 2 yrs for. So I had to do it all including walk the dogs etc. while hoping the collarbone mended…it did,nt so had surgery 3mths later while still working….big mess.
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Daughter number 1 spends all her life up trees, abseiling, getting rad on skateparks end suchlike. Last week we ended up in A&E getting a supected broken knee X-raysed, with her leaving on crutches after…. *drumroll* … falling off the sofa. I kid you not

Binners, she sounds as accident prone as me!!!!!!

I supermanned at Dalby comming off the bit after Bombholes which is Red and Blue, just open grass, I found the one rock in the whole place and binned myself on it…

Jumped off the back of a London bus when it was moving as me and a mate missed our stop (didn’t know the area and didn’t know where to get off). One broken arm (my third at the time IIRC).

Chucking load of old furniture and wood into the skip at the local recycling place, I looked over the side to witness the destruction.

Got smacked in the face by a flying piece of four by two – yet another broken nose, two black eyes, walk of shame back to the car in front of grinning hi-vized staff. 🙁

Bike related? – Bought a BMX to avert incipent mid life crisis.
Hopped off a kerb on the first ride, feet slipped off pedals and landed on the top tube:

Two weeks off work, bruising from calf all round leg up to the waist.
Bollocks the size and colour of bust plums.
Bike used as a clothes airer for five years till I gathered the courage to try again.

Spacemonkey?:

When I was a kid I got a new bike. I started taking off all the reflectors (because they are dead uncool). Ripped one off the wheel. The thing shattered sending plastic everywhere. One shard ended up in my eye so I was carted off to A&E at 11 at night (on a school day!!). Scratched eye and it was bloody painful for a long time.

Dislocates shoulder kayaking almost 4 years ago,a year of physio before i was signed of 6 months ago injury starts playing up,so refered to physio again, today shoulder pops out now on a 6 month waiting list to see a specialist. NHS wont give me a sick not till I see the physio so i now have to work in a warehouse envioment lifting and carrying till i see the specalist.

on the plus side yesterday i was listening to the tennis whilst out on the bike and cracked my nuts of the stem djocovich (sp) final shot.

A mate of mine called us to say he was going to be off work for a while because he’d broken his heel stamping on a Quality Street.

Apparently he’d got very frustrated trying to unwrap it and decided to take his frustration out by making it flat. It was the hazlenut one. His heel lost.

The helmet rotated on my bonce

Wow, TJ was right!

I do love blokes.

“He’s injured, cheer him up”

results in lots of;

“Pah! You think that’s bad, here’s a novelty injury have a laugh at that”

I suspect that women would probably ask him how he felt, empathise and show him cute pictures to go “Awwww!” at.

etc

I thought I’d explore the gap between a fixed sprocket and chain with my finger. It was pointy and not very big.

I’ve identified with my feminine side and got a kitten to say some prayers for him

Non-bike:

Had my 12month old son on my shoulders, he got a bit exctied, span round and steadied himslef by putting his had on the bridge of my nose, it promptly slipped and his thumb went into my eye cutting the cornea. Cue one trip to A&E with the wife driving and 3 days off work as I couldn’t see well enough to drive.

Bike-related:

While tackling a not exactly tricky descent near me that I’ve got a mental block on (knocked myself out and broke a finger on it) I hit the very same tree very hard with my left shoudler / chest and thought I’d snapped my collar bone, but no that was fine. I then slipped over and broke the same finger again!

I ran into a bus shelter and trapped my fingers between the glass and the frame. I then panicked and tore my hand out ripping off the tip of my left middle finger.

I was somewhat tired and emotional at the time.

from his twitter feed;

Operation to bolt bones back together (through my throat!) this arvo! Now that’s fast!

*gags*

Dismantling some scaffolding. Shook a long vertical piece to release it, and the clamp at the top fell off. I ducked out of the way, my plastic helmet fell off and the effing thing hit me on the back of my unhelmeted head. The witnesses were in stitches and later so was I.

Operation to bolt bones back together (through my throat!) this arvo! Now that’s fast!

#barfs

Bike related
Hooked back wheel up on a double, I smashed down on the saddle and bent that so went straight down onto the back tyre which sucked my balls into the v brakes and tore my scrotum! Que a blood covered hand when checking if everything was still there and piss taking for the past 14 years or so.

Non Bike I simply fell over on my first day of skiing, nothing impressive or big or even steep. not even a poof of snow when I hit the ground. It was a total non event. I broke my leg.

I was riding my road bike up a very busy main road. A bus passed and there was a bunch of 15/16 year old girls at the back. I powered along whilst simultaneously trying to catch their eye. The bus continued on as I stuffed my bike into the back of a parked Vauxhall Cavalier. I was all over the boot howling from a stemmed crotch when I realised the car was full of people. I managed to mouth “sorry” through the rear window before I slithered off onto the tarmac to nurse my bruised kiwi fruits.

Double embarrassment.

BTW – I was also 15/16 at the time.

Oooh! Just remembered a cracker from Uni…

Mate came back to his room in a very tired and emotional state one night and decided it would be a good idea to kick in the window in the bottom half of the door. His leg went through and got stuck and when he pulled it out (or tried to) it kept half of his calf muscle.

Back to TwinklyDave though, hope things go well for you this afternoon. Get well soon.

Bike related –
Nearly killed myself in the first DH race of the (well, my) season after misjudging the 1st drop-off and landing my chest in the middle of the saddle.

After 2 days of agony racing I finally got the to doc’s the Thursday after who sends me immediately to A&E with a note. They wheel me straight in, do x-ray’s, cardiograms, etc and come to the conclusion that I’d mashed up the majority of my ribcage. If I hadn’t been wearing my body armour they reckoned the saddle would have pushed my solar plexus in and crushed my heart.

Non-bike related –
Never ever try to rugby tackle a mate while on a pub crawl walking along Dudley High street.
I can guarantee your scaphoid won’t thank you for it.

Taking the dustbins out I tripped over my suns BMX in the dark ( wearing flipflops )…severed tendon in foot !

Number of years ago, during similar weather conditions I was looking at a young lady at a bus-stop who was wearing a beautiful white dress. I should have been looking where I was going.

Hit the kerb, road rash, knackered kit and pride well and truly broken.

She laughed.

Non bike – I brushed my teeth with my wifes Immac this morning

Number of years ago, during similar weather conditions I was looking at a young lady at a bus-stop who was wearing a beautiful white dress. I should have been looking where I was going.

Hit the kerb, road rash, knackered kit and pride well and truly broken.

She laughed.

You should have asked her for her number!

Number of years ago, during similar weather conditions I was looking at a young lady at a bus-stop who was wearing a beautiful white dress. I should have been looking where I was going.

Hit the kerb, road rash, knackered kit and pride well and truly broken.

She laughed.

You should have asked her for her number!

You don’t get a second change for a first impression etc.

Not bike related – Was in the hardware store and decided I needed a stanley knife for the tool box (as you do). Got home and was opening some packaging for some other DIY bits and bobs. Decided to use the afore mentioned knife. Dug it into the plastic packaging and like a knife through butter sliced the packaging and straight through my thumb. Cue blood everywhere and a few weeks unable to use my thumb properly…

Lesson learned – Don’t be an idiot with your tool! 😀

My 6 year old lad that told me that Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs call a trump a fart therefore so can he

I’m dreadfully accident prone!

Bike related, had a couple of accidents in my youth where gonad+stem interface caused tremendous pain at the time but little did I know how much damage I had caused till I came to have a vasectomy many years later (wasn’t preventing the buggers from working altogether) Cue sitting in the vasectomy factory with every single duty doctor coming in to fondle my nuts to try and separate my Vas from all the scar tissue I had created earlier in my life! 7 doctors standing there fondling me one at a time was too much! In the end I had it done under general anesthetic in the end!

Non Bike related,

I had my neck broken whilst rugby training in the forces with telegraph pole races along the gym. My partner on the other end dropped it, I found out when it hit me on the head, then just like Jerry in the Tom & Jerry having it hit me a further 6 times as it bounced up and down on my head! I ended up paralysed down my right hand side at the one end of the gym crawling about and 30 Army Rugby lads pissing themselves at the other!

There are more!

binners – Member
I’ve identified with my feminine side …

If I had a feminine side I’d be too busy having a good time with it to be posting pics of kittens. 🙂

As a 10 yr old riding up our street on my new racer, checking out the new 10 speed gears (2 x 5), hit a brand new (original type)parked mini and went OTB.
Me and bike were fine – mini repairs cost over £300. My folks were very understanding! 😳

Original minis only cost about £500, how fast were you going?

Original minis only cost about £500, how fast were you going?

This was early 80s – fast enough to warrant a new wing and door skin + metallic paint.