I literally don’t mind someone saying “He’s a bit lastminute dot com” to describe someone who’s always underprepared.

I literally couldn’t give a toss about any of this.

You’d be useless on Shrove Tuesday.

Brought instead of bought.

As in: I brought a new pair of shoes.

I really hate it when people say “what do you know”?

I literally couldn’t give a toss about any of this.

I am also finding this very hard to masturbate to.

anything written in comic sans.

Like, totally.

phrases that literally make me loose my shit:

ya get me
speaking as a mother
get out my garden you perv
who are you and why are you throwing balls at my children
boils my piss
rik

People who don’t know the difference between “loose” and “lose”.

If I had my guns to hand….

Couple of three years ago….. AGHHHHHHH!

Pound instead of pounds “it cost me 50 pound”….AGHHHHHHHH!

people who say “is it” a lot.

“Take the third road on the left”

“is it”

“is what? you retard!!”

😈

muahahah sorry flashy, it had to be done.

people who say ‘lol’

“Going forward”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs through meeting room wall*

Also, anything that is used by people like my sister such as “maxi jelz” (very jealous). Shut up shut up shut up shut up.

A verbal ‘lol’ is never a good idea.

My worst goat-retrieving phrase is the politicians’ fall-back: “Let me be absolutely clear about this.”

Gnash Gnash.

philconsequence – Member

muahahah sorry flashy, it had to be done.

EDINBURGH!

I think, since all the natives say “Embra” anyway, that’s a moot point.

‘Journey’ Whilst not actualy going anywhere.

Eye + Fork

Anyone – ANYONE – who says ‘boil my goat’ gets my piss

and

I am also finding this very hard to masturbate to.

have quite literally made me Lol.

May I nominate:
“Lol”

Edit – too slow. Howzabout “Flag up?”

lol @ Lifer!

“to be honest with you….”

as opposed to?

lol

teamhurtmore – Member
“to be honest with you….”

as opposed to?

“to be fair”

This hs been doing the rounds for a while but there’s a few that are on my list;

not three bad !!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and…

“I’m not being funny…”

Dude, let your audience be your judge.

Chill axing. Pass me my Machine gun.
Actually anybody that says chilling, as in “I am going to stay in and chill tonight” Die die die!!!!!!

the incorrect and over-use of ‘myself’ and ‘yourself/ yourselves’ when they mean ‘me’ or ‘you’

smacks of Barbara from accounts payable trying to sound prufeshunal.

“Addicting”

I will end you and all that you love.

Rocked up, as in; we rocked up to the bar
Were you playing guitars or were you just walking you silly beggar?

Literally, “for the win.” Less literally – I have decided who came first in this imagined contest.

“Hi, how are you?”

“Not bad, yourself?”

Acceptable or not?

“Not bad, yourself?”

Acceptable or not?

Not unless you have shuriken and are prepared to use them…

An ‘ideas shower’ was introduced to me at a meeting populated with people who clearly were convinced that The Office was a management training video. I’m sure the thud of my head on the table must have been audible somewhere along way away that’s really loud but whose name escapes me because of the throbbing of my forehead,

Staff in banks love it, hasn’t bothered me before but now I know I should be getting apoplectic I’ll take the kendo stick in with me next time.

“Not bad, yourself?”

KAPOOOOOOOOW

It’s a Barclays, before anyone worries.

I have an irrational hatred of anyone who refers to their child as “baby”; as in “We can’t meet up tonight as baby is not well”. You stupid feckers deliberated about it’s bloody name for months and bored me to distraction – at least call the poor little sod by it now you twunt! For the sake of some grammatical sanity chuck a “the” or “our” in beforehand at the very least.

‘Take a pew’

Ok, so where’s the nearest church Richard Cranium?

Some prisoners have a habit of starting a sentence with, ‘are you listening’? They should bring back capital punishment just for that.

Use of the present tense when narrating something which happened ages ago.

‘So in the 10 years before he becomes champion he’s climbing through the junior ranks…’

Even the BBC do it 😯

<Do I get the prize for becoming like my Dad?>

returning to the OP – I like writing “thanking you” as it makes me smile when I remember someone daft who used to say it a lot

I like to imagine it being said with a fully pronounced G too

Of course my usage will, literally, skyrocket henceforth