Dropped Jr off at school this morning and one of his classmates (little turd that for some reason Jr hangs out with) tells me Jr was (deservedly) in the shit yesterday for something he did in class. I was away yesterday so Mrs S picked him up from school and obviously hadn’t found out about it.

I had to take Jr to one side and give him a telling off (too serious to let it slide) but I don’t like the idea that it’s as a result of his classmate dobbing him in to me. I imagine the little shit thought he was cock of the walk for it too, although I did tell him I didn’t like telltales.

How do you lot deal with similar?

I ignore them or tell them the old adage “No one likes a tell tale tit” I certainly don’t give my kids wrong as that’s what the TTT wants.

Why do we have a report post button then Drac and mark asks us to report stuff in the sticky if it is wrong ?

It is one of those shades of grey things where it all depends on the situation whether you tell or not. Its never easy explaining to kids [ or STW] the stuff where it depends
IMHO if you were complicit in it and involved you do not tell. If you witnessed and took no part it is ok to tell

Its not easy to teach that to kids but I reckon you did what most of us would have done in that situation tell them both off basically.

2 sides to this

1 why is it a friend telling you not the school if its so serious?

2 why are you annoyed at another kid for telling you when your boy has done something wrong if its serious, we tell our kids there is no need to be a ‘snitch’ unless it could have serious consequences, someone gets hurt etc. Maybe the other kid has similar guide lines and thought this was important enough to tell?

1) The school knew – he was sanctioned in class yesterday. He just didnt tell his mum last night, or me this morning for that matter until he was confronted with it after shit had dobbed him in to me.

2) Im annoyed because the shit evidently enjoyed dobbing my boy in to me.

So its the delivery of the information, not the consequences of it you are annoyed at? three words life’s too short……

If my kids tell on each other, then I tell them off for doing so.

I then, without the one who told knowing, go and speak to the one who has misbehaved – ensuring they do not know that they have had their desired result.

if a kid at school told on one of mine, I’d probably ignore it in the first instance, and talk to them after.

My monsters are 4/7/9, for reference.

Difficult. If either of ours tries to land the other in the shit by telling tales, they end up with the bollocking – although depending on the seriousness of the allegation we may have a discussion about it with the accused later – very rarely though.
As its hard to know the ins and outs of what goes on at the school – and some of the kids really are little bastards, we tend not to get involved unless they own up to something themselves or (and this has yet to happen), the school lets us know.
You have to trust the school to take that line though, and its a bit touch and go with that at the moment tbh.
No easy answers really.

Why do we have a report post button then Drac and mark asks us to report stuff in the sticky if it is wrong ?

Ermmm! We’re talking about kids on this thread not the forum.

He just didnt tell his mum last night, or me this morning for that matter until he was confronted with it after shit had dobbed him in to me.

Good on him. I wouldn’t have either. 🙂

On the tell-tales front, my mum (spent around 20 years of her 40ish year career teaching 7/8/9 year olds) maintains that she never actioned punishment on a child as a result of a tell tale. She hated tell tales (not the child, more the action) and the kids in her class soon learned not to bother. Obviously, she’d keep an eye on any kid subject to lots of tales. I’d assume that if the school thought there was anything worth talking to you about, they would. Little shite though – Stoner Jr will soon learn who to hang out with and who not to. Bit painful I guess when you see they’re friends with one you don’t like but you can only hope they’ll learn in time.

Ermmm! We’re talking about kids on this thread not the forum.

Same thing, you’re just encouraging grassing, which we all know is just plain wrong..

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG51Z_RLwT0[/video]

Im annoyed because

… a little kid who probably knows full well I don’t like him has got one over on me and now has got a smug little smile on his face and we both know I can’t do a damn thing about it. 🙂

2) Im annoyed because the shit evidently enjoyed dobbing my boy in to me.

I think the error you made was responding to the snitching in front of the snitchee – he knows he’s got your boy into trouble again so he wins.

You should have said thank you, I know all about it then waited until after school today to speak to your boy about it.

Slightly different, but a girl my girls are at school with (similarly a little shit) came over to me last week when I was with my girls to proudly tell me that ‘your girls don’t speak properly, they make up words and all the girls laugh at them’.

After immediately wanting to get angry about it, I took a deep breath, thought about it and decided to sit down with the three of them and ask the little shit whether she could understand what my girls say, to which she said yes, then went on to explain that if she could understand them, they couldn’t be speaking another language could they?

So basically what I am saying is that perhaps you should have taken a step back and thought a little more before the action.

Did you tell your boy who dobbed him in it?

He was properly told off at school. If the school thought you should know, they would have told you.

In your situation, I would have spoken to him at home later. By telling him off the way you did I would be concerned I’d given his nasty mate some useful ammunition.

he was there when little shit dobbed.

Anyway, Jr is back from skool.
Contrite isnt the word for it. I’ll milk this a little longer, maybe get a few household chores out of him while he’s desperately trying to earn forgiveness and then crumble and let him off like the middle-class, wet-cardigan’d, limp-wristed, liberal that I am 😉

Got to ‘tell tales’ on stuff like bullying.

Why do you listen to some kids instead of your own?

As above the school has done their job so there is no need to put more pressure on him, unless you know similar incident happens again.

Sometimes it’s better to let things be and tell the other little boy that it is not good to “back-stab” someone else because he will grow up to be a bad stabber and will get his head kick in.

Same thing, you’re just encouraging grassing, which we all know is just plain wrong..

Are you 12 years old?

Now taking Stoner to one side to tell him off … 😆

Bad Stoner! Bad Stoner!

Didn’t you ever do something at school you didn’t want to tell your parents and/or they never found out? Ignore the telltale it’s really not worth letting a child wind you up.

I had to take Jr to one side and give him a telling off

And that’s the key part. You can still administer the ticking off, so long as it is away from Little Shit(™) (and so long as you made it clear to Stoner Jr why you were doing it that way). You could also lay it on thick with the “it’ll be worse if you don’t fess up straight away”.

And telling Little Shit(™) he’s a telltale is then perfectly fine.

although I did tell him I didn’t like telltales.

Now this I don’t get. Why is telling tales / snitching / grassing so bad? If a kid is being in some way mistreated at school, should they not talk to someone about it? What if they knew another student was stealing things?

Children need to learn right from wrong – and I think it’s reasonable for kids to notice and point out wrongdoing by other children. We adults should then be able to filter this information and act on it (or not) as appropriate.

Leave omertà to the mafia.

Leave omertà to the mafia.

You’ve met his headmistress I see.

Markie makes a good point though. If I saw another policeman doing something wrong, should I ‘tell tales’, or would that make me a little big shit? Whistleblowers in other lines of work? We see time and time again that adults can struggle to know when it’s appropriate to speak up or not, so can hardly expect small kids to know.

Only one way to deal with tell tales

Markie – Member

Now this I don’t get. Why is telling tales / snitching / grassing so bad? If a kid is being in some way mistreated at school, should they not talk to someone about it? What if they knew another student was stealing things?

The timing is not right. i.e. if Stoner’s kid has been “punished” then the matter should be closed. There is no need to continue punishing the boy if the school has already done so. Stoner can only reinforce the right from wrong by explaining the reasons for the punishment or telling off.

Children need to learn right from wrong – and I think it’s reasonable for kids to notice and point out wrongdoing by other children. We adults should then be able to filter this information and act on it (or not) as appropriate.

Yes, they do need to learn which I agree. But the fact that the kid simply reported the matter again without understanding his own action actually put himself into a sticky situation if the person he spoke to was not Stoner. The kid should be explained the proper way of reporting.

🙂

I suppose it depends on whether you’re confident your child would kick lumps out of said shit in PE that day. If yes then all is good, if not then it could be bullying and next time ignore it till your son gets home.

Now this I don’t get. Why is telling tales / snitching / grassing so bad?

I’m glad it’s not just me. What did TLS do wrong? His motives might be mmorally questionable (essentially, schadenfreude), but I’m not seeing how his actions were?

(IANAparent)