anagallis_arvensis – Member

I’m not sure I have enough time to buy a gold fish keep it then kill it

You don’t have to keep the fish for very long… 😉

My youngest was 5 when his grandad died of lung cancer it’s difficult and I sympathise. We’re non believers and I told him that grandad had died, just like the goldfish. He got that immediately and was sad but understood, I think being straight with kids is important even at 4. And no he didn’t ask if we flushed him. I’d suggest you try and be as clear as possible and don’t coat it in sugar it’s shit but he will get over it.

I told my kids exactly what happens when you die, why bother trying to make a big deal about it. They were about 4-5 years old when pets/relatives passed on for the first time.

I’m not sure I have enough time to buy a gold fish keep it then kill it

Turns out I would have had time to get a goldfish. Stubburn old git is still with us!!

So sorry to hear about your father

Goodnight Mog is a useful option in this case, it describes how Mog is elderly and aware of the end.

FWIW the nursery our 4yo goes to had guinea pigs, she knows a little about how they don’t last forever and even at the age of 3 she knew that the pig was ‘up in the sky’ and I was ok with this explanation, even if you think a vague approximation of heaven isn’t the best choice it’s better to start the conversation and update the explanation as they grow and are capable of the more complex themes

http://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/feb/05/top-10-childrens-books-on-death-bereavement-holly-webb

Nothing to add other than best wishes. Tough times.

We’ve got a 4-year-old, and a few people have died*. We just explained that so-and-so died and wasn’t here any more, but they were still in our memories. It’s okay to feel sad, but we should also feel happy that we had the chance to know them.

*though she went on about the cat dying more than the humans.

When my Dad died the kids were pretty unmoved, they were frightened over how upset I was though.

This.

I actually remember when my first grandparent died. It didn’t upset me at all. I was freaked out by the effect it had on my parents though.

I think it’s this you need to focus on – what emotions do you want to show in front of your children, and how will you explain those to them. At the age of 4 parents are still the centre of their world, and they take all their emotional clues as to whether the world is a happy place or a terrible place from you. They need reassuring that you’re not going to become an emotional basket case and that life will continue on as before, albeit without one member of the extended family circle.

My Dad passed away just over a week ago unexpectedly and was faced with telling my nearly 4yr old son. We told him grandad was poorly as he was in the car when my wife dropped me at the hospital. After my dad had gone we told him grandad has died and gone to live with the Angels in the sky. It seems to have worked but I think kids are better at understanding than we think they will be. Hope it all goes well.

Looks like its time to put the ideas into practice.

Sorry to hear that.

Puts my self-indulgent tale of woe into some context. 😕

Actually I just read your post..its shit when work is not good.

Dad going is a relief in the end. He went peacefully at home he’d been clinging on too long.

Sad face. But it’ll be a relief too, I hope.

Good luck for the days and weeks to come.

I understand the conflicting emotions, went through it with grandparents and again with my aunt earlier this year.

Sorry to hear the news a_a. Hope he didn’t suffer too much and I’m sure you’ll find a way to talk to your lad about it.

Sorry about your dad OP.

Being confirmed atheists, when great granny died we took the ‘natural recycling’ approach to explaining it to our 5 year old. Something along the lines of all the atoms in your body came from the ground, the air, the sea, and eventually they have to go back, and will be used to make other people, animals, plants etc in the future. Seemed to work. Although it led to a bunch of searching questions like ‘so were you a tree before you were alive daddy?’.