… "…walks into a bar" jokes.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. Barman says: "Why the long face?"

Boom, er, boom…

Man walks intoa bar with a frog growing out of his head

"Good God!" says the barman, "What happened there?

"Well, it started as a boil on my arse" replies the frog……

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "why the long face"

"it's because the critics didn't like Sex in the City 2" she replied

A man walks into a bar as says Ow!

BigBikeBash walks into a bar and messes up the punchline

DezB – Member
BigBikeBash walks into a bar and messes up the punchline

I'm sure it was an accident…

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.

I'm sure it was an accident..

A classy one?

DezB – Member
I'm sure it was an accident..

A classy one?

Ooooohhh…. Global.

A man walks into a bar and says "Hello there, may I have six shots of jaegermeister, please?" The barman say "Certainly sir, you celebrating something?" The man says "Yes, actually, my first blowjob!" "Well, in that case, let me offer you a seventh shot on the house!" The man says "Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

Dyslexic man walks into a bra…….

Roast dinner walks into a bar. "Pint please landlord!" "Sorry," the landlord says, "we don't serve food."

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. Barman says, "Is this some kind of joke."

Two chinese men walk into a bar. Barman says, 'why the same face?'.

William Shakespeare walks into a bar & the barman says 'I'm not serving you, your'e bard.

Granite walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me a drink, cause I'm well hard", so the bartender gives him a drink.

Concrete then walks into the bar and says to the bartender, "Give me a drink, cause I'm well hard", so the bartender gives him a drink.

Red Tarmac then walks into the bar and says to the bartender, "Give me a drink, cause I'm well hard", so the bartender gives him a drink.

Red Tarmac sits down next to Granite and Concrete, and they both edge away from him. Red Tarmac says, "What's wrong guys? I'm well hard like you two."

"We may be hard, but you're a f**king cycle path."

A man walked into a bar.
Not a joke, he just didn't see it.

A man walked into a bar with salmon under his arm.
Do you serve fishcakes? he asked the barman.
Sorry sir, we don't.
Aww, but it's his birthday.

Guy walks into a bar. Orders a drink and notices that there's a load of meat hanging up on hooks over the bar.

He asks the barman, "what's the deal with the meat?"

"Well," says the barman, "it's a local challenge. If you can take a running jump and snatch down one of these cuts of meat, you get a free drink from everyone in the bar. However, if you accept the challenge and fail, you've got to buy everyone here a drink."

The guy looks around at the crowded bar, then up and the meat which is hanging a good twelve feet in the air. Around at the bar, up at the meat…

"So what do you reckon, squire?" asks the barman, "Fancy your chances?"

"No way," replies the bloke, "the steaks are too high."

Man walks into the bar and there is a sign saying….

Hand jobs £10.00
Cheese sandwiches £2.00

Calls the bar lady over and says "excuse me, do you give the hand jobs personally?"

"yes" she replies

"Well wash your hands, I'd like a cheese sandwich please"

A panda walks into a bar and says 'A pint of

beer please.'

'Certainly,' says the Landlord,
'Buts wots with the big paws'

A white horse walks into a bar,

The barman says "here, we've got a whisky named after you!"

The horse replies, "what, you've got a whisky called Gerald?"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says,
A pint of lager and a mop please

a piece of string walks into a bar and says,do you serve drinks to string?
Barman says "frayed knot."

Ghost walks into a bar, barman says "sorry, we don't serve spirits."