after 15 wonderfull close great years, no kids, no financial arguments/worries my wife left last weekend, my best friend , my riding mtb partner , the one person in the world i would die for has left and said she is never ever coming back,coming home to a empty big house and cooking for one, sleeping on my own is killing me, how do people get through this??
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tell me it will get better, wife has gone
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Posted 2 years ago #
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It will get better.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Jeez mate, so sorry to hear that,just don't know what to say.Almost always down the shop if you want to talk, hope it all sorts itself out.
Posted 2 years ago # -
why??
Posted 2 years ago # -
No idea, but I feel for you.
Lets hope you pull off a happy ending.I'm sure the collective can offer beer & sympathy in your area if you want it, so just ask.
Time will heal all, so they say...Cheers.
Posted 2 years ago # -
It will get better, not as quickly as you might hope or fear, but quicker than it feels like it will right now.
Posted 2 years ago # -
get angry mate tis the only time in your life that it will be usefull.
dont mean duff her up or owt mind just that its the first step.Posted 2 years ago # -
As said before it will get better. In the short term try and fill your time with something, riding, going for a drink with a few friends, just something other than sitting at home on your own. Feel for you fella it is hard, all will come well with time.
Posted 2 years ago # -
My indirect experience - yes, it will get better but there's no doubt it'll be bad first
Value your mates and your family, and use them - they'll want to help
Posted 2 years ago # -
Time is the best healer, but distraction is what you need right now.
Posted 2 years ago # -
dont know why huge levels of stress at her work last 9 months she has a high powered job,caused some home stress, i have been ill for 12 months with damaged spine just geting slowly better every week,trying for a kid for 18 months puts a strain on a relationship, but other than that she just dont like me any more and wants a divorce, now right away no councelling no trial seperation, divorce now right now, really unexpected thought we has happy all the people i tell nearly collapse as they thought we had a good marriage, life sucks at the mo
cheers coatsey i will pop in some time, i have a lot of time on my hands now
Posted 2 years ago # -
I remember feeling as you describe after coming out of a ten year relationship. It does get better, make the most of any opportunities in the next stage of your life.
It is hard now, as said keep busy and just think of all the other people that must be going through this too - they'll survive ok and so will you.
All the best.
Posted 2 years ago # -
you will find your good friends at this time and things will take a long time to settle down, but it will get better and then outof the blue and totally unexpectedly you will meet someone who will be your new partner it is a very common thing to happen, just try not to let it get you down and if it does seek out your good friends
Posted 2 years ago # -
facebook and pornhub are your friends
Posted 2 years ago # -
6 weeks into divorce/seperation with kids involved it does get better /easier..people change they stop loving you it is upsetting but you cant change that. Deal with it is a new life for you now which is both a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. Chin up fella
Posted 2 years ago # -
sorry to read that dude. have had similar experience when after 16 years together and 10 years of marriage my ex wife decided out of the blue she didn't want to be with me any more. she was my best friend and the one person i trusted more than anyone. it is f*****g hard, but trust me it WILL get better. It might take a while but it will. As other replies have said speak to friends and relatives, for gods sake don't bottle it up. get out riding drinking (not too excessively) whatever. I used to come home to ex and three beautiful kids. Now come home to just me too (i do see the kids tho) and it is hard to adjust, but you will get there. Again as others have said, take advantage of any new possibilities. When my mum left my dad he was told that we travel through life walking backwards. If you imagine an event like this as passing through a doorway, the further you walk, the more distant it becomes. It may sound a bit weird, but it helped him and me. Hope it helps you.
Posted 2 years ago # -
As everyone as said, it will take time, but it will get better, but could getter harder first. Keep your friends close- you'll need someone to talk/confide in. Dont bottle your feelings up!
But reading your post, is it really over or just the missus haveing a bit of a crisis with work etc. and hitting out at you?
Anyway pal chin up, look after yourself, there's plenty of good people on here to help/talk to etc (if youve no real friends
)despite all the bitching and argueing!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Don't worry mate. I'm sure things will get easier for you. When bad stuff happens to me I just say 's**t happens' and try not to feel sorry for myself. If I were in your position I would really want to talk to her and get to the bottom of it all though. Chin up.
Posted 2 years ago # -
On the bright side, at least you'll have time to ride more...
Posted 2 years ago # -
Oh, and join facebook...
Posted 2 years ago # -
first, my sympathies.
secondly, you need to realise that, despite your pain, you're actually in a better place now than you were before it happened. you never really knew this person. your relationship was based on an incorrect reading of reality. people don't wake up one morning and decide to leave. it's a lengthy process, and the warning signs would have been there for you to see. if you want to avoid the same situation occurring in your future, you need to become better at listening to people and understanding what they're saying - or not saying.
so where do you go from here? well, you'll want to avoid depression. depression can kill. turn to friends and family, talk with anyone who will listen, HEAR what they say and try to follow their advice whatever it is. the key is DO something, not sit and mope. the sun will come up every day and my life goes on just fine whatever happens to you remember that. you're responsible for your own happiness. make sure you access it.
recognise this is the end of one phase of your life. grieve for its loss if you really consider losing this person to be a loss. move forwards, but learn from what you've experienced. don't tie your world too closely to one person in future. remember you have to bring something to the party too, don't rely on others for your happiness. listen to people more carefully. think about what they may be trying to say. ask them questions if you're unsure of their words - people will generally tell you the truth if you try hard enough. accept that you were partially responsible for this situation and correct your mistakes.
good luck. i wish you every happiness and success. now go earn it.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Organise a good holiday for yourself, Australia for example. 2 years for your head to clear (nearly) completely.
Posted 2 years ago # -
So sorry to hear - it is very hard. Go ride your bike and good luck.
Posted 2 years ago # -
It knocks you for six & you feel you need some answers.
At some point you'll realise that "why" is not only important but it’s completely the wrong question. It's now about moving on to a new chapter.
Being single has some major advantages and hopefully, once your spine is in better condition you can re-engage with the bike & other physical activities.
As you say, you and your life feel empty, empty home, emptiness surrounding the family that is now on hold. Things might seem a little pointless right now, but that feeling passes. In all honesty, 2 years will make the biggest difference, so plan for the long haul and make the changes necessary.
I don't have a magic wand, but it seems many men in the same position then leap into pretty much the first loving relationship that comes their way and re-marry within 2 years - this I would caution you against.
I would caution you against the booze - it's Fools Gold. Go through the home and cull everything that is hers or reminds you of her. You do not want to be stumbling over sentimental items of hers that bring memories flooding back in the weeks and months to follow. This means all the music too that reminds you of her & the times you've had together. Go the whole hog, throw out all the bed sheets & linen buy new, fresh ones, re-decorate what you can, change as much as you feel you can and want to, the car, the settee, you name it - try and get this new chapter in your life really into gear. It will also send any signal to her - "you're gone & I'm moving on now rather well, thank you for the opportunity"
Look forward & not backwards and reminisce – that’s never going to serve you now. Surround yourself with things that occupy your time effectively – time on your hands (which you have) is not a good place to be. The busier you can be, the quicker your life will move onwards; time spent dwelling over what was, what might have been and what now can not be (with her) is absolutely self defeating and you must make a conscious effort to stop yourself every time you slip into this frame of mind.
I hope this is in some way a help, but be practical and resourceful, find things to do and shed your old skin. Now is a new chapter and so adapt. Good luck.
Posted 2 years ago # -
dont forget to claim your 25% discount on your council tax
Joking aside, there is a small light at the end of the tunnel. You prob just cant see it yet. It is there though.
Posted 2 years ago # -
you lucky sod, you can have mine if you want.....
seriously though, i'll even throw in a bag of chips.
Posted 2 years ago # -
dont know why
1) huge levels of stress at her work last 9 months
2) i have been ill for 12 months
3) trying for a kid for 18 monthsMate - those are 3 VERY big stresses! Not many people would get through 9 months to a year of that sort of stuff and not be affected by it in some way.
but other than that she just dont like me any more and wants a divorce, now right away no councelling no trial seperation, divorce now right now
OK that does sound pretty terminal, but if the two of you have a bit of space each and chill out a bit this might change?
really unexpected thought we has happy all the people i tell nearly collapse as they thought we had a good marriage
When my sister left her husband after 20 years I (and the rest of my family) were totally stunned. No one knew there was anything wrong, but she was deeply unhappy.
If this really is just "meant to be", then there's lots of good advice listed in the posts above here and when you get down and out you're never gonna be alone - unless you choose to be.
Good luck dude.
Posted 2 years ago # -
If she still has yet to collect her things, take the high ground. Move all her stuff downstairs into one room. Don't be vindictive or unpleasant, cold might be the way to go. Stack things or hang them or bag them up.
She's made to feel unwelcomed in your new home. You have a cuppa, she's not offered one. No seating so she can't get comfortable. No you don't want to talk, do all correspondence by mail and never email. If he comes with her to collect the belongings, he's not to come over the threshold, she can pass things to him or he can stay in the car.
In short - take back what modicum of control you can. “Take you belongings and leave” to my mind is all you should be saying to her. Make sure there are some changes to the home that she will see.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I am sorry to hear that, you must be feeling very low. You will feel better though, so hang in there. It's probably not a good idea to rush into another relationship anytime soon, and if possible try not to become reliant on alcohol or drugs.
I have to say that I am a bit surprised that you thought nothing was wrong and it's gone from perfect (in your mind) to completely finished (in hers). Perhaps when you are on a more even keel you might want to give some thought to this? It might help assuage your feelings of abandonment if you can recognise and take some responsibility for what happened. (Unless, of course, she has been having an affair behind your back for 15 years - I know someone that that happened to).
Good luck.
x
Posted 2 years ago # -
It does get easier over time ...bu it WILL take a while.
My wife left me for someone else, and it completely cut me up. I unfortunately dropped into the bottle for 9 months, and I can tell you, it's not a good place to be.The simplest way to end it is amicably, but that takes some reconciling. You're lucky in the sense that you don't have kids to complicate the breakup, but still make sure you have a decent solicitor so that you don't end being up thrown out of your own home.
Adjust your perspective. You're single, you're allowed to be selfish, and buy the foods, drinks and house products that you like.
Also, ride as much as you can, sign-up to a couple of races, this is the perfect opportunity to be in the best shape of your life.
Posted 2 years ago # -
flatback better now than an elastoplast of a child covering a brittle relationship into the mix. Sounds mean but you need to look at it this way, you are free of any baggage or commitment. Live your life how you want to live it and please don't look over your shoulder. Sitting there moping after someone will affect your future.
Sounds weird but if mrshora wasn't happy deep down even though I was I wouldn't want her to hang around me. I would want the best for her. Same for your ex-partner. People do change, sometimes you don't see the signs.
All the best and move on
Posted 2 years ago # -
think the hardest part is getting to know yourself again, enjoying your own company. Take each day as it comes, take care of your health, your family & friends, then the rest will follow and by crimbo life will hopefully be a bit brighter inside. As others have said at least you've got a roof over your head and no money worries. Take care.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sign of the times my friend, the grass always appears greener 'til you get there.
Been there myself, only it was me that left. Did nothing for my faith in human nature and financially ruined me, but now I'm actually quite happy and have a good bunch of friends to amuse me. At the point where I would like some Lady company, so trying the Net dating game.From experience:
You will find who your REAL friends are, so return their favor.
The Man is always to blame, apparently and the reason for the break-up is rarely the stated one.
Be very wary of getting into another relationship too quickly, just let it happen (I'm still single after 3years!) Like it or not, you are vulnerable.
Quite importantly; try not to make big changes to your life style. Let things change gradually. We are creatures of habit and easily unsettled.
Bitterness is hard to avoid (I'm a terrible cynic/realist which doesn't help), but even if you find the cause/blame it won't alter your situation.
Posted 2 years ago # -
expect it to get different, not better. whether it's better is up to you. sounds like her mind is well and truly made up so get all visible traces of her out of your life. don't make any big changes for 6 months or so. decide what you want that's in your realm of control (which doesn't involve another person giving/withholding permission) and go for it. good things will arrive along the way. don't go looking for the good stuff.
Posted 2 years ago # -
well thanks very much for the advise, i have a small circle of friends and 3 or 4 who are total gems who are being a big help, many things to think about from your posts and i will take most of the suggestions on board thanks
as for the drink being a fairly skinny, ex roadie drink hasnt been my thing since my early twenties and i will avoid it
thanks for the comments going to go for a ride now and try to clear my head, feeling pretty fast as the one good thing is i have dropped a stone over the past few weeks, and look like a racing snake again!!
Posted 2 years ago #
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