so things have fallen apart in my marriage and it looks like we will be going our seperate ways. im the only one working and i dont earn a great deal.i have two lovelly kids and my ex has three but two are over 18 and one is 16, so only the one will count i guess of hers.
i recon id be paying about 200 ish pound per month.
anyhow my question is are there any pitfalls where i could get stung.im not some evil guy who doesnt want to pay a penny, far from it.but some guys i know pay some very wildly varying amount for what seem like simular circumstances.
any how any experiences or tips please.
ps. just to repeat, im not trying to pay the tinyest amount possible and screw my kids over.

sorry to hear that mate, tell us you've not moved out?

they're bastards who will tear every penny from your clenched fist, deny that they've had meetings with you, lose letters you've sent them, ignore anything your ex tells them about you/finances and pursue you through eleven levels of Hades.

happy to help

yep i know there admin is non existent.im hoping we could just sort something out amicably and not get them involved.i havent moved out as i cant afford it.wish i could tho.dont want to be around her at all now.

why is it so bad if i did? what if i went to live on a mates sofa for a couple of weeks but still kept the money coming into the house?

i left and did exactly that lived on mates settee etc and we agreed an amount to make sure all expenses were paid and everyone fed and watered until our divorce was finalised, longer term as part of the divorce settlement we agreed on a monthly figure and a % increase per year based on the annual RPI index

We agreed on 20% of gross income less tax/ni for our 2 children and that was 6 years ago and inline with the CSA website at that time, we were both determinded to pay both the solicitors as little as possible and to keep the CSA out of our business

Good luck and keep talking as much as possible

binding arbitration is available if you are both being reasonable and its a lot cheaper than letting solicitors fight it out

As above try to keep it amicable and the csa out. Best solution.

Stop doing any overtime immediately until the csa have sorted any payments, then do as much as you want.
Never, ever, give the ex cash, keep it all traceable(standing orders/ bank transfers) to show the csa.
If you do sleep on a mates sofa get a rent book etc.(for show) to show your living expenses. Informal arrangements aren't acknowledged.
Keep all receipts, fuel/bus/train tickets when you go to meet the kids, and for anything like school uniforms/school trips that you pay for.

They'll re-evaluate your circumstances every two years. They'll demand to know what any future partners you live with earn, cheeky b*stards tried it with me saying my girlfriend could support me. If you don't know you can't tell them so that avenue was cut off for them to extort more money out of me. To this day, i still don't know what the, now wife earns although i have a ball park figure which i'm keeping to myself. 😉

I hate the csa with a passion after the trouble/stress they gave me, but for some reason they have'nt been in touch with me for about 5 years. I'm not about to chase them up though and my ex hasn't come "cap in hand" so all status quo here at the moment.
That said, i'll bet i get a letter from them in the next week. 🙄

The problem you'll have is that (I believe) the CSA will get involved due to the benefits your ex-wife will be claiming. As long as she realises that the best course of action is to correctly fill in all forms with your actual income (and you have to honest here too), you'll end up paying the 'accepted' amount.

I remember your original post and it's obviously unfortunate that you could not work things out.

I have no experience of the CSA (my kids were adults when my marriage broke down) but my instinct would be to avoid like the plague.

You need to be able to communicate in a civil manner with your ex for a good number of years and biting your tongue is a necessity. Try very hard to reach agreement and remember that solicitors fees rack up very quickly.

Would think very carefully about moving out just now, perhaps be best to wait you have an agreement.

Also, as I have found out, you never know what's around the corner so maintaining a non-judgemental and dignified persona will help.

they're bastards who will tear every penny from your clenched fist, deny that they've had meetings with you, lose letters you've sent them, ignore anything your ex tells them about you/finances and pursue you through eleven levels of Hades.

+1!

pay them by standing order -never, never, never, never,never, NEVER EVER let them take a direct debit, they'll demand and pressure you for it, but stand your ground, refuse and tell them standing order – if you give them DD they'll **** it up and take random amounts from your account – they even tried to reinstate a dd on an old (almost empty) bank account of mine, two years on the trot, even though I was paying them from another one.

make sure you see your kids for overnight stays, this pushes down the assessment and lets you spend money on them yourself, nothing worse than not able to afford to do activities with the kids when you know mums spending it on holiday for her and new boyfriend while you babysit 👿

Mark my words, minimising the amount you pay your ex is not wrong as long as you yourself spend that money or more on them, the system is created under the assumption that all blokes are bastards and have nothing to do with their kids, the more involved you are, the more you lose out under the CSA scheme, those of us who are involved spend money on clothing and looking after the kids that the CSA scheme does not take into account </rant>

Don't answer your phone to unknown or 0845 numbers – the assessment can only start from the date they officially contact you,either by phone or sending you an MAF (sending means posting it to your current or last known address, not you actually receiving it, note – this must be correctly addressed for it to have been "sent" – does your ex have your current postal address? If not then CSA will have to trace you through other means… are you employed or self employed?

thatnjs CG. i have found out more lies are going on behind my back whilst she has been all "amicable" and smilie with me.still been in contact with the guy my text tho.she wants her cake and to eat it, while i wait in the side lines to be there for her to come back to if she fancies.sod that. i now want a deff end to it. it will be hard and it will hurt to start with.
she doesnt work so will need benefites so yes csa may get involded.
i just dont want to say or do anything daft that could trip me up and then they start to cane me and i wont me able to change it.
agree about the DD. her older kids were like that and they used to screw up all the time.you could never count on any money being there untill you had spent it.