• This topic has 20 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by tang.
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  • Supporting your child through eating disorder recovery
  • tang
    Free Member

    Just starting the journey to recovery with the help of the excellent NHS, taken a bit of time to get here, but we’re here. It’s heartbreaking. Any experience from a parental perspective?

    Cougar
    Full Member

    http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/3-year-old-eating-issues-how-to-get-more-healthy-food-in

    There was an adult perspective thread also, but I can’t lay my hands on it immediately.

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    tang
    Free Member

    Thanks, child has just turned 18, its serious. I’m not keen to divulge too much there. It’s more advice or experience from parents supporting the process.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    Hm, might help to at least nudge us to the nature of the disorder. There’s a world of difference between ‘picky’ eating and bulemia.

    tang
    Free Member

    Restrictive plus bulimia.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    The link up there might help with the former.

    I’ve minimal experience with the latter. I’d lean towards lashings of compliments (“hey, you look awesome today!”) and banning fashion magazines, but IANAparent.

    tang
    Free Member

    it’s a bit more complex than that I’m afraid. I’m really reaching out if anyone has had to support their child through the day therapy (5 days a week) at a eating disorder clinic.

    davidtaylforth
    Free Member

    Hypnotherapy or CBT or similar. It’s a deeply ingrained mental health problem. I guess full recovery is possible, although I know women who say they’ve recovered, but they’re still really thin.

    tang
    Free Member

    Cbt is on plus all meals at the clinic. It’s pretty intense.

    davidtaylforth
    Free Member

    Shit, sounds like it. Hope it all works out. Not sure what you can do as a parent, sounds like all the important recovery stuff is being done for you. Just act normal? Don##t stress him/her out.

    Esme
    Free Member

    Mumsnet has a sub-forum on Eating Disorders, which might be worth a browse.
    (You’d be welcome to join too, so long as you make it plain you’re a dad not a mum.)

    midlifecrashes
    Full Member

    Not quite what you’re going through. My eldest (20)stopped eating, drinking and speaking after an unusual side effect to an antidepressant damaged her throat. Hospitalisation was necessary and she’s at home now 8 months later still recovering slowly and needing a lot of support. The stress of it all has affected us all at home quite badly.

    Take support from outside whenever it’s offered, and don’t be shy about asking for it when it isn’t. You will feel you need to keep pouring your emotional energy into this(and rightly so) but you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup, so try to do as much as you can of the things that make you recharge, ride your bike, walk the dog, music, read, whatever.

    Look up the letters IAPT and your town name, and it should point you at a walk in or contact centre who can hook you up with some carers and or CBT type support to help you through. Best wishes and PM me if you like.

    tang
    Free Member

    We have 3 kids and we’ve been through many a medical crisis, but self harm is so distressing. The cold reason of the logic of the sufferer, despite the fact they’re pretty much starving themselves to death is awful.
    I did suffer from severe anxiety some years ago and can empathise with the all consuming torture these things are in acute circumstances.
    Anyways, the door is open to wanting recovery (the future is full of so many great things that require it) and the team we met today are lovely.
    I will check mumsnet and midlife thanks for that, great advice.

    Cougar
    Full Member

    I can’t help further, but I feel for you and wish you every success.

    ratcatcher
    Full Member

    Tang have daughter with anorexia 6years plus limited advise as it seems to have no right solution only hope is less degree of wrong ! The change from adolescent care to adult has been shaky to say the least (herts) my email in profile if you would like ,good luck look after the rest of life too ,its tough.:(

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    Sorry, I have no help to offer – but just wanted to say I’m thinking of you Tang and your family.

    julianwilson
    Free Member

    Bloody hell Tang that sounds tough. Speaking as someone who doesn’t have ed in his family but very much does this (<18’s though) for a day job. As someone that works in a children’s service that is too small to run a viable ‘day patient’ program I am impressed she is getting that plus individual therapy -hopefully they should also therefore be a large enough service to have worked out the best therapeutic model for her rather than just firing the same one at every patient because that’s all they do. CBT is very much NICE- approved for both anorexia and bulimia in 18’s and over by the way.

    I am guessing your local service has pointed you to a Beat parents/carers group already. They may also run one themselves.
    Beat have a forum of sorts (more of a live chat which is heavily moderated I think) through their website too which I suppose puts you in contact with parents all over uk. Like this one: Dads peer support group

    My day job is hard and complex but at least I get to go home at 5 (well, 5.30, 6,30 etc…) – I know that the mum/dad part of treatment and recovery is way way harder.

    So big respect for being part of this. There will be dads that have found it pretty straightforward and others that are completely destroyed by the experience, YMMV and all that.

    but I suppose the best advice that the dads I see in family therapy would give you is not to let the illness come between your daughter and you, or you and her mum, (or you and her therapist!!) -you still have a daughter in there, but you will probably all need to do things a bit differently for a while. Bestest wishes! J.

    tang
    Free Member

    Thanks Julian that’s really useful.

    andyecc
    Free Member

    Don’t want to post up many details on a public forum but have been through something similar with anorexia in our family. It was an utterly horrible experience for all of us.
    But after a very long and unpleasant 18 months we got there and all is now good. Don’t know if my experience is any help to you but it felt hopeless and I felt totally useless for many months. Despite that, we stuck with the program and got there in the end.
    It can be a long tough journey but with the right support and lots of time there is light at the end of that tunnel. Hang in there.
    Wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery.

    tang
    Free Member

    Thanks Andy. Its hard, and its not the first time I have had to deal with a mental health crisis in my own family unit Im afraid. And its my line of work too…
    Without saying too much, really positive steps today. so much to look forward to luckily, which the ED will scupper if not addressed. There’s real incentive there, and thankfully some acceptance of the time frame involved.

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