How long is the power going to be off for?

I’m stood at the doors of a substation with the keys in my hand, the guys watched me get out of the car three seconds ago.

Lots of similar questions and stories about how their world is about to end because they’ve not had telly for half an hour.

Stop and think about it. You want the power back on, I want to go home. Do you really think I’m dragging my feet, wasting time? I’d quite like to get your power back on and bugger off home. I could do that a lot quicker without playing twenty questions first.

“Why’s that hole so deep?”
Because I just thought I’d dig it a metre too deep for the laugh 🙄

helping someone to do a cv

After a long list of inane questions i got this

Them : “what does education mean?”
Me: ” just leave it blank”

I bet you get asked this all the time

Why can’t I see to drive in my reading glasses?

Why cant I read with my TV glasses?

One of my previous roles had me selling ingredients to inks and coatings manufacturers, and one of the key products was a UV light curable additive that had a melting point of 27C. So as a result it was in most cases a solid, and needed to be melted before it could be used.

The number of times I was asked ‘ we really like the performance of your product, but can you supply it as a liquid at room temperature?’

It was a tossup to tell them yes, as long as they had the ability to make their room warmer, or no, because

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vxHkAQRQUQ[/video]

When drilling, have you found any gold/diamonds/oil yet?

Er no. Just lots of clay normally!

Boarding a boat

“And this is me without a drink”….

I can’t find a drawing…

Has anyone seen the invisible tape?

At work whenever we get a copper tube delivery (usually worth between £4-6k) there’s always one smartarse that just got into the car park and says “Just put it straight in the back of my van”.

The other stupid question is usually accompanied by something wet and of various different degrees of smelliness wrapped in a plastic bag and is “Have you got one of these?” I once had a bloke bring in a bit of clay soil pipe that he’d broken while digging up his garden path, he wanted a new bit. I asked him to leave, the old bit of soil pipe was in a washing up bowl with some interesting looking water and had bits of poo and bog roll still stuck to the inside. He was touching it with bare hands.

“Do you do weddings?”
No.
“You must be one of them paparazzi then”
NO.
😯

People are surrounded by advertising/design imagery, bombarded by billboards and direct mail, packaging, websites, editorial and newspaper/magazine advertising. Yet the idea that somebody makes a living supplying those images is an alien concept.

I’ve often been asked “Who do you work for” as its blazoned across our clothing and vans.

Or the “You work for Anglian Water” No they were Anglia Water about 20 years ago mate.

MrSmith, one of the main employers in my wife’s home town is a giant print works that produces all those crappy flyers and special offer brochures you get falling out of papers and things for most of the Mid West. Massive industry moving trees into landfill, and as you say people just don’t think of it.

I’m an electrician (of sorts) and spend most days with my head stuck in electrical control panels carrying out modifications etc…
Not a problem usually however as soon as I’m on site in the epicentre of comedy that is Liverpool if I hear ” looks like you’ve got you’re wires crossed there la” once I’ll hear it twenty times! Oh how I laugh.

I know a lot of model makers/set builders and home economists* and they usually say they do something else as it’s easier than trying to explain.

* people who prepare food or ingredients for TV commercials and advertising, it’s not the same as being a chef, it’s a totally different skillset.

Student: can I have a bnc connector ?
Technician(me): would you like a male or female connector ?
Student: don’t know, what’s the difference ?
Technician: Go and ask your girlfriend !

Can we make the logo bigger?

You just copy and paste, don’t you?

Graphic Designer

Can we make the logo bigger?

Brilliant!

Not my work any more because my boss asked me this silly question:

” can you change the report so it looks more like XXXX’s fault so we can sack him?”

My answer:

” Yes of course, write down how you’d like me to change it and put it on an email to me”

The email never turned up by the way.

Me, standing checking ID’s at a heavily guarded military establishment, weapons, barriers, barbed wire, razor wire, jet fighter gate gaurdian, CCTV, uniforms etc.

Family pulls up, window opens ……. “Is this Centreparcs?”

Or …… Courier pulls up ” got a deliver for a Mr J Brown, @ this establishment” followed by the half expected disgruntled response once I’ve explained there are thousands of personell on base and I’ve not got a clue unless he can give me a little more to go on!

What do you teach?

CHILDREN!!!!!

Me ? Techie to some 400 undergrad and msc students.

“I bet loads of people refer to you as the Rent Boy” Fnarr Fnarr

Ha **** ha!

is that phone working why dont you put steel windows in it why dont you electrify it

Oh you work there?
1- do you get a company car?
2- do you know xyz? (One of potentially 11,999 other people at our place

I work for the same company 🙁
Those questions are spot on

An old school bike shop one for you from about 1993

Customer after more or less deciding to buy a kona explosive

“Can you fit a proflex to that ? ”

😕

Er well no cos that’s sort of another bike altogether to be honest.

so, selling bonsai trees

I often get asked “are they easy to kill”

to which the reply is, “yeah dead easy if you try hard enough”, but the idea is to keep them alive

along with being called Mr Miyagi all day long, and smiling as if you have never heard it before

Wax on wax off

There are no stupid questions.
.
.
Just stupid people,asking questions.

thekingisdead – Member
I work for the same company
Those questions are spot on

oooh, do you know Pook ?

‘You mean it has a vapour? I thought it was just a smell’.

and –

‘There wasn’t any pollution! it just all leaked into the ground so that’s OK isn’t it?’

We accidentally applied 3 times the maximum load to this and it bent, can we still use the un-bent bits for flight test?

Or

A customer returned this part as it has a dent in it. We have no idea what happened to it, but is it OK for flight?

Errr…

Yesterday a customer dropped a few items off for repair. I ask for a phone number as I’m writing out the job card next to her and she replies with ‘will they be ready by lunchtime?’ instead of giving me her number. I reply, ‘well they are booked in for today but we’re not sure if it’ll be late morning or early afternoon by the time we finish them.. what we normally do is call as soon as the job is finished, so what’s your number so I can call you?’ (thinking that its rapidly heading towards mid afternoon before the jobs are finished at this rate) She replies with, ‘Well I’m not sure if I should give you the mobile number or not.. because it’ll be a waste of time if the job is done before lunch. If they’ll be ready after lunch then I’ll need to give you the landline blah blah’

All within the first 3 mins of opening. Yes, I can now see her point but answering questions with questions as soon as I walk in the door!

Arghhh.

Customer: ‘Do you know xyz?’
Me: ‘Yeah,that’s the gurnin ****t on Singletrack isn’t it?’

This one might not translate… I work in student recruitment, ie, we recruit students to our university. At least once a week someone comes in and says, got any jobs? We say, you need hr, we’re student recruitment. They say, but I am a student! Never gets old.

aP – Member
Has anyone seen the invisible tape?

Well, not so daft, I use tape for film planning that has ‘Invisible Tape’ on the box…

thekingisdead – Member
I work for the same company
Those questions are spot on

oooh, do you know Pook ?

No. He must be one of the other 11,998 people that work there 😉

Are you a real welder ?

I `m not really a welder, just like the image and like to hang around with them at brew time.