All the best again Vicky

SAMs are really great listeners. Might be worth a try if other routes aren’t working

Stay positive – great ride !!!

Vicky, I’m no expert, don’t have any relevant qualifications or training, and can only pass on my experience in the hope it may help in a small way. I suffer from SAD, but can get low any time of year. I have developed a few supports that help me through (in no particular order):
1. Headspace.com
2. Getting outdoors, preferably on a bike
3. A SAD light
4. Vitamin D tablets
Headspace has shown me that thoughts, feelings and emotions are part of being human: they come and go, but cannot be stopped. It is a case of letting them come and go ( and they will go), without resisting them or chasing after them.
There are good people all around you (including on here): let them help you. If it’s really desperate follow Theboy’s ^ advice just to get you through this patch. Simon

For the first time ever, last night I lost sleep worrying about a person that i’ve never met.

@vickypea – Let us know how you’re getting on today?

How are you getting on Vicky?

Hi, and thanks so much everyone for your messages on this thread (and also a few private messages that I discovered earlier, which I’ve replied to separately). I was really touched by them.
I honestly felt like I’d been catapulted into hell a couple of weeks ago, and was in a very dark place. I’ve now got the local secondary mental health support keeping their eye on me. I didn’t know how I was going to pull myself up, but my family, friends at work, and messages from the lovely STW people seem to have helped.
I just need to sleep so I can get back on my bike.

Keep,posting and riding. Best THM

Glad to hear you’re doing ok. I’ll sleep better tonight. 🙂

Put a post on here and there will always be someone around, Vicky.

Hugs to you lass, it can seem that there’s no way out at times, but there is…Things that are helping me at the mo are baking (and eating!), being outdoors, long baths, cra*py tv, music, massage, mindfulness, playing with our mad mogs + learning something new each week – even if it’s just something simple. Plus writing down all the positive things in your life and things you’ve done each day, helps see the progress you’re making too.
Been lucky enough to get a great counsellor through anxietycentre.com and he’s helping a lot – it’s over the phone + don’t dread the sessions as much as I did with an NHS counsellor.
It’s important to rest, be kind+patient with yourself (difficult for me!) My husband, family + good friends have saved my life, not being OTT with saying that, as has reading posts on here. Take one day at a time, happy to chat..Tek care, x

I feel I’ve come up a bit from the very low point of 2am yesterday morning, and I’ve re-read the most recent posts from a slightly better frame of mind. A bit scared of falling back down though.
Perchypanther- your post up there about the “sausage fest” made me smile. I’ve not done much of that for weeks.
Thanks cyclingmev – I’m glad you’ve found so many positive things to make you feel better x

Well there you go, STW delivers the inspiration for a happier marriage/whatever and a good night’s sleep in one line.

If you’re feeling better try to use this window of opportunity to make positive changes whether small or radical. You’ll be afraid of “falling back down through” for as long as you’re living and thinking the same way as you have been.

Another thought, you did a 75 mile road ride on your own in the middle of January in your late 40s. You’re no spring chicken even if you aren’t the big hairy bloke I still suspect you might be. 😉 Go easy on yourself, drive and determination can be good – up to a point.

Hey Vickypea. Hang in there. Slowster and Cyclingmev (Amongst others) have some particularly good advice IMHO. It’s beyond tough sometimes – but it can and will get better.

We care. Keep talking. We will keep listening.

Jay

Not much I can add but as Churchill used to say:

KBO

KBO

This might not be such good advice if taken literally.

What does KBO mean?!

Edukator- your post made me smile. I may be no spring chicken but I’m capable of 75 miles in January. I somehow hauled my old body round five 100-mile rides last year 😉

Edukator- your post made me smile

That’s two smiles in the one day.

That’s what I call progress 🙂

Keep Buggering On

Glad you’re on the up!

Buggering on is better than buggering off

Buggering on is better than buggering off

Indeed.

Vicky, it’s worth watching shows/movies or reading books written by people who have been through the same.

I always found Spike Milligans war memoirs darkly funny….specifically Where Have all The Bullets Gone…where he ends up in a psych ward/camp, and took comfort in the fact that other people saw the world the way I do….

M*A*S*H was another one…

Vicky, do you draw? Just a thought, but I’m having a low and lonely phase, and I’ve started making myself draw a picture in the evening. I claimed it was daily, but it’s not really, just frequently.

I find all the mindfulness stuff rather hard to engage with, but sitting quietly with a couple of pencils and drawing something (from life or from pictures) puts you into the same sort of space, and is pleasingly easy to start.

(I’m rubbish at it – this ain’t an exercise in producing art!) 🙂

BigDummy- yes I do draw. I used to be quite good at it but neglected it for several years. I started it up again recently. I never thought of it being something like a “mindful” exercise but that’s a really interesting thought.

Hi folks, I’m sorry to bring this thread back up again but I feel I need to keep up with conversation with you, as it’s been really helpful.
I don’t feel as bad as at my low point, but everyone around me seems to think I must be back to normal now. I feel flat though, and devoid of joy. There’s been a bit of news about the counselling. It seems that it might be possible to have some more perhaps in 6 months’ time, but I’ve had 4 or so different 2nd and 3rd hand messages about what’s actually going on and it’s a bit stressful not getting a straight answer.

There is no “normal”

Widely variable is the new normal.

You’ll get through today….and then tomorrow…..and then the next day.

Some days will be ok, some will be great, some will hell…….but they’re all just days.

Chin up, grit your teeth and wait for a good one to arrive.

If you want to see something truly depressing, shampoo the carpets in your house and look at the colour of the water that you end up with. It’s what I’m doing right now and it’s horrifying. 😯

Got out for a ride this morning just as the rain stopped.Soon after that the sun came out, the birds got going, and I rode out of the woods into a fantastic view from the edge of the Chilterns looking over to the Berkshire Downs. In that moment I felt totally happy, and reminded myself that there are often times when I’m on my bike and know that that is really all I need in life. Get out there Vicky!

Perchypanther you sound almost as gloomy as me.
Squirrel, I did ride yesterday and will again tomorrow. It’s peeing down here today.

Nah, not really.

You know what they say…..If life gives you melons …… 😉

It’s peeing down here today

If it’s any consolation I live in supposedly sunny Spain and I got covered in mud on my ride today, which seems desperately unfair.

And PP’s right about the sausagefest: life can’t be that bad when we live in a world full of sausages.

Good work Vicky. Are you in a cycling club? Might bring another dimension to your social life. Or get a fat bike just for the hoot?

Lemons, eh…

Hi squirrel- yes, I’m in a cycling club. I ride with the roadies sometimes as well as being in the “muddy section”. We’re a small close-knit club and I have some good friends there. In fact, just been out to the club annual
dinner. Didn’t feel like going out but I made myself.
Didn’t eat lemons or melons though

Remember there are lots of good people who want you to be ok Vicky 😛 And it’s great that you went to the club dinner.

Saw my first lambs out in the fields coming back through the Peaks yesterday. Best cure for my January blues ever!

Hello all, thought I’d do an update if anyone’s interested:
Thanks for all your help and support. I eventually started perking up a few days ago. I managed a 72-mile bike ride at the weekend and today spoke to the NHS who said they’re more than happy to provide more counselling after all. I’m back on the waiting list 🙂

Yay, and spring isn’t too far round the corner either, plenty of snowdrops and crocuses to see on that ride. Keep on keeping on.