Haven’t read all that, will do later, but just posting something quick for now. I also finished counselling in December, and as expected the Christmas period was a struggle, but I’m actually doing OK now. It may not help you at all, but the secret for me seems to be doing something new which is both physically active and sociable. I’m not sure how it will turn out when it gets old and I get bored, but then one of the main lessons from my counselling was to live the now and not worry too much about things in the future.

FWIW I’m also missing the counselling just as something where I got social contact – you may be feeling the same?

Edukator – Reformed Troll
We both live at about 43°N, Ocrider. Where Vicky lives the sun is about 10° lower in the sky and only appears for a few hours a day.

I know, but the days will start drawing out sooner, rather than later. Glass half full, positive vibes an’ all that. The lunchtime escapades to the trails are what keep me going through that time, too.

Focus on your inner and outer beauty. Best wishes and good luck. THM

vickypea – there’s so much good advice here already that it’s hard to add much. Personally, I find the continuing lack of light very challenging at this time of year. Getting into the garden and having some quiet time sitting by my fire bowl thingy at least once a week, is, i find, very therapeutic. reminds me that I’m not at the mercy of the season.

And you’re right about STW; a lovely bunch.

good luck! take it steady. m

Others have suggested books – the two I was suggested by my counsellor are Finding Peace in a Frantic World and The Happiness Trap. Both mindfulness, so may be no use at all to you if your counselling didn’t go that way, but worth considering.

As 12 seems to be the limit except in exceptional circumstances, I just prioritised what I wanted to address and tried to be as positive as I could about the last session.

I remember my last session as having a similar feel to that last day at school before the xmas break; the day when everyone was allowed to wear whatever they wanted and very little, if any, classwork was done. Very casual and very end like and strangely liberating as it was very obvious both he and I could see the difference in my whole being.

However, compare that with the previous ending (which felt quite rushed and incomplete) and in a similar way to you I managed to unravel a particularly deep-seated problem in the penultimate sesh that left me quite shocked. The therapist was a little concerned, if all be told, and suggested I be around other people for the following week. It was bad timing but something very significant in helping me sort things.

I was worried I was suffering some sort of dependency issue when I felt lost but it turned out I had triggered something that needed sorting and in a therapeutic environment as opposed to one’s own headspace, which can sometimes have limitations with certain ‘issues’ IMO.

Obviously give the light thing a bash – most of the advice on this thread has merit. But as Jambalaya suggests, it has to be worth a trying to get a few extra sessions with the guy, though I’m unsure whether or not they’re allowed to offer their services outside of the agency. You might get lucky as I did.

Thank you for all the helpful comments. I’ve made a note of the recommended books and apps, but I’ll try to print out the thread.

I’m certainly looking forward to more daylight. I love where we live on the Peak District border and In spring/ summer I often go for evening walks. I really miss that with the dark evenings.

I wasn’t disappointed – you are a great bunch
🙂

teasel- glad to hear your counselling was a success. It’s great when you find someone that you trust and have a good rapport with, isn’t it? I worried that I was somehow dependent on it, but we spaced out my last few sessions so they were a month apart and I was fine with that. A couple of things were sparked at the last session which I would’ve liked to talk about.
I think I’ll give it another month and if I don’t feel any better I’ll ask for a few more sessions. The guy only works for the NHS and doesn’t do private therapy unfortunately.

It’s great when you find someone that you trust and have a good rapport with, isn’t it?

It is and I believe the only way progress is made with some stuff.

TBH, I just read back what I wrote up there and it reads a bit me me me, which wasn’t what I logged on to write but I now can’t remember what that was. So, lesson there is don’t attempt to express yourself at stupid o’ clock.

I contemplated asking the mods to delete it but that would be weirder than what I wrote.

I hope you get less blue as time goes on, Vickypea…

teasel- what you wrote was really helpful and I didn’t think of it as “me, me, me”. Although I wouldn’t wish depression or anxiety on anyone, it helps to know you’re not alone.

In terms of using exercise to lift your mood, this:

“something new which is both physically active and sociable”

As an example, I took up swimming last year, swimming regularly with a club. Had my first swimming gala yesterday in a very busy leisure centre, loads of activity around me, a really full-on event for the whole day – plus a lift share so chat/banter there and back. Totally lifted my mood and I felt great today too (if a bit stiff!).

By comparison, I find riding great for unwinding or just getting out and doing some exercise. It can be rewarding as well. But when riding solo (most commonly), there are no distractions from whatever is on my mind. Also, riding in winter can be a bit of a slog/mud-fest.

@vickypea, when you ride, do you get back and think “I still feel rubbish” or “that was great, I feel totally refreshed and haven’t even thought about x/y/z”? If the former, do you have something that you might be willing to try as an alternative to riding, that you can do with others?

Hi doordonot: only about a third of my rides are solo, and if I go mountain biking solo (as opposed to solo road biking or walking) find that my mind doesn’t have chance to wander to painful thoughts because I need to concentrate. I always feel better after exercise and fresh air.
I used to do various other sports with friends- trail running, football, squash, but had to give them up because of various injuries.
I used to do a lot of art, and have recently taken it up again. A bit rusty but enjoying it.

Hi Vickypea. Another fellow human who experiences depression here too. Sorry to hear you are having a bad time.

It sounds from here like the issue of the loss of the counselling interaction is core. For me, the positive relationship with the counsellor is crucial. Losing that valuable support after a relatively brief amount of 12 sessions is likely to be problematic IMHO – especially after a recent breakthrough.

Personally, I would be exploring any avenues to restart the counselling with your recent counsellor – although I’m not sure how. One of the challenges with many trusts is that they for many years have preferred counselling based on CBT. CBT is meant to be rapidly effective, so often even when using other approaches the same timescales are applied.

Interestingly, recent research is indicating that CBT is less effective than previously indicated. Maybe that will lead to the NHS funding longer-term counselling interventions. Here’s hoping.

I’ve made some plans for biking adventures later this year, but January is feeling such a struggle
Is anyone else feeling like this?

Yep. I have started to question whether solo bike trips are the answer though, especially, if you are prone to depression. I am starting to come to the conclusion that in my case and I suspect many others too, that bikepacking whilst great is just an attempt to try and run away from one’s self.

I have started to question whether solo bike trips are the answer though, especially, if you are prone to depression.

I think it’s a mistake to think of cycling, or any other physical activity, as the ‘answer’, i.e. it’s not a cure for a condition like depression. Cycling can be very good at improving one’s mood (endorphins, fresh air and all that), but in that respect I guess cycling may have something in common with the drugs often prescribed for depression, in that they both only help to alleviate the symptoms, making day to day living more enjoyable or less unhappy, but a cure requires some other further intervention.

Unrealistic expectations that a bike ride is going to make things so much better, are probably not going to help, and the inevitable disappointment may only make things worse.

The important thing is to be able to enjoy and appreciate the ride for what it is and the pleasure it does provide, whatever that may be each time: a nice freewheel downhill, finding a good rhythm going uphill, the sun on your back etc. (which I think is what mindfulness is about, i.e. focusing on living in the moment).

It would be shame, and probably counter-productive, to give up what should be a relaxing and pleasurable leisure activity, because it failed to meet unrealistic expectations.

jamj1974- if you see this post- I’m
Interested to know more about the recent findings relating to CBT that you mentioned. I had a short course of CBT about 9 years ago for a specific problem and it was effective for that, but it was very impersonal and I found counselling much better.

I recently saw a integrative counsellor (this was for anxiety not depression). i found it really good as she switched between different techniques, taught me some coping techniques but also helped me deal with some stuff in the past that I didn’t realise even affected me. I was lucky it was paid for through my work and I could have had more private sessions if I wanted.

She recomended a book by Kristen Neff called self compassion. I found it pretty useful and have found I am much more positive since. I also follow some of the meditations which also seem to help.

I need to do more social things for myself so I have some me time away from my wife and son but not doing individual pursuits so I am starting playing 5 aside once a week. I am also considering doing some volunteering which can also help apparently.

Not the specific articles – but report similarly. Refer to meta-analysis of research too.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/digest.bps.org.uk/2015/06/03/is-cbt-for-depression-losing-its-efficacy/amp/?client=safari

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/705/is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-as-effective-as-clinicians

Thanks jamj1974. Just had a quick skim read, will read properly tomorrow

I think it doesn’t help that with the start of a new year there’s that expectation that your life will be magically better, when really it’s exactly the same. At least that’s how I feel.

I’ve not been riding, it makes me feel guilty; when it’s something I choose to do for my enjoyment. I know I have a tendency to make what I enjoy into a chore. So if you’re just not feeling it, that’s fine – you are allowed to have feelings, you’re human after all, aren’t you?

So, vp, you’re not the first, and you aren’t alone. I hope that helps a little, and that the right suggestion for you is on here. Jan to April is difficult for me, I find it’s important to be out in the sun when it shines. If it’s only a walk into town and back, I’ll be on the sunny side of the street.

Living in Norway it is very common for people to suffer some seasonal health problems (always dark and grim in winter) and it is commonly down to severe Vit D3 deficiency

Jan is a crap month.

Long, dark, cold, wet.

Precious little to recommend other than it only cones once every 12 months.

😆 !

Hi vickypea, the issue with not being able to clear your mind when you are trying to sleep…try learning a poem or a bit of Shakespeare or anything you like really. When you are trying to sleep, go over it in your mind, trying to remember as much if it as you can. I usually fall asleep somewhere around the third line.

Now that Vit D3 has been mentioned, I’ll add that it seems to help me. I only started it recently, for something else entirely (thanks, E.).

Brief update: shortly after I started this thread I felt like someone opened a trapdoor under my feet and I shot straight down into a black hole. I’ve had a very difficult couple of weeks but actually slept last night and did a 75 mile bike ride which has helped.
I hope I can pull myself back up and follow some of the great suggestions you all made.

Keep going vickypea Lots of good advice on here already all I can say is keep on doing what you’re doing. Days are getting longer!

Sorry to hear you’re still down Vickypea.Remember you’ll always find support on here (although it might be buried under a heap of bitching sometimes ) 🙄

Thanks gordimhor and squirrel.

Unfortunately my request for a continuation of counselling has been rejected and I feel totally at a loss as to what to do 🙁

Unfortunately my request for a continuation of counselling has been rejected and I feel totally at a loss as to what to do

Go out and buy a huge pie* …..but one with only a pastry lid.

Then eat it whilst you imagine the horror in the eyes of Binners and his pastry henchmen. 😯

Cheers me right up that does. 😉
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* I know that you, vickypea, know this is a joke intended to make you smile….. but for the professionally offended on here, I’m not really advocating comfort eating as a means to tackling depression.

A 75 mile ride is not to be sniffed at, my longest ride ever to date is ~40 miles!

Do you mix up endurance rides, where presumably you lower the pace, with relatively short sprint rides? I’m finding ~4-10 mile loops where I push myself to the limit, where safe to do so, are really helping my mood since New Year… Once I push myself out of the door and stop making excuses to not go out (although I have to admit there’s no way I would choose to do any road riding today in the freezing fog that has lingered in Southampton and it’s supposed to be on the cards again tomorrow).

Public Service Announcement: too late today but look out the window tomorrow at 5pm. Daylight! Depends where you live and the weather and all that, but I’m happy. Today we had almost an hour longer of light than the shortest day. Get in! Or out.

I’ve lost all hope

.

I’ve lost all hope

Vickypea – I’m genuinely worried when I read this.

I truly understand what it’s like to feel like that but I also know that it’s temporary and , like winter, it’ll eventually pass.

You know that too, right?

Talk to Mr. Pea (who sounds like the worst Mr Man ever but a nice bloke), he might not really understand but, based on what you’ve said on here before he’ll support you to get through it.

Everyone here will do what they can to help. I’ve seen it so many times in the time I’ve been hanging about here making a pest of myself.

You are way too hot to be hopeless 😉

Beautiful women are at a premium round here. In case you hadn’t noticed it’s usually a bit of a sausage fest. Don’t make it worse.

Vickpea, I am sorry to hear that things are not going better for you.

I wonder if maybe it would help if you started to adopt a much more selfish and ruthless attitude to your problems.

If the therapy you were getting was significantly helping (and only you can know how effective it was) and you believe that continuing it will help, then I think you need to be more assertive and pro-active in continuing.

So, if therapy is the answer, or part of it, I suggest you consider going private, even if finances are tight or you have to sacrifice other things like a holiday, take a mortgage holiday or whatever.

If the therapy you have been receiving has been good, then going private will have a number of positives:

– you are not starting from scratch trying something which may not work for you
– even if your previous therapist will not or cannot offer private consultations, I presume that they will be able to refer you to a private practitioner and will be able to brief that therapist, to make the handover as smooth as possible and allow you and the new therapist to quickly make further progress (I suspect that the limited number of sessions offered by the NHS means that this sort of situation is not unusual).
– just the action of you doing something about this may in itself help a little, since you will be taking greater control, rather than being in the position of someone who feels they just have to accept whatever they are being offered by others.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

What we know is what you’ve told us here and what we remember from other threads and that’s not enough to get close to what’s making you sad. We can try to be helpful but I’m not sure how helpful we are.

We know:
it’s a seasonal thing, you’ve stated as much here and mentioned medication seven months a year when you could tolerate it on a thread last week.

it’s not new and this thread says it’s getting worryingly worse.

like many of us you’re ageing, old injuries stop you doing some things and you’re trying to adapt with taking up old passions you can still do – art in your case, guitar in mine.

We don’t know:
how your relationships with man, friends and family are going. that’s a private garden that can be a jungle.
how work is going.
how life is living up to your expectations, the gap between expectations and reality being small is really important to being happy.

You’ve no doubt read a mountain of books given how long you’ve been living through this. I’ve only ever read one; “Hector and the Search for Happiness” by François Lelord and found it full of truisms.

You don’t know what to do, please do something – something positive, maybe something radically positive. I don’t know what, what do you dream about? What would you do if had the money and time to do exactly what you wanted? How can you get close to that? How can you make that gap between what you dream of and what you are living smaller? Can those around you help? Sometimes happiness is being content with what you’ve got, not always though.

Edit: and if you really haven’t got a clue, walk to Compostelle whatever you think the consequences may be. Life becomes really simple, initially you’re only worried will be what to eat, how to stay warm and dry, not smell too bad, where to sleep and where to go. They’ll be no-one when you start and a you’ll be a part of a mass of people doing the same from St Jean Pied de Port on if you follow the French route. Watch “The Way”.

Vicky hope is how we see things and from our perspective. We sometimes see no hope when actually there is a positive outcome out there, we just need to try and believe it exists.

We are here to listen.

Hey Vicky, your last post sounded desperate. I can’t help but the Samaritans can. It’s a weird looking number but it is straight from their website:116 123. Please call it. X

January is hard
The post xmas come down
Its usually dark, cold and wet
The trails are like a mudbath
Summer seems so very far away
People are skint and then there is xmas to pay for .

It will get better , the days are getting longer , the sunshine brighter. Hang in there, plan things , weekend in the Lakes , Wales trip, ski holiday, summer holiday, Easter in Scotland. Give yourself something to look forward to.
Eat chocolate, treat yourself to a massage or spa day. Go to that London and do touristy stuff. Get out of the humdrum of work – dinner – Laptop – Bed – Repeat.
Hell, its new bike time so a bling road bike or a shiney Tripster is heading your way.