Dear STW,

I am tentatively posting this feeling bad because it feels like I am grassing up my mum. For ages her dog, a rescue dog which may have had a traumatic previous life but is otherwise very intelligent and healthy, has been living life in a stressful way for both its owner, itself and others. It is terribly attention seeking and needy, it barks furiously at things which it sees out the window or that comes past the house, it wimpers when it finds itself alone or shut out of rooms and is a bit spoilt generally, sitting on couches, trying to lick plates at dinner/ stealing form the counter, etc.

The other major problem is that it is not trained and this is a real danger to my mum who he has pulled over on the lead and to itself. Thoby (the dog) has been in fights and has been hit by a car before as it ran out into the road.

Now the other problem: my mum. She, is old and a bit frail and could get hurt easily but refuses to acknowledge her role in this situation, sticks her head in the sand about doing anything serious about it says ‘he just wants a walk, he just is blah blah’ (i think he is well exercised). Every so often she makes attempts to train it which are basically vain. She shouts at him and rewards him in such a capricious way it is hard to keep track of what he is doing good/bad and must be very confusing.

I keep on at her about this, but as the dog is part of the family and I feel responsibility towards both mum and dog I am thinking of taking action into my own hands. It is upsetting to see all this go on. Short of going to the rspca can we think of something I might do? I want to get some help.

Thanks in advance

Sounds like a tough one – no idea how one would go about training a dog like that without professional help.

It also sounds like your mum’s heart isn’t really into the training bit if she’s not showing any consistency in methods.

To deal with this effectively you need to train the dog and your Mom.

Training dog’s is just time and correct method. Retraining your Mom is almost certainly a lost cause – unless she’s a very unusual person she is unlikely to change and whatever you do to train the dog will be lost very quickly if your Mom doesn’t change.

I feel for you and Toby – best bet is for you to try and retrain your Mom first. IF that works then you can both begin working with Toby.

Thanks guys, I can’t train my mum, you are right, who am I to train her, I still ned training myself, but I do see this situation more clearly than she does. Are there any reputable dog behaviour services, even attached to the rspca or other charities, that take the holistic approach needed in theis situation?

+1 you are going to have to get some proper training done (all of you) and then ruthlessly re-inforce it.

To me there are two kinds of dog intelligence, when you point at something, there are those who go to where you are pointing, and those who look at the end of your finger as if biscuits are going to pour out of it.

Amazingly, its the latter thats the easier to train as they generally don’t question your actions/think too much. Wheras the technically more intelligent dog, MIGHT respond very well to some straight cut training, but more likely will be a royal PITA as they think they know better.

Also I would guess the dog probably thinks its a human and is above everything you are trying to do with it. So for a period of time, keep the dog on the floor/seperate rooms etc, and make it feel distanced from household life**

**we have a rescue dog, got him when 11years old, he’s now 14 and for a time he was WORSE behaved than when we got him, as people at home at been treating him like a cat/human/part of the family. Took about 6months of being more firm with him and now he’s much much better, can still play/reward him when he’s done something but generally much less of the barking at everything that moves/trying to protect house/climbing on chairs etc.

the barking is pretty easy to sort but requires some effort. Each time he barks your mum needs to go over to him, look at what he’s looking at then say “thanks” and make a fuss of him.

This sounds a bit bonkers but basic dog psychology is that he things there’s danger and needs to alert your mum. By not recognising the danger the dog gets more and more worried.

If he continues to bark after your mum has looked and said thanks, he needs time out – so your mum needs to put him in his crate / out of the room for a few minutes. Over time he will learn to stop barking – some dogs pick this up in a few days.

I found out at the weekend that my brothers dog, another rescue dog and quite mental, has now got a ritolin (sp?) collar. He definitely seemed a bit calmer at the weekend with a house full of party guests.

I’m not usually an advocate of medication but might be worth speaking to a vet about this given the circumstances. Could make it easier for both to start a proper training programme.

wow, ritalin, i think that would be just another get out clause for my mum. though I see what you are saying.

Thanks everyone, I still think it would be good to get someone in and have mum hear a proper assessment of the situation, and get structured help from a professional though, where do I look for something like that?

Farmer John: thank you!