Are a totally pointless exercise and waste of valuable time and just a process for management to pretend they actually care about the opinions of their staff.

That’s all I have to say on the matter.

What 2 hours of your life will you never get back?

PS: I will cheer up at some point later when this coffee starts to kick in normal cheery service will resume 😯

“I value your input and would love to hear your suggestions…….but at the end of the day I need you to do exactly what I want at all times”
Said to me stoney faced and with not an ounce of irony at a staff meeting.

“I value your input and would love to hear your suggestions…….but at the end of the day I need you to do exactly what I want at all times”
Said to me stoney faced and with not an ounce of irony at a staff meeting.

At least you know where you stand…

Hahahaha! Yep pretty much what’s just happened here!

What 2 hours of your life will you never get back?

2 of the hours I spent with hora and binbins. 😆

ONLY JOKING! It were wunderfulness in a glass.

Binners told me it was a good job I didn’t come as you have an Irish accent and I’d have stared at you adoringly all night 😆

I value your input and would love to hear your suggestions

Management might actually sincerely mean this*, but it doesn’t mean that you will get what you want … just because your ‘input’ wasn’t taken further doesn’t mean they only asked to make everyone feel ‘valued’ …

(*I don’t believe this)

We spent twenty minutes discussing our favourite Terry Gilliam films at our last staff meeting…he was working on an opera with us at the time!

Well, in my experience, if you don’t have regular meetings folk moan about poor communication, nobody listens to us, I had to find that out through the grapevine its all the managers fault etc etc etc.

If you do have regular meetings they moan that their time is being wasted, you could have emailed us, you don’t listen to us anyway its all poor management that causes the problems etc etc etc.

The trick is to keep them useful and not too long !

Tbh, you could have bagpuss. It was hora I was more worried about. He was mumbling about Richard Gere and licking his lips a lot. 🙂

I always know where I stand…..on the back foot.

Hels exactly! I used to line manage 13 staff, everyone had 2 mins to say their piece ask for any help they needed that week and report anything exiting about their projects then I finished off with stuff I’d got to report down from senior management job done

I’d have stared at you adoringly all night

I promise to do this whether you talk or not.

If you’re sick or management, just replicate what’s gone on here today. Its all gone pear shaped on deadline day. Not a sniff of management around all of a sudden. No explanation, they’ve all just evaporated into the ether 🙄

binbins, you ARE one of the management aren’t you?

Don’t tell me you’re at Greggs while the shit’s flying around the office. Shlaaaag.

Are a totally pointless exercise and waste of valuable time and just a process for management to pretend they actually care about the opinions of their staff.

Other than this attitude do you contribute anything else to the meetings?

Not today obviously, others yes I just don’t have the time to spend an hour talking about what colour files someone wants to order or the brand of tea bags people think we should be using…..

Not today obviously, others yes I just don’t have the time to spend an hour talking about what colour files someone wants to order or the brand of tea bags people think we should be using…..

Far more important things to be doing? Like whining about the management on STW? 😛

exactly 😛

Hey guys, I know I am seeing a lot of back-and-forth on this topic, but I really need to push back and raise some red flags here. Some of these phrases are foundational to our ability to drive efficiencies in a corporate landscape. Sure, some are just boilerplate solutions, leveraged to the hilt and really only keeping us at a 30,000-foot-view of things. Others, however, really allow us to get better granularity, find better directional-indicators, or loop back and dive deep into some critical issues on a go-forward basis.

I think if you all start using more of these phrases, you’ll find yourself trending toward the positive, but you’ll have to keep an eye on the puck. Gut through it, reduce thrash, and let’s stay in lock-step on this. Yes, we will synergize!

What’s the root cause of the hatred of management speak? I’ll put my layman’s hat on and guess that it comes from movies such as Office Space and Dilbert cartoons. But we all know that these phrases allow us to touch base in a much more efficient manner.

I have to time-box this comment, as I have a hard-stop in a moment when I will have to jump onto a call. So, just one more point that I want to cover-off on: let’s socialize the idea of speaking with more management speak and loop back to see whether we’re being more impactful. From a management standpoint, I think that we can get the traction to do it.

So, net/net, ignore the naysayers, sidebar the folks that are stuck in the weeds, and don’t waste cycles or bandwidth on folks that don’t align strongly with this mission. Try it out, and we’ll have another touch point in a little while to see if we’ve moved the needle.

If you need me, I will be online again in a bit.

— sent from my iPhone

I deeply value the input of all my employees & it’s important that they all contribute in equal measure, otherwise i might actually have to do some work myself 😉

I think we need greater granularity on this.

djglover 😆

djglover – Thanks for running that up the flagpole. I for one, am saluting it!

😆

2 hours? That all?

MTFU!

staff meetings only to be surpassed by staff appraisals, complete and utter waste of time!!

Staff meetings for us ran a fairly predictable course…

Actually staff appraisals are only a waste of time for average employees. If somebody is pants, you get a whole hour to tell them why… or if they are good you get a whole hour to tell them why this doesn’t mean they get any more money or anything, but thanks well done.

I really need to push back

Well that will keep somebody happy anyway.

I think staff meetings are great.

but then I am a manager.

Sometimes the meetings aren’t so good. Sometimes people comaplain about stuff and argue about the way things are going. I’ve been on a management course though and know how to stop lisetning.

I play on my iphone.

My wife is chairing a ward(s) meeting today so she can listen to how the nurses and “idiot dr’s” think it should be done.
Then she’s going to tell them how they are going to do it.
She also has been on management courses.

Not a meeting as such but just saw a memo on ‘efficiency savings’. Some bright spark had worked out that it costs us ~£30 pounds in total admin costs to raise an order. And to save money we should wait a week and combine multiple orders to the same company into a single order, because this will reduce the cost of ordering and thus save money.

What they neglected to notice was that the method used to come up with £30 cost was pretty much the running cost of purchasing department / number of orders…

our team meetings provide a perfect opportunity for self important morons to tell us all what great work they’ve been doing. I avoid at all costs.

2 ways to survive bagpuss – one is to play bullshit bingo and the other is to take work in with yo uand complete it during the meeting – obviously this only works if there are enough people to hide amongst. Make it llok like yo are taking notes or doodling

I have also arranged for people to call me 30 mins into the meeting so I have to leave

if iwas in a meeting with you I would arrange from someone to call you after 3 minutes 😉

Just try and start arguments between people. Loads of fun right there.

Who me? Not my style 🙂

Buzz buzz buzz worker drones… come to my meetings and HEAR ME ROAR!

😉

Not you in particular TeeJ, infact I’d probably have already spent some time with you prior to the meeting sussing out what might get you passionate and who I could play you against.